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1897345 tn?1374265855

i need adivce on my anger

my whole life i've had problems with anger the smallest things would set me off! well since i got married at 18 (big mistake) it hasn't been so bad i've noticed things that normal ruin my whole day i just let got I'm now 19 5 months into our marriage we hit a rough patch and split up i while we were seperated my husband had a girl friend i had nothing but an empty feeling in me so when he was begging me to come back to him i was glad i went back but now i am angry all the time at him and my dogs they act like a dog and i want to get rid of them and him i can't even stand to hear his voice with out want to tell him to shut the heck up he is a big nerd plays games all the time and never spends time and when we split up i brought that up and he said its because i'm a B word and that i made him play those games so he wouldn't go crazy and hurt me well now i dnt want to spend time when him i dnt even want to sleep in the same room as him i hate touching him out talking to him because i feel like he does listen to me he talks to me like i'm his daughter and it is so embarrassing because he does it all the time and in front of his family i brought it up to him and he said well stop acting like a child i'll quit treating you like one he never listens to me and never helps me with any problems i'll spill my heart out to him and he'll either say idk what to tell you or give me an alternative to the problem that won't salve it or work for me its like he doesn't even know me and i have dreams about leaving him just to hurt him because i want him to know the pain i felt he thru me aside like a chewed up bone and found another woman (never did anything other then kiss) and at the time she was more important idk if i'll ever forgive him for hurting me the way he did when he felt nothing he said he felt pain that i was slowly driving him crazy well this time the tables have turned he is driving me crazy and mad i'm always angry always never do i smile and bring that up all the time he said you dnt smile any more your not the same girl i married your mean and sad and you want to be alone all the time you use to talk all the time and now i have to beg you to talk and i remember once upon a time that was me saying that to him i just feel so much hurt that he won't ever understand and i think that i might need to go ahead and just pack up my stuff and disappear from his life and my family's life because they all make me unhappy i haven't been happy in a long time and i don't know what to do some time i think that faking my own death and moving to another country would be the best thing for me because they won't look for me what should i do to get rid of this anger and hurt inside of me because i never use to be like this i use to be happy and smiling all the time and proud and now i'm the opposite of those things i'm not myself anymore
22 Responses
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Sounds like you are on the right track dear.  good luck with working through this. peace
Helpful - 0
1897345 tn?1374265855
well I have said that i have given up on trying to have a baby simply because for a year now my husband and i have been trying and it just doesn't work so i simply excepted the fact that i cant have kids or wasn't meant to i have plenty of other things on my plate to worry about and bringing a child into that isn't an ideal thing! thank y'all for worrying but don't worry i'm not stupid i wouldn't ever do that to a child i had to grow up with it i wouldn't want my kids to grow up with it i do not want to be a bad mom and there for i will not have a kid until everything it better how ever the Anger is no longer a big issue any more yes i still get overly upset about stupid stuff like when a can opener doesn't open but that's something i have to work on my husband and i have talked it out and instead of arguing we talk ^^

It all got better now that well (Aunt Flow came to town) it was the first normal one i have had in a year so i'm happy and relieved about that but is my husband and i still trying to have a child HECK NO!!! i have way to much to worry about and i don't want to add a kid into that plus my husband and my relationship is still VERY ROCKY since everything happened
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Avatar universal
Agree with SM and NG.

All the best.
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480448 tn?1426948538
SM nailed it.  No one would recommend just taking meds to address anger, but if the anger was a symptom of an underlying condition, then, that's a different story.

The decision to take meds or not for things like depression or anxiety is always a personal one for each person.  Personally, having panic disorder, I can say that meds have given me my life back on more than one occasion, they didn't "harm" me in any way.

It's not a bad idea if you continue to feel frustrated and angry to maybe speak to a psychiatrist to determine if maybe there is something more to it.  If that IS the case, you could always address it with therapy and other treatment modalities.  You wouldn't have to agree to taking medication, as it isn't for everyone.  There are many approaches to treating those kinds of conditions.  Just some food for thought.
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, taking medication is certainly your choice and obviously unless you are suffering from something the medication can help with, there wouldn't be any reason to take it anyway.  Just anger doesn't get medicated.  If you were depressed or anxious or bipolar or something like that and the anger was a symptom of it, then medication would probably be part of what a doctor would offer you to treat the disorder.  Under those circumstances, you can decide what to do at that time -----  if it ever came about.  But I just didn't want you to think that your boyfriend's cousin was what it was like to take medication or that she had typical depression.  That's all.  good luck
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480448 tn?1426948538
http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Fertility---Infertility---IVF/OMFG-WHAT-THE-HECK-/show/1781758#post_8197452

Your post above shows that your were having sex while ovulating, plus, it was posted in a "Fertility" community.  What other conclusion would you think people would come to?  Honestly?

