Aa
Liar
My no good ex-bf/fiancee lied to me the 5 months we were together as well as caused me mental pain & anguish. He usually argued & cursed at me, disrespected me, my family, and my apartment. I found out this week by chance at the urging of a friend to look on my state's sex offender site & I saw my ex-bf/fiancee. He was convicted of posession of child porn, which made me disgusted w/him. The bad thing is that he hid this from me the whole time we were together. Being a good samaritan, I the local law enforcement office & was put in contact w/his probation officer. His PO told me that around the time we began dating, he had just been released from jail & was not suppose to have an intimate r'ship/date for 90 days. His PO also said that anybody he wanted to date was suppose to meet him & learn the nature of his crime & then decide for myself whether I want to be w/him or not. My bf did not give me that choice by lying to me & I doubt he wanted that big, ugly skeleton to come out of the closet so to speak. How could he not expect me to ever find out. Well the police as well as my family & friends have told me to act as if I do not know so not to raise suspicion. Make him think things are as usual. With all that has happended I do not think I can ever trust him. I still care for him like I do my younger brothers, but I do not love him at all. I have been away from him for 3 weeks now & I am still collecting my thoughts about all that has happened. Is caring for him weird or is it understandable since I loved him & still have feelings for him, knowing now what he did.
He was convicted of 3 counts of possession of child porn. Well I did not know that everything that was coming out of his mouth was a lie. I did not find that out until 2 weeks ago. Well besides chating with him online occasionally to provide info to the authorities, I do not have any contact with him. I am focusing on me and my future.
You say in the beginning of the relationship he was "perfect" but there is no way that is true, he was LYING to you and withholding very important information about himself from you that he was DUTY BOUND BY LAW to inform you of. People make mistakes and I dont know what type of porn he was caught with, but that is VERY big news to not disclose to you. He should have told you the whole story, the whole truth and let you decide from there. He has proven he is a liar AND a sex offender! You sefinately deserve better than a lying *********!
I think you need to stay away from this man, he is not and was not what you thought he was.
I think you need to stay away from this man, he is not and was not what you thought he was.
Maybe I should have not went to online dating to find a guy to date. Well my ex-bf emailed my profile first and I went from there. He pursued me first and I just emailed him back and we began talking online, building trust in each other. I thought something was wrong with him, I just did not know what. I know he told me he was abused as a child and so I believed that was part of his issue. I did not know the jail and child porn part. My mother thought he was strange and did not know why. Now I know why. Again he can be a good person, it is just that he just fell into horrible habits as a young person and his life just started off bad. I can't believe that at 22 he can be into child porn.
Your mum sounds like a really smart woman. As a mum I can tell you we only want good for our kids and we have your back like no one else. If you ever date someone who gives her the icks, trust her.
I have a very strong feeling that you are going to be just fine. That you are going to walk through this hard time and come out on the other side stronger, smarter and with a greater sense of who you are and what you want in this life.
One final piece of advice, enjoy being young. Life is short so go for it.
Soon you will be 40 with belly fat and the odd chin whisker. (Really, it's not all that bad!)
I have a very strong feeling that you are going to be just fine. That you are going to walk through this hard time and come out on the other side stronger, smarter and with a greater sense of who you are and what you want in this life.
One final piece of advice, enjoy being young. Life is short so go for it.
Soon you will be 40 with belly fat and the odd chin whisker. (Really, it's not all that bad!)
"I am do doing that now by having him out of my life and focusing on my future."
You go girl! Im proud of you!
You go girl! Im proud of you!
Well people do consider me already old at 24 - lol. People say that I take life seriously - work, grad school, my family, ect. I take life seriously because you only get one and my family taught me to do so. Yes, life is suppose to be fun, but in order to be sucessful, you have to be serious. I believe that I will come out of this situation with my fiancee and much stronger woman. It hurts right now, but my mother tells me that is part of the healing process. My mother was so sad to see that I was hurt the way I was. That a man could lie to her only daughter and break her heart into millions of pieces. She said he had good tendencies some times, but that is not good enough. A man should be good all the time to the woman he professess his love for as he did to my mom over the holidays. My mom said that he says that he is going to make changes in his life, but he has not done so. He says one thing and does the other. I wanted to believe in him and that is why I was caught between a rock and a hard place when my mom said he was a weirdo, I did not want to believe it.
