dissapointed and hurt

[mckee513]

In my first trimester I found my husband had been looking at porn on his phone. This usually doesn't bother me at all. We watched together a few times but I was in bed when he did this time. I was hurt and crying he said sorry I didn't want to wake you so I just did that instead. Then in my second trimester feeling ugly and huge I saw it in his history again. This time I lost it. A mistake happens once the second time it becomes a choice. He held me and apologized and cried himself. Well now in my third he was googling something he wanted to show me and it was in his history again. I'm beyond angry or hurt how could he not care about something I feel so strongly about? I didn't say anything. What's left to say? He knows he hurt me yet chooses to do so anyway. Anyone with words of wisdom of how I can repair my heart after he has done this repeatedly. I feel like I will never look at him the same again.

[simplyanonymous]

@Pansie...when in my post did I say it was a "man thing"? I believe that any horny person would find someway to stimulate themselves..being porn or whatever they feel is fitting.

[RockRose]

McKee,  when you look at the porn he is looking at,  is it basically normal sex stuff with women who look fairly similar to you?  If that's the case,  I really think you should work to dismiss this thought process from your mind,  instead of trying to lock him out of a phone.

I know women my husband finds attractive - both in real life and on TV/movies,  and basically they look like me.  Some are prettier,  but they're my "type" of woman.  

Is that the case for you too?  And you only know he's been doing this because you've searched on his phone - he's not doing it to the point that it's becoming a complete distraction.

If I found disturbing images of violence or children,  or  . . . well,  disturbed acts I would be GREATLY concerned - but images of plain old sex with pretty women . . .  I think you should work to try to let go of your anger.

The thing is,  he's looking in public too.  You just don't see it.  That's men.  ;D  Very visual.

[baby2_on_the_way]

make your own porno!!!! sounds weird but then he is jackin off to you not other girls.. have you watched porn? have you seen there fugly faces, fugly bodies, and discustingly large holes!?!?!?! he just needs something to play with himself to because his imagination is lacking the ability to do it for him anymore. and when your porno isn't doing it for him anymore make another KINKIER one!! (only do this if you completely trust your man not to share and if you are comfortable with it))

[rachyrou]

I know i'm posting, again. But it's because this issue has effected me for three years. Porn can be harmless fun for some men, and some women / couples. But there are more issues to it than that ( as I stated above )
The unrealistic expectations of women and the treatment of women, is largely affected by our over sexualisation and porn culture. Porn can be dangerous, some sites have no boundaries, so some men could be watching normal porn... then they see a few links to ...Rape porn, violent porn, abduction porn... they watch it, and start enjoying it.. they don't see the harm because it's all over the internet.. some even normal porn is agressive towards the women.. slapping the face... being very agressive during oral.. lets not forget alot of women in the porn industry come from being abducted and forced into it.. Oh and have you heard of the lovely "creep shots" craze? it's where men send in photos or videos, of women they capture in public.. eg hidden cameras in toilets, taking photos down womens tops, up their skirts, and posting them online, without consent obvoiusly. this world is going hateful and very misogynistic towards women. It's actually sad that some people don't know some of the awful things going on behind the scenes.

[Pansie]

I agree @glorytogod @rachyrou @shawna , my bf has insecuritys like when I speak to men or if a blokes got his top off I dont look at other men and avoid speaking to men at all costs,  because relationships are built on trust. And plus I only love him I dont want anyone else. I also am a Christian and Catholic and believe it is a sin to watch porn! But I know some people are accepting of it thats fine if thats ok with them I aint judging.

[rachyrou]

Also simplyanonymous, my other half was using porn INSTEAD of coming to me. I'd be upstairs waiting for him to come to bed (waited 2/3 hours every night on average) he was masturbating to porn. He wasn't sleeping with me. I found the history and was so hurt that I was replaced. It was like I wasn't good enough, I didn't look like them. Porn can easily make men feel women are objects and should act, look and dress a certain way. It destroyed my relationship. He even moved on to talking to other women (sexual messages with someone he had slept with before me,) and then looking at girls in our area that popped up on facebook. So porn DID lead to him viewing me as not important and women as objects. I have told him if I ever find it again, I'll be gone. For good. Because he has made me very depressed with his lies, dishonesty and generally being a pig. Obviously not every man who watches porn ends up doing that. But porn is dangerous for how women are being viewed and treated in society today. I'd happily provide links to examples of how women are being treated. Like I said, good for you if you don't have an issue, But we have the RIGHT to our feelings.