husband's low testosterone

[CAM5212]

Hello, I' ve never used a forum before, but don't want to discuss this with anyone I know.  My husband has had a low sex drive since right after we moved in together (a few months after dating)  He was interested when we were dating, but now that we're married with 3 kids (1 his step-daughter)  he never initiates it, and turns me down most of the time (except maybe once every 1-2 wks).  He says he's always too tired. He even went to strip clubs a few times while we weren't dating (which he is not interested in anymore due to his devotion to me). So, somehow he has lost his drive.   He just got his testosterone checked, and it was 262.  He is 30 and I am 32.  He's in PA school and says that that is low for his age(normal for a 50-60 yr old) and is going back to the Dr. for further testing.  He says it's not me, but I can't help but feel very rejected. He thinks it's a medical reason or just stress (from full time school/money/kids).  I tell him that everyone is stressed, and that he would make time for it if he loved me and was attracted to me.  When he's mad from me complaining he tells me it's my attitude, but then takes it back the next day.  I only have an attitude when he rejects me.  I am not  unattractive to others.  I am craving sexual intimacy.  He says he has no desire for anyone else.  I have researched the reasons for low testosterone, but can't find enough info.   My question is:  if it's not a medical problem for low testosterone, could it be that I somehow turned him off during our marriage, and he's no longer attracted to me?  He says he is, and he's not gay, but wouldn't he want to have sex if he was attracted to me?  After I first told him I loved him, he told me he wasn't sure.  Then he told me he didn't love me and that there were no fireworks. (Although we never lacked sparks and had sex the first night we met (he was my friend's roomate). He said he needed time  I said no and broke up with him.  He came back and said he loved me and didn't mean anything he said, and was just scared.  He is very affectionate and says I love you all of the time now.  But with his lack of desire for me, I can't help but keep reverting back to what he said in the beginning.  Maybe it was true.  He says if that was true, he wouldn't be with me.  I am not self-absorbed, but we are a young attractive couple who no one would believe are having sexual issues.  Sorry about the length.  I've just never talked to anyone about it.
Thank you

[nicky2shoes]

you need to be honest with your husband tell him exactly how you feel,only then will he see how important it is to you and to your marriage. dont scream it inside, tell him! be completely honest.  men will ignore big problems rather than confront them.
the gels are rubbish by the way injections work better but some men will still need an estrogen blocker because taking T can raise estrogen levels to. There needs to be a ratio of testosterone to estrogen for men to get the full benefits. if estrogen levels are to high it doesnt matter how high there T levels go they wont get the benefits. its not such an easy thing to fix having low testosterone, so you need to be patient. its trial and error and having a good doctor.
your husband doesnt need to go in a few times a week either, there are different types of injections used. some once a week some every two or 3 weeks. if your in europe there is one there that you have once every 3 months called nebido. by the way the women that are saying that a level of 200 odd is that off a 60yr old is completely false. the average level for a 85 to 100 yr old is 350 a 60 yr old should still be around 500 so guys who are young with low levels in the 200's must feel awful remember that.

[specialmom]

Gosh, I'd sure like to see that article if you could include that in these thoughts sedwar.  

[sedwar3357]

There was a study done which shows men experience a sharp drop in testosterone immediately when they are married, and their testosterone drops again when they have their first child. Interestingly, men who cheat on their wives maintain their original testosterone levels throughout.

No one knows why this happens. There is some speculation that since testosterone can cause men to be more aggressive, that this might be an evolutionary adaptation to help in raising children. But no one knows for sure.

[Rejected7777]

Thank you so much for posting this.  I am very attractive, worn put and co sider my self a good human being. I had to force my husband to go to the doctor and his T levels were very low so he started the gel. Fast forward 4 months and nothing has changed.  Once again, I am the one that brings this up and suggests that he should go back to the doctor. If he truly cared, why do I have to suggest this to a grown man???  I did read about people's success with the injections and mentioned this to my husband.  He immediately told me that this was not an option as he could never get off his job to go in several times a week.  I am screaming inside saying, you can Not afford to Not have this done. Worn it out. This is a medical condition and he just seems not to care saying that he will keep taking the gel which apparently is NOT working.  I am sick and tire of being sick and tired. I am asking myself, "is this what I signed up for". It it was me, I would not stop until the issue was correct.  Listen, my husband is a good, kind man and I love him. But this is just not working and I can't see going another year or few months like this. This is so painful. I feel unwanted, sad and just over it.  Why should I try and keep brining up the subject, if he clearly thinks its no big deal. I mean, he peps up when he's playing fantasy football. I can count the number of times on my hand that I've had sex in the last two years o. One hand.  I am just tired. Life is too short to deal with this ****!

[ILMB5555]

One other thing to seriously consider and remember low t can be connected to prostate cancer and heart disease. So make sure those are checked as well as his testosterone levels. Very important it affects so much of a mans health. I wish you all the luck and health.

[ILMB5555]

I have been going through this with my husband. You have to trust what your husband is telling you. My husband had open heart surgery and his levels dropped drastically. He told me he was also tired stressed etc which was true due to low T. He also said he would think of me in provocative ways and nothing would happen which was very upsetting to him. He was embarrassed to tell me that at first. Once he went to doctors and started treatment not only did his libido return but his energy and mood seemed to stabilize. Now when he thinks of me he can perform. He also feels much closer to me because I was supportive and put my issues of hurt aside to help him. Now not only has out sex life improved but so as the normal intimacy. Hang in there font put this on yourself as something wrong with you and help and support him in getting treatment, treatment will change both your lives for the better. Good luck