Is my husband secretly bisexual?

[helpme766]

I am in a predicament myself. my husband is 15yrs older than I am and we run a business in which he travels most of the time,gone for months at a time. I had wondered briefly before if he were bisexual but he became defensive,although I am sure the way he was asked was not comforting. Recently I was working on our website hosting due to email problems i was having so I checked his to see if his was working. I found a response he had made to a personal ad in the area he was working in to meet this person for gay sex. I will say I have been on an emotional roller coaster but have not let him know my findings. I am just dumbfounded. We have had ups and downs: of his possible infidelity with women, always having porno pics of women on his computer despite knowing how I feel about it,and for the past 6 years every single time we have sex he pushes me to tell him that I want to have a threesome with a man-which I do not. Marriage is a commitment and I do not believe in that-but sex is becoming undesirable to me because I get so tired of him pushing that to be my fantasy when it is his. He has always been very promiscuous with women,been married before,has kids. I am so confused and feel so betrayed-more than the past times even though he swears he has never cheated on me. This time though-he went looking for an ad to have casual sex-man or woman it is cheating. The hard thing is he has been a great provider for us, and although he is obsessed with work,he does care about my kids and always treated them as his own.
Please help-so confused.

[helpme766]

Honestly, I really am not concerned about making him mad- he reads my email- I don't care a bit I have nothing to hide. I also was not on there to look for something- I was completely shocked in all honesty. A year a half ago I found out I had HPV and immediately confronted him about infidelity-he turned it around and asked me if I was or had cheated. I have only had sex with 2 men my whole life- my first husband and him. I think I am the one who is entitled to being mad here.

[helpme766]

I have wondered a lot- I just don't know what to believe. I don't know if I could live with it or not. The only reason I have not confronted him yet is because he is still out of town and I want to confront him face to face. If I did it over the phone I am sure he will probably make up some lie like he doesn't know how that email got there and I would get so angry I would just hang up on him and I know that is not the way to handle this- I need to see his face. Also his mother has cancer very bad and he is having trouble dealing with that so I guess I thought I should set aside my problems with him,but then again she isn't getting better I can't drag this out in my head much longer.
Not only is has he provided for us- we own a business together-that is my job and I would have to leave because it wouldn't work otherwise. Thank you for your advice it helps to have an outside view.

[Vance2335]

He may be wondering what it is like to have sex and he might not have done anything. I have a friend who would answer ads about sex with men but never went through with it.

I would confront him about the issue and see what he says. But this is also an envasion of his privacy, not saying what he did or might do is right but he might get very upset. So address the ad but I would say do it in a different way then say "I found this in your e-mail"
Maybe talk to him about a 3-some, just bring it up and say something like "You have been telling me that I want a 3-some with another man, what exactly would be going on if we did something like that?" Get him to tell you if he wants to interact with the man at all, this might be the only way to find out without him getting mad.

[mami1323]

Wow, I would be very confused as well.  I think you know the answer already.  You have clear cut evidence of him looking to having sexual relations with someone of the same gender.  Have you thought that perhaps he has a sexual addiction?  It sounds like him being extremely promiscuious in the past and then now with the porn and the gay sex.  It's like he's living a second life.  You're so right, even if the sex is with a man it is still cheating.  What is holding you back from confronting him about the ad?  Unfortunately, you can not push something like that under the rug because it will eat away at you.  Can you live with the thoughts of him doing this and stay with him because he's a good provider?  Basically turning a blind's eye to the situation?  If you can, then only you can make a decision like that.  It seems you aren't really happy with him because sex has become less fulfilling with his requests of threesomes.  You are probably feeling low because of the situation.  I don't think you can stay just because he's a good provider and is good to your kids.  That's just my opinion.