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Twisted Relationship
I been in a relationship with a separated man for five year. I am 34 and he is 54. This man is really good to me, he just a little on the controlling side. A year ago I met a single 36 year old male who I am sexually, physically, and emotionally attracted to. I really want to be with 36 year old because we have a lot in common.Every time i see the 36 year old my heart just start racing. I deeply in love with him. I don't want to hurt the 54 year old. I don't love him like he love me. He said he want to marry me but when I wait 5 year old on him. Please give me some good advice what should I do?
Thank you for answering all my questions. It appears that you can provide for yourself and your kids at this time. I think it would behoove you to separate from the older man, and take a reasonable amount of time by yourself and set yourself up independently before considering anything further with any man. That's not to say that you could not date the younger fellow. I just think that as a mother, it would be wise to show your kids that you are making life choices from a position of independence and strength.
All the best to you and your kids, Mom.
All the best to you and your kids, Mom.
"I want to be with the 36 year old but the 54 year old told me if he can't have me the 36 year can't have me either. I stuck in between a rock and hard place right now. "..................Is that supposed to be a threat? And NO you aren't between a rock and hard place. You may think that, but in reality you aren't.
How does he have the NERVE to tell you who to be with when he is still married? Sounds a bit controlling and manipulative.
Wonder what his wife thinks about all this?
How does he have the NERVE to tell you who to be with when he is still married? Sounds a bit controlling and manipulative.
Wonder what his wife thinks about all this?
Do you work? Yes, Full time and Part Time
Do you need ESL, or college to get a job? No
Do you have friends and family near to you? Yes
Do you have your own interests and hobbies? Going to Church and spending family time
Do you have children? yes Do you want children? If I get marry I do want a kid by my husband Have you talked about having kids with the 54 year old, regardless of whether you 'love" him enough? He don't want more kids
Do you need ESL, or college to get a job? No
Do you have friends and family near to you? Yes
Do you have your own interests and hobbies? Going to Church and spending family time
Do you have children? yes Do you want children? If I get marry I do want a kid by my husband Have you talked about having kids with the 54 year old, regardless of whether you 'love" him enough? He don't want more kids
COMMUNITY LEADER
I think it is always dangerous to be with somebody primarily for the financial help they give us. This is not what authentic relationships are about in my opinion. You seem to mainly be with the older gentleman because he provides for you. I find that a little hard to swallow to be honest. So, agree with all above that the younger man is someone you should be with for a true relationship rather than being a kept women for financial gain.
I do, however, caution you that you overlapped relationships. This makes me worry that you have an issue of being without a man in your life. When that is the case, it is often very difficult to form lasting relationships because there is a bit of a neediness on your part that will cloud your ability to make good choices. Have you had any significant time period in life without a man in it? (as an adult).
So, I think that since you state clearly that you do not love the older man as he does you, the kindest thing to do is to let him go. He should be with a woman that truly cherishes and loves him. It would be selfish to stay with him just for the things he gives you.
And then pursue things with the younger man and see where it goes.
good luck
I do, however, caution you that you overlapped relationships. This makes me worry that you have an issue of being without a man in your life. When that is the case, it is often very difficult to form lasting relationships because there is a bit of a neediness on your part that will cloud your ability to make good choices. Have you had any significant time period in life without a man in it? (as an adult).
So, I think that since you state clearly that you do not love the older man as he does you, the kindest thing to do is to let him go. He should be with a woman that truly cherishes and loves him. It would be selfish to stay with him just for the things he gives you.
And then pursue things with the younger man and see where it goes.
good luck
"For the last couple week the 54 year old has been looking for a lawyer trying to work on his divorce. Because he don't want to lose me."..............Hon, like I stated he is NO position to be asking you to marry him. He isn't even available for all that. Divorces don't happen overnight and who is saying the wife will agree. Food for thought.
I am pretty much saying the same thing Chima stated.
Find someone closer to your age and with LESS baggage.
All the best.
I am pretty much saying the same thing Chima stated.
Find someone closer to your age and with LESS baggage.
All the best.
Do you work?
Do you need ESL, or college to get a job?
Do you have friends and family near to you?
Do you have your own interests and hobbies?
Do you have children? Do you want children? Have you talked about having kids with the 54 year old, regardless of whether you 'love" him enough?
Do you need ESL, or college to get a job?
Do you have friends and family near to you?
Do you have your own interests and hobbies?
Do you have children? Do you want children? Have you talked about having kids with the 54 year old, regardless of whether you 'love" him enough?
So this 54 year old is now threatening your life telling you that if he can't have you , neither can the 36 year old? What does that mean? Maybe you should ask, and record it on your telephone or tape recorder. Being careful not to let him see you do so. That way, you can bring it to a police station and ask what you can do next.
It seems that this guy may be dangerous to you.
Have you talked to the 36 year old about your wanting to maybe start a relationship with him? There may be a physical attraction, but he might want someone stable, with a job and life of their own, that they control.
The thing is, for a relationship to get off to a good start, you should both be in a strong position. What position are you in?
It seems that this guy may be dangerous to you.
Have you talked to the 36 year old about your wanting to maybe start a relationship with him? There may be a physical attraction, but he might want someone stable, with a job and life of their own, that they control.
The thing is, for a relationship to get off to a good start, you should both be in a strong position. What position are you in?
I want to be with the 36 year old but the 54 year old told me if he can't have me the 36 year can't have me either. I stuck in between a rock and hard place right now.
For the last couple week the 54 year old has been looking for a lawyer trying to work on his divorce. Because he don't want to lose me.
How can you make marriage plans with a man who is already married?
I would recommend pursuing the 36 year old man because he is 100% available as the older man isn't.
The controlling issue doesn't even sound appealing.
I would recommend pursuing the 36 year old man because he is 100% available as the older man isn't.
The controlling issue doesn't even sound appealing.
Why do you call this a twisted relationship? Will the new person provide all the things the 54 year old has provided? What is the main reason you were with the 54 year old in the first place? You mention good to you, it that in a financial way?
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If you were smart you'd dump the married guy now. Like today. It's pointless to keep waiting for him. Not to mention, if any guy tried to control me like that I'd show him the door and tell him to get lost. What's so appealing about being in a relationship with a control freak? Is it money? Is that why you're selling your soul to stay with this creep? I'd rather be poor and living in a studio apartment than to stay with a creep like him.
You already know all of this, my advice is that you quit stalling and dump the married guy so you can have a chance at a happier life with someone who isn't going to keep trying to control you.