hurt

[alexa90]

Please help me, i am only 20 years old, i have a two year old with my ex boyfriend. He and i were together for almost five years. We were never friends before but just jumped into a relationship. It was very verbally and mentally abusive and became violent a few times. He was always lying and cheating, and wanted to control every aspect of my life. i was very depressed and sad all the time. Although we had some good times, it was mostly bad since the good times were on his terms. As soon as i got pregnant i guess i matured and realized i was in an abusive relationship and wanted to protect my child from it, so i moved out, broke up with him and took him to court for sole custody. I was so certain i did not love or want to be with him and i was finally at a place in my life where i was truly happy. It hurt him when i broke up with him i guess he just didn't think that would ever happen. I guess he did love me in some kind of controlling sick way but i couldn't take it anymore. I became so happy without him until i met his new girlfriend. This is the dilema, i became so jealous and hurt that i thought i wanted him back, so i guess i played head games but he picked her over me. It really hurt, i dont know why i want to go back to something so hurtful. He always compares me to her saying she is so sweet to her and thats why he treats her so well and that im a bad person and im the one who brought out his anger, and im the reason it all went like this. I have never had these hurt feelings before, how do i get over them. What are they because i dont understand why i feel so hurt and jelous and crying all the time. I dont understand and i need help to get through it, how do you get through this and just be happy for them and forget everything they are saying? please help me.

[mami1323]

This is the reason why you broke up with him.  The verbal and mental abuse.  He doesn't and shouldn't have this power over you anymore.  You ended it and allow him to continue to do these things to you.  He's still causing you the same pain he did when you were with him but now you're not with him so you need to be the one to stand up to it.  You had enough strength to walk away, now you have to muster up the same amount of strength to stay away.  His girlfriend will see over time what she's got and you are also taking the word of a man who abused you for years.  His words hold no water sweetie.  Hang in there and keep moving forward.  You will see that a good relationship doesn't include this type of treatment.

[Judy246]

also (sorry, I get more thoughts on the topic)....he is evil, he is playing with you mind. You dumped him and his ego is hurt. He uses this girl to say how good he is doing, but he feels 10 x worse that you dumped him. Don't let him get inside your mind and stay away from him as much as possible. He has the right to see his child, but if it means continued drama in your life, have him pick up the child, but stay away from you and I know this is easier said than done, but he's messing with your mind too...evil.

[Judy246]

p.s. as I tell everyone going through your situation. Write down all the horrible things this man has said and done and everytime you are having a "moment", pull out the list as a reminder of why you left him and why you should not cry of suffer over and abuser.

You loved him, but love shouldn't hurt...keep the list close by you will see how slowly you will get back emotionally on your feet.

[Judy246]

First, I commend you for realizing that this guy is not only a loser, but a walking time bomb and the best thing you did was leave for your safety and the safety of your child.

Read all of the above! Why are you suffering over someone who within a matter of time is going to treat her the way he has treated you. She is in for a rude awakening!!!!

You also have something she doesnt have...his child and you don't think that your not a "threat to her", you are, but this guy is not worth either you, your child or this foolish girl that doesn't realize that she has become his new punching bag.  Dry up the tears, he's not worth it.

[iam1butterfly]

I suspect that this new girlfriend has yet to see his dark side. Anyway, you don't know the full details of their relationship. It may not be a picture perfect as he would want you to think. Appearances of perfection and happiness can be deceiving.
Don't fall for his attempt to lay some kind of "mental trip" on you... he's putting out these silly, meaningless comparisons that are designed to belittle you... and make you feel bad. It is hateful, mean-spirited, manipulative, rotten and is proof that you did right by ending your relationship with him.
You don't have to be happy for them.
Be grateful that you have distanced yourself from this insensitive jerk.
Be glad that you have grown above and risen to a higher level than he could ever hope to. And, refuse to get sucked into his narcissistic foolishness.

[alexa90]

how do i let the hurtful things he says to me not affect me so much?

[kllmfae]

If it helps then I am 99% sure that he will end up treating her exactly as he treated you. Yes this is a normal reaction but you need to keep reminding yourself that you are better then that and that you don't want to put your child in that position. It was a very strong decision to break up with him, so I know you have the strength to live and let live (: you are much better without him