It's very common for us to review a poster's other posts, to get a better picture of that person.  That's where the info came from, and while you didn't specifically mention anything about that in THIS thread, it was worth mentioning, as obviously, with your very clear anger issues still unresolved, it WOULDN'T make sense for you to start a family.  It's a very reasonable suggestion, and actually was meant to be helpful to you.  Adding the insane amount of stress a baby brings with him/her would exacerbate your anger issues, trust me.

When you put yourself "out there" on a public forum, you have to expect a variety of answers, and even some things you don't really want to hear.  You cannot dictate what other people can and can NOT talk about.

When I ask for advice, here's how I handle the answers.  I take to heart what info is helpful and sensible, and I'm thankful other people took time out of their day to help me.  Anything I find not helpful, or not applicable, I just disregard it, but at the same time, I am very honest with myself.  I ask myself if i'm pitching that advice because it's something I didn't want to hear...or because it TRULY didn't apply in my situation?  Hopefully that makes sense and will help you.

Take care!
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi.  Sometimes people look back at previous posts to get a better understanding of someones situation.  It isn't meant to be hurtful or upset you but rather to help.  I would try to look at it that way.

I saw that you didn't say anything about that and I gave you advice on  your anger management.  Hopefully you can read that and it will help you.  

good luck
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1897345 tn?1374265855
id also like to throw this out there about the med taking I have enough problems with my body i don't want to take meds for something mental and have it mess me up completely i do not want to rely on drugs to make me feel better if that's all dr are going to do why not make Pot legal rather smoke that then take drugs (not saying i smoke pot or do anything) but i am saying that drugs dr prescribe you are more harmful to ur body then weed and i'm not ganna take meds with side effects and with my body being messed up as it is I'm sick enough i dnt need to get any sicker (just for future reference i'm not mad about the previous post just think its dumb when i said nothing about it and if you read my old post one says that i stopped trying to have a baby)  and Specialmom Thank you your post was the most helpful post i have read on here ^^ i will take that into consideration
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1897345 tn?1374265855
OK 1st of where do you guys get that we are trying to conceive still?! i'm really tired of posting on here and you guys are worrying about a topic that wasn't even brought up there is no child involved and there wont be... so idk where you get that from i really think when i ask a a question you should answer my questions not ask me more did i say anything about having a kid no some of you really helps but some of you with the hole oh please tell me you aren't think of bringing a child into this shut up i'm sorry for being rude and all but really you irritate me with that i didn't say anything about a baby and i'm not stupid why would i ever do that to a child i need advice on why i'm angry why i feel the way i do when i've never been this way before not advice on how to control it i know how its just i want to know why now do i have to control it when it never use to be like this so for future advice if you plan on answering a question answer the question don't ask more! and do not read between the lines there is nothing there to read again i said nothing about a darn baby!
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hi there,  Well, while I don't think those with anger issues always need pills and have no idea if you have underlying depression/anxiety and that is the root cause of your angry outbursts-----------  I do want to clear this up.  You have a misconception about medication hon.  One person you speak of, your cousin, is not a representation of all patients, is she?  She has much going on it sounds like.  

Medication for depression, or antidepressents often have benign side effects or rather side effects that one doesn't really notice and doesn't hinder someone in any way.  Hallucinating when off pills and a zombie when she is---  not really typical and would indicate, if accurate that she has schizophrenia or something rather serious involving psychosis.  Most feel better when on medication, feel the symptoms of their depression/anxiety (or whatever condition they have) lesson or disappear completely, and most find it worth it to take their medication.  

If you do feel you are depressed/anxious, you'd be like 1 in 4 adults in America as that is how many people take antidepressants.  One in Four.  

