Did I overreact?

[megochick101]

So the other day my hubby was reading the daily newspaper and I was on the computer organizing and deleting unused programs and downloads when my hubby comes up to me and tells me "babe, get off the computer, I have to look up something." I tell him to give me a minute(i was almost down going through our programs) and he says he needs to look up something so I got off the computer.

Yeah well apparently the "important thing" he "needed" to look up was about a story he saw in the paper. A story about some espn reporter(or whatever) who some disgusting peeping tom had filmed while she was naked in her house. So my husband spent 20+ minutes searching the internet for this video.

I was pissed, very very pissed. he kicked me off the computer while I was doing something important so that he could look up basically a porno, and to him this was top priority! I told him that i didn't want him to do that and he thought i was being immature about it? because i didn't approve of him searching the internet for a video of some poor woman who had unknowingly been filmed in the privacy of her own home by some perverted scum!

The thing that really pissed me off was that earlier in the day(maybe an hour before this) i had asked him if he'd like to "get something started" since the kids were asleep and he said he wasn't in the mood, and then he freaking searches for a video of a naked woman and proceeds to watch it right in front of me?? and then he gets mad at me because i'm mad at him for watching the video. I just find it very insulting that he didn't want to have sex with me an hour before that but he "needed" to look at a video of some other naked woman, i mean WTF???

I don't get it. I don't think I overreacted at all,i didn't yell at him i just told him I didn't want him looking up or watching the video, and then yes i kinda ignored him for a while after that(childish i know but it's better than me yelling at him i guess)


I just wanted some unbiased opinion and i guess i wanted to vent about it of course.

Do you think I was overreacting??

[treazzure007]

i don't think you overreacted.  i was laughing the entire time i was reading though b/c my husband kicks me off the computer everyday for dumb nothings like that you mentioned.  he'll say it's an emergency and it's just to look at some dumb karate kick done on some video game that he and his x box friends are trying to do or some espn ****.  argh!  i just gave him a piece of my mind this evening for tricking me and being so inconsiderate.  he won't get to do it again i swear

[April2]

I don't think you overreacted either. I think you should have a talk with your husband and explain how you felt disrespected because of this.
By the way, the fact that your husband wasn't interested in sex with you is a big warning flag to me, too. You see this a lot in men who are addicted to porn. Do you know if your husband has a porn addiction? My friend went through this with her husband. He no longer could have sex with her without looking at porn first. That's how bad it got. He's been drawn in to that fantasy of the perfect body and fantasy world porn creates that he can no longer even have sex with his own wife. This is why I will always stand firm in my belief that porn does indeed hurt a marriage. I don't care what anyone says. I've seen it destroy marriages and watched it nearly destroy one marriage from some friends of mine until they went to a sex therapist and got some serious counseling.
I do think you need to talk with your husband about your feelings on all this. I wish you well.

[megochick101]

if your wife had pushed you off the computer to look at a naked video of a hot man(let's say brad pitt, george clooney or denzel washington since they are all famous and hubba hubba lol) how would you have felt and what would you have said??

If I had done this to my husband he would have flipped out and i would still probably be hearing about it, but since he did it to me, i was being immature and overreacting by calmly saying i didn't want him to do it? I would have been bitched at all night if the shoe was on the other foot.

[megochick101]

It doesn't matter if the woman was hot or not, i don't care about that. I still believe it was very rude for my husband to push me off the computer to look at her naked video. and he KNEW what the video was. It clearly stated in the newspaper that the video was of her naked in her home and taken without her consent.

If he had watched the video later on that night I wouldn't have minded too much(still think it's messed up to watch a video that was taken without someone's consent, regardless of who it is) but the fact is he was very rude to me and made me get off the computer to look up something that was not in anyway near important, and it happened to be of a naked woman which completely made me feel insulted and hurt at the same time because I had basically paraded myself around in lingerie earlier in the day and he barely even looked at me and had refused me, so it felt like insulted and very hurt about it and I didn't yell at him or anything like that i just told him i didn't want him watching that and told him i was doing something important on the computer but he ignored me and then continued to search and watch the video right in front of me.

and to top it all off, while watching the video he made approval sounds, and that was the worst part of it all, i felt like he just punched me in the gut, because he didn't want me in lingerie, but he's making approval noises(that i could clearly hear) about this other woman?(and i don't give a **** if she's a fantasy, he could've kept his approval to himself) that's what i was the most pissed about, and i don't even think he realized he did that because I didn't say anything about it.(but that was about the time I started ignoring him though)

Now I'm getting pissed about it again lol It's still upsetting me.

