what should i do for my hushband to change??

[alyssahann]

i just wanted to post a simple question & i hope i can get help from all of you...im 26 years old & my hubby is 36 years old...my hubby is a social drinker and we are both like clubbing on weekend..but the problem is.. there is 1 widow which is my hubby friend..she have a feeling to my husband but my hubby only treat he as a friend.. but recently my hubby always have privacy talk with this widow.. so there is 1 time when i know this widow ask my hubby out for clubbing and i start question to my hubby for this widow.. so at last my hubby decide to bring me along to clubbing with this widow.. so when i was in club with my hubby n this widow.. i notice that my hubby n this widow doing something which is like kissing & hugging (acting like there are couple)..and im his wife just only can stare what are they doing..when i ask my hubby why doing that..he only say friend.. should friend doing those thing like that? even the ***** know im his wife.. so once again i cought my hubby chatting in fb.. they were planing next time for clubbing but this time they go without me.. i have big fight with my hubby abt this ***** so i dont want my marriage will destroy ..pls can someone give me advise.. ;D i really strees out..

[teko]

You cannot change anyone but yourself. You must decide whether you are going to tolerate it or not tolerate it and relay that message.

You have tolerated it thus far and sent him the message that the only thing your gonna do is give him lip service about it, thereby allowing him to continue.

Turn the tables. Would he think it innocent if it were you doing this? Im betting not which tells you right there that he thinks it ok for him but not ok for you.

[alyssahann]

thanks for the comments..i really appreciate it.i try to talk slow with my hushband and what i found out after questioning him many times, it seems that he never change from the day i meet him as friend until i become his wife.what i mean is..he always like to socials with girls no matter what status he have.only he cares about himself..so many times i had giving him advise to change for our marriage & future.. only he say that im not SPORTING.how on earth to be sporting on this situasion that my own hushband playing flirting with other **** doing physical contact.?of couase i have to take action for it right?.i been hurt so much  & many times but everytime he does that.. the only thing he say to me is the word SORRY but he still doing it repeatedly.. i seek for solo counselling.. i try to make changes to my family & my own life.the more i hurt the more strong i feel to face it.i can prove to my hushband i have to stand whats right for myself as his wife to save my marriage. no more crying like babies or feel hopeless & so on..because i know the more strong i am,those **** dont like it.but if he keep doing it again.. i may walk out from his life silencely without giving him notice :D..

[brice1967]

I did not read the whole post, so excuse me in advance if I stray from the topic.  The head line alone is what I'll address.

Unfortunately, there really is nothing you can do for your husband to change.  The change has to come from him, and he has to want to change.  You can try to provide an environment for change, but the actual change is all on his shoulders.

[Londres70]

I have briefly read your other posts in regards to the problems you have had over a period of time with your husband.  To be honest, sounds like the marriage has been slowing deteriorating and you have just been putting up with "this and that" way too long.    

As the above poster Tink has stated you cannot change your husband or anyone for that matter if they AREN'T looking for change.  

Counselling is the only way to try to save your marriage, however, if he doesn't see a problem then he probably won't be doing that.  You can seek counselling solo though.  

Sounds like he has got something going on with this "widow" friend; not sure if it is anything physical, but it definitely sounds like an emotional affair.  I wouldn't be tolerating any of this, but that's me.  

[specialmom]

I agree with Tinkerbell.  This has to stop one way or the other.  YOu either tell him that this is it, the widow is out of his life OR you leave.  Otherwise, you are his doormat and this isn't much of a marriage.  


You want a REAL relationship.  This isn't one if he has a 'friend' that is seperate from you that he hangs out with and does so behind your back.  

good luck

[TTinKKerBBell]

You are not going to "change" Your Husband - only He can do that.

This has been an issue with You for more than a year now so You must decide whether to accept this or move on.

We "teach" people how to treat us.  By that I mean - You have tolerated this behavior from Him for some time so, from His perspective - why should He change now?  So far, He's had it both ways!!