Some sort of Dependency

[raniol]

I'm a 31 year old heterosexual male who has had a long dark relationship history.  I'm a recovering sex addict who has been married 3 times and always has to be in a relationship.  I just attended my first sex addict’s anonymous meeting.  I'm seeing a therapist once a week for this and among other things, and she seems to think I have a form of Attachment Disorder.  I'm currently in a relationship again, but I know that I shouldn't be in this and that I need to learn to be alone and love myself.  I'm so petrified of being alone though.  

Basically, I'm confused and would like to know if this is truly Attachment Disorder or something else?...Love addiction, co-dependency, ...etc...

My pattern is to go from one relationship to another, and I think I'm in love with the person, and never truly end up being in love with them, and then resort to destructive habits such as infidelity, drinking, lies, etc...

It's finally caught up with me and I'm starting to grow a conscience...It's time to change.

Any insight would be great.

[teko]

It sounds like you have a low self esteem. It seems to me people that need to be in a relationship, are not happy with being with themselves for whatever reason.  Only you can make you happy, no one else can as it is something that comes from with in.   I would suggest going off relationships for awhile, live by yourself, pay your own bills, and travel maybe or experience doing things by yourself or with a friend. It can be a very rewarding experience and then when you are ready for a relationship you will have more of yourself to offer freely to that other person and actually be satisfied in the relationship.

[imanaddict]

I think you have just made a HUGE milestone in your recovery by admitting you have a problem and seeking help! That is really awesome!! Mami said it all, you have to learn how to love yourself before you can truly love someone else and give yourself to them 100%. That doesn't come so easily for some people, but you are definitely on the right track. Continue with your therapy and when it comes time, that special girl will come along and all this can be a part of the past. I wish you luck!

[mami1323]

I think you are doing all you can to change by seeking help and going to therapy on a regular basis.  I agree though, I think you need to deal with your demons and not involve another person in your world of pain.  You need to heal yourself first and only then will you be capable of giving someone else real true love and commitment.  It's like an alcoholic, if you go into a bar, you are only tempting yourself or if you get in a relationship while recovering, the more likely you will to fall off the wagon with any small sign of stress.  You don't need the pressure right now.  Basically, you need some cognitive behavioral therapy, if you know you need to be alone, you force yourself to be alone.  Fight that fear and you will see that there is nothing wrong with getting to know yourself or spending alone time with yourself.  It's eye opening and stress free.  I'm sure your therapist will agree, that now's not the right time to jump into anything.  Good luck.