So, Im not suggesting that you need medication but do want you to realize that you are not comparing apples to apples with your cousin verses someone that has mild depression.  So, want to make that clear to you in case some day in your life, someone tells you that you may need to see a doctor for depression.  I didn't say that here but did want to clear up your misconception/misinformation.  good luck
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1897345 tn?1374265855
1st off i will not take MEDS my husbands cousin has mental problems and thinks i'm the virgin mary and my husband is Jesus and he had sex with her and got her pregnant with 6000 babies this is what she thinks when she isnt on the pills when she is she is a walking zombie she is dead to the world... i don't want to be like that  
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973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Well, I appreciate your honesty.  Lots of people do find that they have explosive anger.  Sure mental health issues can be involved but sometimes it is just plain old self control issues and habit.  Some people never learned the proper way to express anger when young.  Then as adults, they have the adult version of a tantrum just like a child.  Kids also blow up and over react or get physical and they get sent into time out or lose privilages.  

I would say that working on a way to control yourself is a good place to start.  You CAN do it.  The first thing to do is to recognize known triggers.  Things that set you or your partner off every time are to be discussed and worked on NOT when you are mad but during good moments when you are calm and rational.  Proactively discuss these things that are constant sources of irritation.  Take ownership of what you need to change with them and your partner should do the same and make a valid effort to 'fix' issues.  Often we blow up over something little when something larger is under the surface and really to blame.  Easier to get mad at tiny stuff than to deal with the real underlying issues.  But it has to be dealt with, so dig deep and be honest.  And go to work.

Now once you have an idea of triggers and are working on it, you'll make progress.  

so then you look for signs within yourself that you are 'starting' to get angry.  When you feel your blood begin to boil, if you are already edgy and they are just getting to you, if you start to tense, if your heart starts pounding, if you begin to get louder.  Look for these very early signs of anger begining.  It doesn't go from 0 to 10 usually----  and if it does, you must actively slow down the process of anger.  Then as you feel it starting----  have a plan.  This plan can be told to your partner.  If they are volatile too, they can do the same thing.  And each of you respect that the other is working hard to control themselves.  Things you can do to calm a situation down, take a few really deep breaths and say you'll be right back and go by yourself out of the room.  Exit.  Get away.  Give yourself a cool off time.  During that time you can have a journal that you write all that anger into (that you do not need to ever show your partner, just for you to get it out), go for a walk, punch a pillow, do some meditation, pray, do some push ups (calming to the nervous system), etc.  Have 'go to' activities to calm yourself.  And you may not enter into dialogue with your partner until you are calm.  Your partner must leave you alone while you are self calming.  You do the same for your partner.

This is a basic anger management technique.

If you feel that your anger is a symptom of something like clinical anxiety, then it is essential to treat.  Medication is just one part of treating any mental health issue though.  

lots of luck
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Avatar universal
You need the right meds or the situation could get really bad.
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Avatar universal
First thing you need to do is see a doctor about the anger issue. There is help out there and the right med would go a far piece in helping you. Secondly, you need not be making ANY life altering decisions until you get this help for your anger issues. Anger is a symptom sometimes of an underlying mental disorder like Bipolarism. Put everything else on hold until you see a doctor. Once that is taken care of, you will be able to see more clearly exactly what your other issues are and what steps you need to take to solve them. By all means do not get pregnant, that will only create more problems right now.
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Avatar universal
I have briefly skimmed over your other posts and they are just as concering as this one.

Please seek therapy for this anger as you have been seething from anger way too long and sounds like it all started as a young child involving your mother.  

It would not be prudent to bring a baby into your life while you are in anger mode.  Not safe of healthy in any way for a baby.  
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Avatar universal
PLEASE, You need to quit trying to conceive!!  A Baby doesn't need a Mommy and Daddy who have these unresolved issues with One Another!!

AND

a Baby doesn't need an angry Mommy!!!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Sounds like these marital problems intensified this anger issue you had already.  Plus, you feel he doesn't respect you or value you especially after he went and got this gf when you both were separated.  Frankly, it sounds like you both don't know how to treat each other.  

Well, even if he doesn't want to go to for couples' therapy/marriage counseling there is NO doubt you need to be going to therapy ALONE to sort this anger issue out; it is affecting your life in such a negative manner.  

I am not sure if your marriage will or will not survive.....in my opinion sounds like it won't and probably shouldn't.  

You need to get a handle on your issues.....that should be your MAIN focus.  
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480448 tn?1426948538
Hon....just a suggestion....your posts are SOOO hard to read due to the format.  Are you typing from a cell phone perhaps?  If you could...could you add punctuation and perhaps some paragraph breaks?