It is never good to go looking for a bf (I know, from my own past). Pursue the things you love and you will meet the right person. You are very young, and the whole world is at your feet. Dream big and go for it.
I met my dh when I was no longer looking for a guy. He was so worth the wait and I shake my head when I think about all the dumb choices I made in my 20's. But that is what being in your 20's is all about, making mistakes and learning from them.
I sure wish you well and I hope your wierdo radar will be much stronger after this and your instincts will tell you what guys to avoid.
Oh, and internet dating is bad.....
I met my dh when I was no longer looking for a guy. He was so worth the wait and I shake my head when I think about all the dumb choices I made in my 20's. But that is what being in your 20's is all about, making mistakes and learning from them.
I sure wish you well and I hope your wierdo radar will be much stronger after this and your instincts will tell you what guys to avoid.
Oh, and internet dating is bad.....
Well if he went to counseling and his PO visits, his PO said he can be acculturated back into society. He was not a *********, just had child porn in his possession. I have a lot of self confidence and self esteem. Before I met my fiancee, I was living my life. I am in grad school with 4 majors on scholarship, in a sorority, honor society, and work 2 jobs. I would and still do hang out with my friends. I do what normal 20 somethings do. I was just on the search for a bf so to speak, because sometimes you get tired of hanging out with the girls, or drunk men hitting on you at the bar, or you friends setting you up on dates. I just wanted to do things on my own. So I went on a online personals site and that is how I found my ex-bf/fiancee. It was not like I would have had any way of knowing about his past. People do not think to check the state criminal corrections department to see if their bf is on there. I just where I am at currently going to college that is all and I wanted to meet a nice guy here and see where it would go, r'ship, causal dating, engagement/marriage. So it is not like I would have knew to check him out. When he met me he said he liked me because I am independent, intelligent, outgoing, friendly, caring, ect. I am staying away from him even though it hurts, I have to for my own best interest.
Well he had 2 ugly skeletons in his closet - his sexual history and his child porn conviction, both of which put me at danger mentally and physically. I am never again taking any disrespect from any person ever again. I do not need to take mental anguish from anyone ever again. It is sad as well as disgusting that all this has occured in his life at 22. His PO told me that I should be proud of myself for helping him and the authorities in the pursuit of my fiancee. He broke probation as his PO said and so if he gets caught, it is his own fault. The judical system gave him a chance and messed up. He needs to be caught so that he does not do any harm to himself, me, or a child based acting on his sick obsession. (PO said he is not a ********* until he acts on his obsession sexually. Technically, he is just a weirdo that likes child porn.) I know that I need to take care of me and not worry about him. I am do doing that now by having him out of my life and focusing on my future.
"In the beginning he was perfect, he was everything that I wanted in a bf."
Unfortunately, this phenominia is VERY common in relationships. In the initial, "courting", phase of the relationship each individual is "wooing" the other and things are "great". After awhile, the next phase of the relationship begins where people let their guard down and their true colors are exposed- sometimes this is not always a good thing.
Think about this: many women are in physically abusive relationships but the abusive rarely starts at the beginning of the relationship - if it did, the women would likely run a million miles. Instead, the guy is initially very charming and the women falls for him. The abuse usually starts once she has developed an emotional attachment to him - at that point she is less likely to leave the relationship and is under the false impression things will change or go back to the way they were in the beginning. This can be likened to a wolf in sheeps clothing and it sounds like your fiance had a very impressive sheep suit on.
"There were times when he was an ass - arguing and cursing at me which is total disrespect as I see it."
Yes it is totally disrespectful. This is NOT normal in a relationship and you are being mentally abused.
"He can be a great man at times, but he has a nasty skeleton in his closet that he did not confide in me about before or after we got engaged. "
Which skeleton are you referring to? The convicted pediophilia he did not tell you about (by not telling you he was breaking the law!) or his EXTENSIVE
and unusual sexual history which put your health at risk?