[teko]

I dunno, maybe ALL men according to some would look! However I do not believe that one bit!  This woman was/is the victim of a crime! What if it had been your mother/sister/daughter/wife? Would you still be centered on how hot she is or would you be outraged that an innocent person, a public person at that had been victimized this way? Puts an entirely different slant on it does it not? Have we become nothing more than humping animals? Walking around with our tongues hanging out waiting for the next victim? There are plenty of hot chicks to look at that have given you consent to drool and pay the piper to do it! Not only that but this wife felt set aside and that lone was wrong.  I would hope there is more to us than what is between our legs driving our lives. IMO

[Shara21]

i strongly dissagree that any man would have done the same thing....
if everytime there was a possibility of seeing a woman equally as attractive as her on the internet, men went ahead with it, then all men would be spending their whole lives on the computer =P

Also i don't really buy that excuse "she's hot, i have a d!ck so therefor it's perfectly acceptable for me to look"
there are alot more women on this forum with MUCH heavier sex drives then their partners and somehow women seem to be able to control themselves and not be tempted to thoroughly check out every hot guy that walks by or that is on the internet

it's about control, and not using your gender as an excuse to why it's ok to hurt your partner.

[SamEvans]

Yes it was an over reaction. Have you seen her?? Any man would do the same thing.

[peaceinknowing]

I must be weird or something, because that wouldn't have upset me. I see where you all are coming from though, son't get me wrong. Had my husband done something like this though, it wouldn't have upset me or riled me up. There are a lot of curious people out there. We hear something bizarre on the news or in the paper and we want to research it at times. Not all the time does it necessarily mean we're looking to see a nakes woman on a video camera that was uploaded to the internet -- But sometimes it's more or less the fact that:  "Holy cow - someone actually stooped to the level of doing this? Yeah right, I have GOT to see this for myself..."

Does that make sense?

I don't know your relationship though, so I'm not sure if there are any other underlying issues there or not. I can see where you were possibly upset because he didn't want to "get something started" earlier that morning. I'm just torn on this one because it really isn't fair to automatically assume that he was venturing onto the internet to "get off" on watching someone being taped by a creeper, you know? He might've just wanted to venture to the video out of disbelief that nonsense like this is actually being done locally... That is just the way I see it.

[Monica70]

I would have read my husband the riot act!

[megochick101]

OMG that is what i told my husband when he refused to stop watching the video right in front of me!  What bothered me was that first off the video was taken without her permission so i think it's messed up to even watch what some scum videoed without her permission. and secondly I was actually doing something important on the computer and he kicked me off to watch it. and thirdly, he had a ready and willing body right here if he wanted to look at a woman naked!

[Shara21]

regardless or whether or not this SHOULD have bothered you, is irrelevant, in my opinion. The guy is married to you, so hopefully he knows that this kind of thing, to you, would be unexceptable.

I dont think you overreacted at all... it was, above anything else, flat out RUDE to kick you off the computer to check out a naked chick.
How would he have reacted if you kicked him off the computer when he was in the middle of responding to an email, to watch an attractive, naked guy strutting his stuff?

The fact that he refused sex prior to that, is adding insult to injury......

[broke123]

ok i had to check out the video. dont judge just wanted to see what the fuzz was about. anyways i stopped trying to find it cuz 90% of links to that video are connected to viruses. so if anyone looked i would check ur computers now.
if my bf did that i wouldnt care. but i also dont care about porn or strip clubs or anything else that seems to offend women these days. looking and touching are very different things. so i dont know i guess ur hubby could have waited till u were done, but other then that its not that big of a deal. and dont take it personal that he looked at another naked woman, im sure it was just curiosity.

[Judy246]

Yeap....I would be pist too....interrupted for Erin Andrews killer body and no opportunity for a quicky....I'd be pist too.

[teko]

So this poor woman is victimized over and over again since the first humiliating mess with a peeping tom! Ask your husband if he feels like a peeping tom, cause this was not done with her permission, it in essence was a crime.  I feel sorry for her! So to me, anyone that knows the story and goes seeking it out is also a peeping tom. Am I outta line by saying that?

[Vance2335]

From the male point of view...The video was of Erin Andrews...every guys fantasy. A early 30's year old women, tall, blonde, very attractive, killer body, knows sports and just WOW! BUT...you did not over react. he could have waited and searched for it later. No reason to ask you to get off to look for the video.

[msniki412]

You were not overreacting!!!! You were right to be mad about him doing this. Not only that he does it, but he did it with you standing right there!!! Plus you were trying to do more important things and he just had to look up that video and that moment. What a jerk!

[SweetiePie411]

I don't think you are overreacting at all. He stopped you from doing something important so he could look up a porno. Overreacting would have been if you had started yelling and screaming over it.

[heatherlynn22]

i would have been VERY upset if hubby did that! he would've gotten a smack upside the head if he would have done that.

[imanaddict]

I don't think you were overreacting at all. That would have upset me too!