I believe my partner is addicted to pornography...how much is to much?

[dsham]

How much porn is to much?
My partner watches A LOT of porn, and says its just something he likes to do.
I also watch porn but in a much more limited version.
I don't have a problem with porn itself but I do have an issue with it consuming hours at a time, as well as when I have voiced my issue there is no change in his behavior. Almost a disregard for my feelings..he says that I am making to much out of this, because "its not like he is cheating or doing anything wrong"
He also is not getting aroused by the porn (i've checked), he says its not sexual for him, he just does it because he is bored.
This doesn't make sense to me...can someone please shed any light you can on this.
Outside of this our sex life is ok....we have sex about once a month. Which is much less than I would like, but I believe that his libido is much lower than mine...is this due to the porn?
Please help!

[teko]

If a guy has an addiction of any kind besides you! Lose em!

[Lucey12]

I have a bit of a problem with it myself. I think that Im not good enough, but thats just my low self of steam. My man is with me, he still has sex with me and only me, so its easier to deal with when I think of that.

I know someone who was married to his wife for 28 years. They had sex, resulting in miscariage. 3 more times resulting in children, and one more resulting in miscariage. THATS IT! That was the only time in their 28 year marriage they had sex. She wanted it A LOT. He didnt, but he was either watching porn or making it or other videos of himself wanking into a cup, or other sexual things. THATS A PROBLEM. Another problem is he told his wife he didnt have sex with her for numerous reasons. Each reason she would fix, and he would come up with a different reason. They are now divorced and the woman has got back to where she was before she was with him. She sleeps around like she was 18 again...like before she was married.

[Clarkos]

I have a slightly different view on the porn discussion. As far as I can understand there are a couple dangers. Firstly when a person watches a lot of porn they can begin to see people as objects of fantasy rather than real human beings, not just the porn actors but people in real day to day life, another words, it can dehumanize a person to the point that when they meet a girl all they can think about is the girls butt, breasts, or worse, instead of being neutral. Secondly, watching to much porn can lead a person to think that this behavior is normal and desirable in their own sexual relationship, they begin to act out with their partner like they are in a porn film, porn is not very loving or romantic is it? Another words it desensitizes them. They loose sight of what a really loving and romantic sexual experience should be and act like they are in an impersonal porn film. Finally, enough is never enough. It starts out with moderate porn but after a while that doesn't do it for them anymore so they need something more hardcore and after a while that doesn't do it for them so they go a little more hardcore until they are watching bestiality, girls eating their own **** and all sorts of ugly things that would have made them really sick to the stomach when they first started out. Another words, it can detach a person from reality. The danger is that it can lead to rape, pedophilia, prostitution, breakdown in relationships and much worse.

[bip]

It's ok watching it once an awhile but all the time I think that would bother me... Me I probably would tell him if he doesn't like what Im giving him he can go to hell. That is how I feel.

[koukla29]

Has the sex life always been just once a month?  Pornography can sometimes be a progressive influence, meaning it will take more and more to stimulate him.  It sounds like this is an issue if he cannot give up the porn, or somehow incoporate it into your sex life.  

Since you have already had a heart to heart with him about how this affects you, and he is not willing to change his behavior, it sounds to me like his behavior is a problem that has a lot of addictive characteristics.  Therefore, I believe he has already passed the "too much" level.

[pertykitty]

this is odd. not getting aroused, and not having anything better to do. how many hours are you talking? like a few a week or several a day? i dont know about this, id say if it takes time away from work, your relationship, chores, then yes i could be a problem. if it upsets you and he doesnt care, that is a problem. is he addicted? i dont know , i seem to be addicted to this site lol. maybe he needs a physical, maybe there is a health issue. to me (and this is my opinion) porn is used for becoming aroused, or in addition to sexual activity. i find it odd that a person would just sit around and watch it just because they are bored. there are many reasons i could come up with, but if he isnt willing to discuss this with you, nothing will matter. i do have to ask, when you said you checked, did you go over to him and physically grab him to see if he was excited?? and he didnt want anything to do with that?? interesting. i know there will be others that might give you a better idea or suggestion. i have no problems with some porn, but not when it takes away from daily life that sounds like a problem.