"I just did not want to give up quickly on us and our r'ship since we began fussing after 2 months together and I though it was due to the stress of the surgery. But now I see it was more to it."
Its not about giving up on a relationship, its about you recognizing that you are in an abusive relationship and gaining the strength to get out. Your fiance is a sexual criminal, has jeopidized your health, has lied to you, broken the law, is disrepectful, and very selfish (potentially exposing you to a lethal STD, and expecting you to satisfy him when you were recovering from surgery).
Im glad you see there is "more to it" and I sincerly hope you have the strength to get out of this abusive situation.
Unfortunately, this phenominia is VERY common in relationships. In the initial, "courting", phase of the relationship each individual is "wooing" the other and things are "great". After awhile, the next phase of the relationship begins where people let their guard down and their true colors are exposed- sometimes this is not always a good thing.
Think about this: many women are in physically abusive relationships but the abusive rarely starts at the beginning of the relationship - if it did, the women would likely run a million miles. Instead, the guy is initially very charming and the women falls for him. The abuse usually starts once she has developed an emotional attachment to him - at that point she is less likely to leave the relationship and is under the false impression things will change or go back to the way they were in the beginning. This can be likened to a wolf in sheeps clothing and it sounds like your fiance had a very impressive sheep suit on.
"There were times when he was an ass - arguing and cursing at me which is total disrespect as I see it."
Yes it is totally disrespectful. This is NOT normal in a relationship and you are being mentally abused.
"He can be a great man at times, but he has a nasty skeleton in his closet that he did not confide in me about before or after we got engaged. "
Which skeleton are you referring to? The convicted pediophilia he did not tell you about (by not telling you he was breaking the law!) or his EXTENSIVE
and unusual sexual history which put your health at risk?
"I just did not want to give up quickly on us and our r'ship since we began fussing after 2 months together and I though it was due to the stress of the surgery. But now I see it was more to it."
Its not about giving up on a relationship, its about you recognizing that you are in an abusive relationship and gaining the strength to get out. Your fiance is a sexual criminal, has jeopidized your health, has lied to you, broken the law, is disrepectful, and very selfish (potentially exposing you to a lethal STD, and expecting you to satisfy him when you were recovering from surgery).
Im glad you see there is "more to it" and I sincerly hope you have the strength to get out of this abusive situation.
I would run like the wind and have NOTHING to do with this man again. I am of the opinion that molesters can not be rehabilitated and that they should rot in jail.
And if he likes kiddie porn, it is only a matter of time before he rapes someone's baby.
I would also recommend counselling for you. I sense your self-esteem is low and that is probably why this evil man targeted you.
I wish you well.
And if he likes kiddie porn, it is only a matter of time before he rapes someone's baby.
I would also recommend counselling for you. I sense your self-esteem is low and that is probably why this evil man targeted you.
I wish you well.
In the beginning he was perfect, he was everything that I wanted in a bf. He was nice, caring, funny, resourceful, compassionate, loving, ect. He was my prince charming. I enjoyed spending my weekends with him as well as any free time I had during the week from my 2 jobs and classes. We had a great time together shopping, watching movies, eating out, watching tv, listening to music, and just hanging out. There were times when he was an ass - arguing and cursing at me which is total disrespect as I see it. He can be a great man at times, but he has a nasty skeleton in his closet that he did not confide in me about before or after we got engaged. A nasty skeleton that could have come back to hurt me in the future, because he did not tell me of his conviction. I just did not want to give up quickly on us and our r'ship since we began fussing after 2 months together and I though it was due to the stress of the surgery. But now I see it was more to it.
"He usually argued & cursed at me, disrespected me, my family, and my apartment..."
"I though he was perfect and that he was right for me in every way, now I think otherwise"
Besides the fact your bf is a convicted pediophile and has lied to you, why would you consider a man that argues, curses, and is disrespectful toward you to be "prefect"?
"I though he was perfect and that he was right for me in every way, now I think otherwise"
Besides the fact your bf is a convicted pediophile and has lied to you, why would you consider a man that argues, curses, and is disrespectful toward you to be "prefect"?
