Need advice on relationship

[zkien1234]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for over 2 years, live together and will be having a baby together soon. I feel I truly love my girlfriend, but I am having a hard time trusting her. To start off my girlfriend and I are from two different backgrounds, which is great in some ways b/c we work well together, but her family for lack of a better word are kinda low-lifes,but I feel she isn't like that.The reason i mention the whole different background thing is b/c we dont see eye to eye on our values at times;, she has done a lot more partying/drugs, slept around more and has just done things I would consider bad in her past.This whole mistrust thing was sparked by a decrease in sex in our relationship. I currently am still very sexually attracted to her and really enjoy having sex with her (when we do), but she seems like she could take it or leave it. When our relationship 1st started the sex was good and I have discussed this with her, which she replied she was just trying to get me to like her, so having sex with me a lot was part of that (1st concern). We have discussed the sex problems too many times to count and her answer is always the same; nothing to do with me, she would be like that with any guy, not cheating.... The kicker on this is she has told me stories of her past sex life that really don't jive with her not wanting sex with me. She has had prob twice as many partners as I and has done a few things I don't even want to say. Well in addition to this she also has a lot of guy friends, which I have no problem with, but I have caught these guys flirting with her and trying to get her to cheat a few times( 2nd concern). She says that just b/c they are saying this stuff, her response to them is always that it is never going to happen, but never really tells them to knock it off. Personally if girls were talking like that to me, I would ask them to stop out of respect for her and if they wont then obviously that is the only reason they are being ur friend. Then recently  I did a bad thing and signed into her Facebook... I know this is terrible of me to do, but this has been eating me for a long time and we are thinking of buying a house to make room for the little one, but I just needed to be sure I am doing the right thing. Well I found in there a message between her girlfriend and her describing a dream she had about this guy she used to go to school with and how after she has those dreams and thinks about him, she gets butterflys in her stomach. She basically sums this guy up by saying he was exactly like me, but more manly, which is exactly what she wants. The reason the manly thing came up is b/c I was raised in a house of just girls for many years.. It's not to say that I'm not manly, im just not a tough guy type and I help out with cooking/cleaning. Well I admitted to her I logged into her account and told her what I found and it was turned around on me for being a snooper ( i know, i am), but snooping or not, what she wrote to her friend must have had some truth to it. I just don't know if I can continue in this relationship no matter how much I love her, b/c i dont trust her or her friends and Im thinking Im not what she really wants and the sex thing has more to do with me than she is leading on. I need advice please! Ami being decived? Ps. she is a really good liar too, which doesnt fare well for me.

[zkien1234]

Hey, I really appreciate your advice, it helps a lot. I forgot about this post, because I have my account here hooked up to an email I rarely use, so my apologizes for my delay. To answer some of your questions;

Yes, I have confirmed with my girlfriend that she does like the attention of other guys flirting with her (ought oh!). She has told me when I have asked about it, but she claims she doesn't flirt back, but it just makes her feel good. Well I kinda came across another conversation between her and an old guy friend of hers and she seems to be the flirty one in this instance. The guy in the conversation really wasn't being flirtatious at all, but she comes out and talks about how good looking he is and when she see's him out in public she just wants to stare, but doesn't want to upset me or his wife.. So now I am really questioning who's really doing the flirting.

As far as how I know she is a good liar, I have just experienced her doing it to other people in her life... Friends, family... And she is good at it. She clamis she would never lie to me, but can I believe that?

For the lack of sex thing... This is def not anything to do with her being pregnant, because this started way before she was pregnant.

Yes, I do not feel I don't measure up to her standards qw a boyfriend. The reason I say this is because early in our relationship we almost broke up for this reason. She didn't think I was manly enough and I explained that I understood that and I am trying to be more that way, because I hate how I am sometimes, which is mostly due to my upbringing around girls. This fight basically came down to her wanting to help me be more of the person I want to be and I would say Im getting closer.

Last couple of things; No, in my gut, I don't think she is faithful, but I hope I am wrong.. It is b/c of all of this stuff with other guys and she has told me she has cheated a lot in her past. She only ever had one serious long term thing before me, but the guy she had her first relationship with was the guy she cheated on her other boyfriends with after him. And of course she is still friends with this guy and told me that at the beginning of our relationship he tried something with her, but she said she told him know (hmmm???).

The low-life family thing I would never bring up to her, just trying to give you a background on her upbringing. It's not that they are bad people, they just do somethings that are bad and I am finding out more and more of them are also unfaithful in their relationships, so it makes me nervous about her.

