holding onto anger over something boyfriend did 6months ago!!

[britt_brat87]

A while back like in April my bf and I were having sex and we always use condoms, but this one time he took it upon himself to take the condom off w/o telling me. I immediately stopped once I felt it was off and I asked him and he said no he had it on the whole time and took it off once he pulled out. However, I knew that wasn't the case. I asked him again and he claims it was on. To make a long story short he ended up caLling me on his drive home & fessed up and apologized for lying to my face and doing that w/o my permission. He said he has never done anything like that & he doesn't know what came over him.

Now I was pissed bc I always use condoms & I feel if we wanted to not use condoms it should have been something we discussed together. Not him just thinking it was ok to do. Well, I made sure he got tested for every std under the sun & I had already been tested back in Jan, but the paranoid person I am got tested 3x after what he did.

The issue now is that I'm extra causicious when having sex w him and I think its cus I'm still holding onto anger from what he did in April! I still can't believe he did that! Its almost Nov and everyone says I need to let it go cus he apologized and tested for stds and everything is good, but deep down inside I'm still pissed! I still think about it daily its like he betrayed me trust.

Am I being to over the top about it
? How do I let it go & get over it since it happened nearly 6-7months ago?

[treazzure007]

id be over the top about it.  it's serious business- sex is.  he did that for a reason and it would have been better if he had told the truth as to what it was for.  was it b/c he wanted to see what it felt like w/out a condom?  had he decided he wanted a pregnancy?  what?!  saying "i don't know" isnt good enough b/c he knows.  if he asks why youre still paranoid just answer "i don't know".  it's a good enough response here

[Redhenful]

Yes, i can see why you dont trust him!
But.. in order to have a healthy relationship.. you have to try to start trusting him again...
And if he ever does anything lke that again... i'd dump him very fast!

[teko]

He betrayed you in the worst of the worst ways. He took away your choice, your voice, and put his selfish needs above you at any cost. I would be ticked too! What if you turned up pregnant for crying out loud! Absolutely I would feel betrayed and he sure woulda been hearing about it for sure! What if you had gone off the pill and told him you were on it when you were not! Would he think it harmless? Especially if you ended up pregnant! Yeah! I can see where your anger might be coming from!

[britt_brat87]

I'm 23 and he is 25! I NEVER doubted him until he did that then it made me wonder like what else could he have done or will do! I even went as far as to ask him if he has or would cheat on me due to his impulsive behavior from that one time. He got pissed and said he can't believe I would ask him that & its apperant I'm not gonna let him live down one mistake.

I didn't want to take it there, but I mean if he did that who knows what else he would do! I care for him so much and knows at the end of the day he cares for me, but that just pissed me off majorly.
I just want to be able to trust him sexually. Other then that things r fine w us.
  

[cheshchesh819]

Exactly,not only that he is making you doubt yourself and your own mind,if you still cant get over it after this long i think you are going to have trust issues which you shouldnt have to have,you have doubts,how old are you?

[britt_brat87]

Yea, I know I need to let it go cus it was just so long ago. However, it just makes me question like y...what was the point. It also makes me question his judgement on things...since he was quick to do that w/o worrying about my opinion...it makes me wonder if he is that impulsive when not around me!

[cheshchesh819]

Its not just a trust issue here he couldnt speak to you honestly about it so not only do you feel like you cant trust him but there is no communication going on,i know it wont happenduring sex but he should have discussed his issues about wearing a condom with you,to just take it off without you knowing is just wrong.Now it is up to you if you want to stay with a man who can do something so spontanious as that,if your relationship is strong enough the go for it,but if you have doubts now dont put yourself through the heartache.

[specialmom]

Well, I think he betrayed your trust over something you take quite seriously and then tried to lie his way out of it.  (STD's are a concern AND pregnancy and glad neither of those occurred).  I think we date to find out if we want to take things to the next level with someone.  I'd have concerns for someone that handled something I took quite seriously in such a way.  I don't think you are over reacting----------  but here is the thing.  IF you are going to stay with him----------- yes, you need to forgive him and move on.  If you can't do that------------ then you just need to move on . .. without him.  good luck