Are they just ignoring me ?

[dogcrazie892]

Hi, I have been at this job for 5 months now. I got really good relationship with the head girl shes loud and bubbly,  then 2 months later after I started a new girl arrived and shes quite girly, bubbly and loud. She was really nice and we got on well and stuff etc.

Then in February I broke my ankle so am now back at work but I will talk to the head girl like and she will be like "yes" "no"  and I try and talk to the other girl and on lunchtime, I thought "Im not going to start a convo with you, its your turn" sort of thing, silence for a whole half hour so I had to try and start talking again to her and sam as the other really short answers. I mean sometimes she will like ask how are you and what did you get up to when you broke your ankle and stuff but thats it !!!

(we are a team we work together) and when sometimes the clients will talk to us I find it hard to say anything. And also like when the the two girls are talking together I dont know what to say or I dont have anything to say at all.

But Im a thinker and listener (told by my parents) and Im a naturally shy and quiet person.


Sooo what do I do ? are they just being bitchy ? why are they being like this ?

Thankyou.

[dogcrazie892]

Thankyou soo much !!! that has really made me cheer up about the whole thing :D

[Londres70]

Exactly Kayannaboo and Specialmom.  

[specialmom]

Hi.  I also am a bit old school when it comes to the work place.  It is a place to produce and chatting isn't really condusive to that.  Nor is coworker drama.  So, do your best to keep that to a minimum. I have a hard time actually picturing you having a dialogue in  your head about how you aren't going to talk to someone first.  That is just creating unnecessary issues within yourself.  If you want to be friendly and talk, do so.  If not, eat your lunch and don't worry about it.  

And while it stings maybe a tiny bit to hear that this could be perceived as a self image problem . . .. that is said to try to help you look at this from another angle.  I would agree that I'm puzzled at the concern here.  I don't think they are being b itchy by what you say but instead think you feel like they are better friends with each other than with you and  you feel left out. And now you are filled with self doubt as to why.  That is most likely within your own head.  

some women are a bit caddy . . . but you are there to work, hon, so don't get involved with that.  Just ignore it and do the best job you can.  If you are quiet with clients, that is an area to force yourself a bit.  I do my best to be good at any job I do so that I have confidence when speaking to anyone about it.  I can chit chat as I have no hang ups if someone will think I'm good enough or likable.  I'm there to do a job and I  just do it.  so, I'd try to get more of that mindset about this.  goodluck

[dogcrazie892]

Thankyou all for your comments.

[Kayannaboo]

I would look at it as, this is work not a social gathering. I agree with Londres when she said 'you are thinking WAY too much about it'. I understand you are trying to be friendly but in that environment if people are not willing to be friends then you do what you have to do and go home. Apparently something transpired while you were gone or the fact that you were gone made them uncaring towards you. Perhaps they are having the thought that this is work and so they are not even thinking of being friends. You just accept the fact that they are being courteous and move on. Its not worth the thought I believe. Also, its been five months and you were out for some of it, give them time to know you and develop a friendship is they so wish but I am not so sure why you would think that their dismissive is an issue. Maybe as Rockrose says you aren't chatty and they are so they prefer to be chatty together.

Its not like they are being rude or completely ignoring you, they simply do not feel like conversing with you. You leave them be and sit there in silence. Do something else or think other thoughts. I am not saying that you shouldn't strike up a convo with them but if they are not interested, what do you do???

Anna  

[RockRose]

Not everyone is chatty - they are,  and you aren't.  I don't think they're ignoring you,  it's just easier to talk to chatty people than quiet ones.

I think you're really over thinking this,  especially keeping tabs on who has started what conversation and deciding you'll sit there in silence rather than start one.

Your two interests that you list - animals and piano - are solitary pursuits. It takes all kinds of people in the world - those who have the gift of gab and those who are more introspective.

I wouldn't take it as a personal insult that you and your coworkers don't have as lively a conversation as they do with each other.

(An aside,  there's a women's clothing store here run by two sisters,  they're in their 50's.  Those two CAN TALK!!   The whole time I'm in there there is a running,  and interesting conversation that is relevant and fresh - how in the world do these two have all this much to say to each other when they work together?  Amazing.)

[dogcrazie892]

Thankyou for the comment, but I disagree with you.

[Londres70]

After reading this post and your other posts sounds like you have a self-esteem issue of some sort; I can't really say this is "being shy."  You are thinking WAY too much about this.  Perhaps having a job that requires you to be social with clients ISN'T for you.  Sounds like the other two girls are a "perfect fit" for this position/job.  

Work is work; it is not a social club or anything of that sort.  You are there to get along with the co-workers to WORK, not to see how many co-workers will befriend YOU.   They are NOT obligated to be your friend.  They are obligated to respect you as a co-worker and get the job done.

Your statement....."(we are a team we work together) and when sometimes the clients will talk to us I find it hard to say anything. And also like when the the two girls are talking together I dont know what to say or I dont have anything to say at all." ...... Yes, a team is supposed to work together, but EVERY member MUST pull his/her weight meaning YOU.  Maybe they feel you aren't doing that because you aren't able to talk or say much to the clients?  

Food for thought.