I just can't make sense of it, it's just so jumbled together.
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1897345 tn?1374265855
i've suggested all of that to him but no he doesn't want to hear it i haven't ever been this bad before in my life its like i'm PMSing and it wont stop and it all started when we got back together before we split up i was a very calm happy funny easy go lucky kinda person and then he ripped my heart into a million peaces said i wasn't good enough for him kicked me out of my own house left bruises on my body and said to every one he did it because i was attacking him punching him in the mouth and it was the other way around i use to be happy and fun to be around and now my dogs don;t even want to be around me he makes me feel like its my fault why we slip in the first place when i did everything he wanted me to do so yes all this anger i have and hurt i have is because of him and he wants to pretend nothing never happened and its all ok when it isnt and he won't help me!
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1897345 tn?1374265855
my whole life I've had problems with anger.  The smallest things would set me off!
Well since i got married which was at 18 (big mistake) it hasn't been so bad.  I've noticed things that normally ruined my whole day i just let it go. I'm now 19 and 5 months into our marriage my husband and i  hit a rough patch and split up.   while we were separated my husband had a girlfriend he was going out having fun while i was at home with nothing but an empty feeling in me. so when he was begging me to come back to him i was glad to go back but now i'm angry all the time.  at him and my dogs. they act like a dog and i want to get rid of them. My husband i can't even stand to hear his voice with out want to tell him to shut the heck up. he is a big nerd plays games all the time and never spends time with me and when we were going thru out problems i brought that up to him (how he would rather play video game rather then even look at his own wife)  and he said its because I'm a B word and that i made him play those games so he wouldn't go crazy.  we are back together and now i don't want to spend time with him i don't even want to sleep in the same room as him.  i hate touching him or talking to him because i feel like he doesn't listen to me.  He talks to me like I'm a child and it is so embarrassing because he does it all the time and in front of his family i brought that up to him and he said "well stop acting like a child and I'll quit treating you like one!"  he never listens to me and never helps me with any problems. I'll spill my heart out to him and he'll either say is "idk what to tell you" or give me a solution to the problem that won't work or won't even be a good way to go about it or just won't be how i would do things like ( going and asking him for advice from him is like trying to get advice from a monkey but i would get further with a monkey. (but when it comes to a friend and they have a problem he gives them advice and attention i want...)   its like he doesn't even know me or even wants me around (but he says he loves me) the other night i had a dream about leaving him just to hurt him because i want him to know the pain i felt. when he thru me aside like a chewed up bone and found another woman (never did anything other then kiss) idk if i'll ever forgive him for hurting me the way he did when he felt nothing but pain and i was slowly driving him crazy.  well this time the tables have turned he is driving me crazy and mad.  i'm always angry always, I never  smile and my husband brings that up all the time he says
"you dnt smile any more, your not the same girl i married, your mean and sad and you want to be alone all the time, you use to talk all the time and now i have to beg you to talk to me!"  and i remember once upon a time when i was saying that to him.  i just feel so much hurt and he won't ever understand and i think that i might need to go ahead and just pack up my stuff and disappear from his life and my family's life because they all make me unhappy.  i haven't been happy in a long time and i don't know what to do sometimes i think that faking my own death and moving to another country would be the best thing for me because they won't look for me. what should i do to get rid of this anger and hurt inside of me because i never use to be like this i use to be happy and smiling all the time and proud and now i'm the opposite of those things i'm not myself anymore

and i don't have the money to talk to a therapist and my husband won't support me in that plus i'm so tried of talking about this that i can not find the energy to talk about it anymore like im fine with writing it out but talking about it i get tired to even think of it and i just don't wanna do it and sorry about the confusion i was crying when i was writing this one more thing i'd like to add is my husband will let me throw fits when i'm mad but he never talks to me about it never helps me thru it never did and he just says your attitude better change or i'm leaving...
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Avatar universal
And you are only 19 going through all this?  

Have you ever tried to seek therapy for your anger issues?  

What's the deal with your family?

Not to be rude but perhaps your anger issues drove your husband away and is keeping your marriage from being a HEALTHY situation?

Please tell me there aren't any children involved?  If there isn't I would recommend keeping it that way until you get a handle on your anger issues.

Has marriage counseling ever been considered?  That is the ONLY hope I see for this marriage.  
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Avatar universal
I wish I had something to offer but this was very jumbled and I don't quite understand Your issue or Your problem.  Could You clarify a bit more?
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