Thanks for all the advice yall....it does make me feel a little better... I think I can handle it for now because the phone calls have lessened we do normally hangout on saturdays because he typically calls but we don't normally talk durring the week now..... if this does return to how it used to be however I feel I will have no chocie but to sever the friendship so im hoping it doesn't.I was at the end of my rope with the whole feelings thing and whatknot but my friend met his new girlfriend her name is carmen....she is 25 amiable innocent and carries herself well but sice but she has never worked or driven a car and she was a vigin when they met....so sometimes her expectations are a bit high in terms of she wants him to go out and drive her places alot like to clubs or concerts and things along those lines and it winds up costing alot in drinks gas and food. I don't think she relaises this because she is so sheltered. However me and my best friend are thinking this will change soon because she is graduating college by the end of this year (I do think she is a good thing for him becasue I feel its raised his confidence)...but he says he doesn't love her the same as he would me or his previous girlfriend I think its because he sometimes feels he can't relate to her....(I often feel the same way around her to be honest) he thinks these feelings will change with time....I'm not as certian they will last in a long term commited relationship if he feels he is unfufilled
I don't tell him this tho because, well this is the
type of thing a person normally figures out with real world experience.....I don't typically mention boyfirneds as much.. I think I used to mention them alot more because we met as teenagers (relationships can often seem like a novelty at that age) but we are now becomming adults...
Awwwwww Mami, thanks, "Sisterhood in advice"!!!! Thanks and haved a great weekend all...Judy
I read your post very carefully, I really do not think that you and he can have a freindship, as he will want more, no matter what you say, and he will hang around hoping, and it would not be fair to either of you, so i may sound harsh, but it is time to let him go luck jo
it's clear that your friend loves you, and wants more as you well know. Also don't feel bad, you can't help who you are attracted to and who you have feelings for, like mami said. I also agree that you need to slow down the contact with him. Don't bring up your boyfriend as it obviously hurts him and don't tell him everything about your life. Tell your boyfriend your thoughts and feelings as he should be the one you are turning to the most, not your friend. In time once the contact between you and your friend is lessened, he will start to heal and move on. You may have to end up stopping contact all together so that he can basically get over you.
You are not helping the situation by being in constant contact with him and telling him all the details of your dating life. You need to be his friend and help him get over you, and the most likely way to do that is to let him live his life without you, or with less of you. Focus on the relationship you're in now and let him do the same. Hopefully it'll work out for both of you.
Judy is so good :), I couldn't say it any better. I will add though. Don't feel upset or sad that you aren't attracted to him. You can't help who you are drawn to and you're right, if you're not physically attracted to him, it won't work. I want to reiterate what Judy said about his current relationship, don't get involved. If things don't work out between the two of them then you don't want to be the reason it didn't. Let them see on their own that it's not going to work. I had a friend who was very in love with me. I loved hanging out with him, we had the same personality, we made each other laugh, we liked spending time together but no matter what, it always got difficult because he wanted to be with me as more and always pressured me to give him a chance. Every time we hung out we ended up in an argument and I always felt bad. So I would suggest not spending as much time together and he would get upset and tell me that he will leave it alone but it still always got to the same place. The night I met my fiance I was with my guy friend and it led into some big fight and eventually I had no choice but to distance myself from my guy friend because I could tell I was hurting him. I felt bad talking to him about my new bf and just knew that we would never be close the way we used to be again. It was hard but I knew for both of our sakes, it had to be done. So I stopped calling him or hanging out with him alone and eventually he moved on. He found a girlfriend and now they are married with a new baby. So your friend will eventually move on as well but I feel it's going to happen more so if you separate yourself from him for awhile. It doesn't have to be completely, but gradually pull away. I know you will feel sad because he is a good friend but the friendship has already changed. He's not the same, it's not the same. Hopefully over time, he will find someone he truly cares for or his feelings for you will dwindle and disappear and he will be able to have that friendship with you without having the desire to want a romantic relationship. At first he's going to be sad and wonder why you are pulling away, just be honest with him. Tell him you feel it's best right now that you take some time apart to focus on your relationships. That you love him dearly and will miss him but he wants more from you and you can't give him what he wants. He will deny it of course but you tell him that you can feel the difference and miss your friendship the way it was before. Tell him you hope to one day get to that place again and you are here if he ever needs you but you need some time. I think it's for the best of the both of you. If he's a great friend like you say he is, you won't lose him forever. Good luck.
Sorry, me & my typos' "After carefully reading your post, it's a relationship that could have turned into a relationship easily.....you don't share the SAME feelings".
Hi Alexis....wow this is the longest post I've ever read here! After read your post, this is a friendship that could have turned into a relationship easily, BUT it's obvious that you don't share the safe feelings as your friends. He is obviously in love with you and want's more. The best relationships begin as friends, where you get to know each other and then get use to being around each other and so forth.
It's really important to communicate effectively with him in a way where you are going to get your message across, maintain the friendship that you value and trust and keep him as a good friend that you appreciate and value him soley as a good friend and do not send any type of mix single that may lead him to believe that their might be hope for a relationship. I also recommend that you stay out of his new relationship and let him find out for himself if this girl is good for him or not. You both are spending way too much time in each other's personal and has resulted in great friendship, mix signals, way too much time in each other lives and make sure not to get involved in each other's new relationships. Good luck...Judy