I guess I wanted things to workout between us and was not going to give up on our r'ship after one spat that is why I dealt with his problems and ****. I also was recovering from surgery and was in horrible pain and did not have the strength to get rid of him. But I always known I deserve only the best from any man for that matter after our first big spat, but I always looked at the good times and that helped me not to focus on the bad stuff that occured. Yes, acting like things are cool between us does not help, but the police want me to find out where he may be hiding, since he still believes I do not know his secret. I like talking to him so to speak, because he makes me laugh. But when I talk to him I know he is a liar, cheat, ect. and that makes me furious with him. I can forgive him, but I can't forget what he has done to me.
I know I do not deserve to be treated like **** by anyone at any price. I am focusing on me now since he does not live with me anymore and is not really a part of my life. I am working, finishing up graduate school, as well as looking for a career and have 2 job interviews this week along with my midterms. By me being so busy, he feels as though he is not a part of my life, but if he has not paid attention, he really is not. Our entire r'ship was not horrible, I would say about 45-50% of it was. He was my prince charming, my superman so to speak and I loved being with him, but he did yell, curse, argue, and throw items on occassion. I know my surgery stressed him out, but now I know there was more to our issues. He had just been released from jail and he was having a hard time reculturating himself back into society - which was unknown to me. I am doing my best to block him out of my life, but he was my first love in every way and that is hard to let go of. He can be a beautiful person, but he has issues that he brought into our r'ship not known to me that have made things out of control and out of my hands. He think he believed it was best to lie to save his ass, but he hurt me in the process and I can never trust anything he says again not unless I had proof, but they may not even help his cause.
I know you have feelings for this man and I know you can't shut them off, especially when you are still having a relationship with him! (although it is pretend) This must be very difficult for you.
I think you need to start focusing less on him and more on yourself. You main focus now should be protecting yourself. One way to do that is keep remembering the pain and hurt this liar has caused you. Keep staying angry at him and this will help you. Focus on the truth and the truth is this man lied to you and has a history with child pornography!
This jerk has mistreated you for many months. Why have you allowed yourself to be treated so badly? After all of this is over, I hope that you will find out the answer to my question and then address the problem. Once you believe you should be treated with respect, then you will attract healthier relationships.
People can easily say, "you shouldn't have feelings for him", but you count shut your feelings off for someone on demand.
Do count your blessings that you found out about this creep early on in the relationship and pat yourself on the back for doing the right thing. This man is a danger to children and others.
TYPO ==== change that to "you can't shut your feelings off for someone on demand".
He is only 22 and is classified as a sexual offender. I know I did the right thing by telling the authorities. It is just sad that he has a record for possession of child porn. I though he was perfect and that he was right for me in every way, now I think otherwise. I still have feelings for him, which people think is creepy because of his past. But I did not know about his past until Wednesday. For the time we were a couple, I knew him as my price charming. I still talk to him online and act as things have not changed at the urging of the police and my family, but it hurts doing so. It hurts because he acts and tells me that he has not skeletons in his closet from his past, but I know he does, but it hurts as well because I care for him and I hate knowing that he has lied to me and we will never be together due to his past. I could go against what I know is right and be with him, but I do not believe I could do that myself and future children. He needs to be rehabilitated, and I do not believe he is as he may think. I care for him and probably always will, but as for love, he hurt me too much to take that chance again.
Well one of the detectives working on the case told me that he was in jail for less than a year with hubiris (work release). So I technically do not know if all his sexual escapades occurred in jail but a few might have. My family and friends and even the cops say I should not have feelings for him. I thought he was a good guy, the guy I would spend my life with, make a life with - careers, family, ect., but I guess not. I do care for him but I do not love him. I know I need to leave him alone for my own good, but it is hard when feelings are still there.
Now you know where all his sexual history you had mentioned before happened: in jail. Do yourself a favour: block all your feelings for him because this is how sex offenders pave their way into others`lives. Through entanglement and temporary charm. Not only can you not trust him, you are right, this experience will probably keep you from trusting any guy for a while. Good luck moving on.
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