Let me know if I missed any info and I really appreciate your feedback!

[teddybears4ever2]

Listen to specialmom she is very wise in what she is saying.  You see there are a lot of things that are wrong with what you said.  First off you should NEVER insult your girlfriend's family.  That is rude and uncalled for.
It seems to me that you are looking for a problem.  If you look for one you will surely find it. You are making way too big of a deal out of her friends flirting with her.  I get hit on all the time and I don't worry about it.  At the end of the day I am married.
Also the pregnancy hormones came to mind when I was reading the post as well.  I have heard that many times pregnant women don't even want to be touched.  
A dream?  That's it, and that's all it was a dream.  So you are basically saying that whenever we dream it is what we want.  That makes no sense.  A dream is nothing more than a dream.  I have a feeling that she didn't tell you about it, because she knew you would act this way.  
How do you know that she even lied?  You have no proof.  So stop jumping to conclusions, and find some hardcore evidence.
You should find a way to make this up to her, buy her something nice, or something for the baby.  You have been very nice and are just giving her reasons to walk away from you.

[specialmom]

Welcome to the community, first of all.  You seem so sincere in trying to figure this out and I am happy to offer advice to you but want you to know it is just based off this snippet of information.   So I will tell you what I think from your post----------  first, I think that a low libido on her part can be due partly to her pregnancy.  Hormones, uncomfortable, tired and being scared (and no matter how much you want a baby----  becoming a parent is a little scary . . . aren't you scared a little??) can all have an effect.  So some of that may be going on.  And if that is the case, after baby this may linger.  But . . . do not fear as it usually comes back as a child becomes less demanding of mommy (speaking from experience here).  If you once had a great sex life . . . that is a good thing.   That means that you can connect well sexually and will do so again.  Relationships also will mature often and in that next phase after the initial "new" phase . . . sex might decrease.  Well, when that happens------ you keep a date night going (even after baby . . . you can make her dinner while she puts baby down for a few hours at night and have a date right at home with the point being to spend some special time together), try to stay connected, and focus on your bond as a couple.  
Second, well---------- her past is her past.  I would maybe not bring her family (the low life comment) into it as that may be an attitude you have that she will pick up on and that would make her defensive and angry (as anyone would be).  She did a lot of things before she met you . . . but what has she done lately?  How is she as a girlfriend to you?  Are you close, talk often, have fun together?  Is she faithful (from what your gut tells you), does she make you feel important, does she put you before herself part of the time?  These are the things you should think about--------- the here and now.  Everyone has a past and it makes us who we are.  I'd say that my past made me wiser and able to appreciate where I am now.  
Third, male friends and some are flirtatious.  This is a bit trickier.  Does she enjoy the attention?  That is a problem if she does.  Some people feed off of this kind of attention and obviously it is not the greatest thing for a relationship.  So think about that and if she does-------- that is a red flag.  We all like to feel attractive but we do not actively seek out "friendships" that this is an element to it.  I have a friend that is a knock out but she has low self esteem.  She had a lot of guy friends that were all secretly in love with her (she's gorgous)----  some not even secretly.  She ate it up but always maintained just a frienship with them.  It ended when she married.  My own husband had female friends that wanted to date him and that was part of the friendship.  He didn't want them but it must have made him feel good to have them liking him in that way.  I don't know----------- but here is what I did.  I said that he could have all the female friends he wanted . . . as long as they were my friends too.  Actually I lie.  HE made that the deal.  Anyway, Half dropped of the face of the Earth the day we got married.  A couple of others drifted off after that and the rest are good friends of OURS.  Problem solved------ if they didn't want to hang with me . . . and my partner who never acted anything but in love with me in front of them . . . then they went bye bye.  

Last---------- I don't recommend snooping.  We all should be able to talk to a friend about a dream.  I have dreams about my two boyfriends on the side all the time (George Clooney and Brad Pitt) . . . that is really meaningless.  Her comments are not great . . . but we don't know what she means by them either.  Is she just talking or do you feel that you do not measure up to what she is really attracted to?  Does she treat you that way?  

How do you know she is a good liar, by the way?  Does she lie to you or something?

I don't know if this is helpful---------- but those are just my thoughts after reading your post.  I hope it all works out for you two now that you have a wonderful baby on the way.  That is motivation for making this work!!  good luck  (oh, and would couple's therapy be an option.  It is so great when a couple does it before problems really arise but just to stregnthen the relationsip.)