hubby and video games

[mommy27]

Okay---I am 28 yrs. old and have been married for 9 years. My husband and I have 3 beautiful kids. The problem is my husband bought the dreaded xbox360 when it first came out. He was really great as far as playing it but he didn't have xbox live yet either. He got hooked up with live this year in Feb. and became obsessed!! He works in the oil field so he's off a week and on a week. On his off time, all he does is play the stupid xbox! He plays from the time he gets up to the time he goes to bed! We don't have sex anymore b/c he can't seem to get off long enough to spend time with me. He gets upset if u walk in front of the t.v. (God forbid he die on the game!). He got real good about playing only after the kids and I went to bed. BUT, Halo 3 came out Monday night at midnight. He went to the store to get it (at midnight) and played all night long. Now, all he plays is that game. I hate the xbox so much. I hate looking at it. I hate hearing it. I just HATE it! He says that I stay on the computer all the time, but that's b/c he plays video games all the time and I have nothing else to do. When the kids are here, we practice their sports and do school work. But when they are at school, I do stay on the computer b/c I'm bored. He did agree to do "family night" on Friday nights. We eat popcorn and watch movies with the kids which is great. But after they go to bed, it's game time! Am I being to needy? Should I back off a little? Any advice as to what I can do to get him to understand that xbox is consuming him would be nice. He claims that he can go a day without playing but I haven't seen that yet. I need advice. Thanks!

[Barbarella]

Ladies,

I've been there, I know what you are going through.  I'm just the person to keep my sanity I always no matter what it is in life think "things could be a lot worst", that is what gets me through life.  Whether its husband, family, a medical condition, whatever it is I always say there are people who have it a lot worst than me.  Does that make the computer games any better and easier to deal with?  Of course not, but if they don't want to change, they wont, you will get upset and tear up your nerves, that is why I always said to myself "it could be worst" at least he is home.  Did I deserve more attention?  Hell yes, but the computer game was more important.  I looked at the good points.  He never controlled me, he let me do whatever I wanted, we always had enough food and clothes.  I sometimes thought he could be out in a Casino and gambling our life savings away.  That is just as bad as going to bars.

Hang in there, these games will get old one day.  My husband only does it 2 hrs in the evening now.

[mommy27]

I agree with you about the going out to the bars and picking up women but.....I also agree with bedtimestory about men playing the games to a point where that is all they do. My husband has gotten better as far as playing at night while the kids are home. We actually watched t.v. shows together which has been a while. I really enjoyed snuggling on the couch with him. He did play after the kids and I went to bed which is fine. We have spent the day together away from the house which was awesome.
People don't understand how addictive video games can be. Esp. online playing. He has made some good friends online and even talks to them on the phone sometimes. My son plays with him sometimes but I do limit him. He doesn't have the time really to play during the week b/c of his sports. But, when it comes to a point to where a person plays games all the time then they definitley have a problem. They don't realize how long they play or how much it bothers the other person. It is highly additive and should be recognized. I am very thankful that he doesn't go out and party but the game playing to me is just as bad. He plays to the point that he doesn't hear me when I talk or when the kids talk to him. That is a problem!!!
But like I said, he is getting better day by day. I'm thankful that he has realized that it consumed him that much. He's a great dad and husband. I hope he continues to limit his playing time which I think he will.

[bedtimestory]

I totally agree with you. Especially the very last part. It's true that one would rather have their partners on the computer or in front of the tv playing stupid games than getting drunk or STDs out on the streets. Barbarella, you have a very good point.

Nevertheless, I just think these things shouldn't happen at all. Playing games every day as if you did not have a wife or as if she were invisible is not a good way to go. But I agree with what you say and perfectly understand your point.

Truth is....there are more addicted men than women when it comes to playing games on the computer. My boyfriend even tells me that those games are not stupid because THEY MAKE YOU THINK where the enemy is hiding and so your brain is actually functioning. I feel like hitting him hard with the first thing I see everytime he tells me that.lol

[Barbarella]

I'm not making light of your situation.  My husband used to play a lot of computer games, he still does, but not as much.  Our son used to play with him, our kids are now grown.  As much as I hated it I always thought at least he is at home, and not out in some bar, picking up women, getting STD's. driving drunk, getting a DUI, go to jail if he shall hit or kill somebody while driving drunk, losing his job over it.  

I don't think I'd have the nerves to worry every night should he be in a bar.  Trust me, there are tons of men who do that every night.

Men are still kids inside.  Playing computer games, unless its Porn, brings the little kid out in him.

[mommy27]

We had a talk about the xbox last night and I told him how I felt. So, he said that he will only play after the kids and I go to bed. He didn't play at all last night so that is a huge plus!! another huge plus is....he surprised my daughters with Hannah Montana tickets....They came in the mail saturday.....my oldest almost started crying! I am so proud of him for getting tickets for them....Maybe he is trying to get involved with the family again....I told him that I felt like we were just living together and he said he didn't want me feeling like that.....we are going on a "date" saturday night. I am so looking forward to that....anyway, thought I would give an update....thanks to everyone that gave me advice!!!

[Trialanderror]

This whole scenario seems to become so common. All these families torn apart by video games and the like. Games are addictive and if you want a change, it has to be dramatic. I have heard all those promises before. Oh, just one more game and sure, I can stop anytime. Yeah, right. And family nights sound like a nice downpayment but the urge of the game addict to get back to the game always wins. It would be tempting to blow up the whole equipment but that will not get the message across. Rather demonstrate what a withdrawn gamer husband does by withdrawing your own input into family life. No laundry, no cooking, no outings, no attention for anyone but the kids and you for a while. Either he wakes up to the feel of losing his family and becomes more involved or it is a lost case. As with all addicts, I find it hard to discuss such matters. They tend to pull their own legs. As for the family night, I too would avoid spending it in another screen night, not even movie theatres. Leave the house. And if you are already into all kinds of sports, do the opposite. Go out to a restaurant, all of you or go hiking and re-discover nature. Anything that makes you communicate. I found that with "my" domestic game addict it temporarily helped to drag him out for a walk. It is amazing what nature can do. The screen zombies wake up when breathing fresh air remembering how long it had been since they last saw a sunset or the beauty of a forest or mountains. But it does not last long. The moment you are home, the box is back on and you are forgotten. Sorry to be so negative but I have come to the conclusion that whoever choses to tune themselves out via TV or online games or Xbox while having a family should rather be alone.