How to let go of first love?

[she90]

Hi, I am wondering how long it is meant to take to get over a first love.It has been 12 months and i still can not stop thinking about my ex, and can't go a day without mentioning his name. I don't even notice it, it just happens. I am wondering what it means or how to let go as he has clearly stated he already has. As this was my first relationship, i knew it would take a long time to get over but I really just want to move on and this is a huge hinderance. I moved to live in the same city as him a month ago to start uni and have seen him now and again because we have mutual friends but I act like i am ok around him.Any advice on how to let go or anything at all would be of great help as I'm stuck on what to do about the situation.

[she90]

yeah,that is true, if i compare to how i felt towards it 6 months ago. a lot has changed. i was so depressed and never saw the end, but yeh one step at a time is true. really appreciate everyones advice

[Judy246]

Breakups are painful and life changing, but life is a journey and we learn, mature and become wiser with each hurt. You will be alright...one step at a time. Judy

[she90]

thanks so much for the advice, very helpful :)

[Judy246]

Thanks, we all have experience the pain that accompanies a heartbreak. It's hell and if we can just let them know they will survive if they handle it properly, it will give the hope for tomorrow and yes, there is a beautiful full life after a heart break...hugs, Judy

[teko]

Awesome advice! Very well said and you covered it completely too.

[Judy246]

I"m sorry to hear you are no longer in a relationship and to answer your question, there is no specific time frame for grieving a loss. Yes, "grieving" the loss, because this man was part of your life, whom you loved and now that man and love is gone, so you grieve him as if you would when someone you loved is gone. It's like a death (death of a relationship), but he's alive and well.

You start by acknowledging the reality of the situation...the relationship is gone, he' no longer in my life and it's over. Then you take some quite time to reflect on what has happened, you grieve the loss and then you gather strength that you didn't realize that you had within you to accept what you can not change. Then you start to take care of the only person that you have control over...you. Take care of your appearance, health and surround yourself with family and good friends and then make a plan. You plan what you would like to do...go back to school.

Start slowly by focusing on you, start jogging, exercising, take a dance class, go for a long bike ride, a long walk or just sit and absorb the sun. Invite your friends to lunch, a movie, just to hang out, go dancing, but it's very important to tell them that you are going through a difficult time and would appreciate them not brining your ex in conversations at this point in time. Tell them you need their support and not bring him up. Also, I recommend that if you are tempted to call him, change your phone number if you have to. I had to do this and it worked for me. Put away all gifts, pictures, stuff animal, anything and everything he gave you, because this can trigger a relapse and then you are back to square one. Put them away and one day you will be able to take them out and view them with fond memories.

A broken relationship if not handled properly can be damaging, emotionally debilitating and dangerous to the self. People that do not have the proper copeing skills have attempted or committed suicide over a loss love and life is a precious gift and no man or woman is worth taking that gift away over. Good luck and if you have any questions, just send me a quick message....Hugs, Judy

[specialmom]

Agree with above but would add that this is an exciting time in your life.  You are in school  creating yourself!  You have your whole future ahead of yourself.  I'd think about what type of career you want and throw yourself into it.  I'd maks some new and wonderful friends as college offers us a unique opportunity for that.  I'd think about what you are passionate about and pursue it.  This is your chance to develop yourself into who you want to be for the rest of your life.  I don't mean to be dramatic, but it is true.  You are in the years of life in which the direction of the rest of your life will often be set.  So stay busy with that stuff and you will naturally move on.  And I will tell you as a woman in my 40's, a husband and two kids . . .  you will forget.  When you meet the next man who steals your heart, you will forget.  good luck

[teko]

Go out, date, meet other people and keep busy. When you meet someone else that strikes your fancy, your ex will fade into the background. How long depends on how much you allow yourself to dwell on the unobtainable ex. Just enjoy life and it will happen.