how can i get him to be intimate again?

[laroo18]

I am 5 months pregnant and throughout the entire pregnancy I think my boyfriend and I have been intimate about 5 times. Before we were ttc we were intimate everyday maybe a couple times a day if we were lucky and had the chance (we also have a 5 year old).

I have expressed my anger about it to him, I have shown my sadness about it, I have tried doing all the housework so he doesn't have to do it, I have let him sleep in AND take naps, I have cooked him his favorite meals, I have tried putting myself together (dress and makeup), u name it I've tried it. I have even simply talked to him calmly about how important it is to me and how it makes me feel (unwanted, unattractive, unloved). Still he doesn't have much of a response to all that and always makes excuses of time and tiredness no matter what. I don't bug him about it either except maybe once a week when I ask him if we can be intimate that night and he turns me down always.

A few days ago he finally agreed to at least just please me. I was excited and anxious all night. Then he got home, and he never initiated anything! I was beyond annoyed and he knows I still am yet doesn't care to fix it. What else can I do??

[laroo18]

Thank you, this does help and reminds me to keep trying things over again. All the things u suggested, yes I have tried. Before pregnancy we were always intimate and he has stated that it is a bit weird for him since I am pregnant. However I find that hard to believe because he hasn't expressed true concern about that, ita more "im tired" and "tomorrow...tomorrow...tomorrow...etc...etc".

In explaining to him how I feel about all this I have gone to a deeper level and said that its more than just pleasure. Ive explained to him that being intimate is important to me so we can be closer and share that bond.

Another thing, the 5 times we have been intimate during these 5 months has been because of me initiating and practically forcing him. He claims there is nothing wrong except he never wants me to bug him about doing it so I don't try to force him anymore so as not to bug him.

I'm so torn and as each day passes I get more and more upset about it. My needs aren't being met and I feel undesirable more than anything. I fear that the only thing left to do is be patient until the end of the pregnancy in hopes our intimacy will return back to normal

[thatquietgirl]

Have you tried initiating it?  He agreed that one night, yes?  You mention HE did not initiate anything, but did you try beyond asking?  Perhaps he is of the mindset that if you want it, you need to initiate it.

How was he during your prior pregnancy?  Did you guys frequently have sex?  Or was it just as infrequent (at least in comparison to the normal before it)?  Even if he was frequently intimate with you during your first pregnancy, something in the way he views the prospect of intimacy during pregnancy may have changed.  Some guys can be a little weirded out by it, and that feeling could have somehow come to the forefront of his mind during this pregnancy.

How is the relationship otherwise?  Perhaps to you it seems like it is good outside of that, but maybe he has some issues he has yet to bring up.  Have you tried giving him a forum to air and discuss any he might have in an non-accusational way?  Have you tried to ask him why he does not want to be intimate so you can work through whatever issue he may have?

It's good you are not afraid to voice what you need to your boyfriend, and while I think it is rather strange he will not see to it that he meets your needs, I think there might be something deeper.  Try sitting down with him in a non-confrontational way or going for a walk or something and letting him know you love him and want to share that bond you feel physical intimacy brought to your relationship but have noticed he doesn't seem interested.  Ask him if there is anything you are doing or not doing that might help.  Ask him if there is anything bothering him in the relationship you need to work on together or if anything is bothering him in his life.  And listen.  Don't get defensive.  Don't try to interject unless he seems to want advice.  Just listen.

I know you've tried everything to make him feel like you care in hopes of getting what you want in return, but sometimes in doing so, it can come across as you are doing them with an ulterior motive rather than for the other person.

I wish you luck!