leave or stay?

[lovelynea]

I've been with my bf for 9 months now, and for a couple months now it seemed he stopped doing what it took to get me. We've been through a lot, he obviously feels like I lock him down and don't let him do anything. Sometimes he goes behind my back and goes out and lies about coming home on time when I literally wait for couple hours for him to come home. We argued about this and he told me that he never can do anything and he never asked me if he could go out because he knows I'm gonna say no. I'm trying to keep him from hanging around the wrong people cuz it always ends up theirs a fight. I give so much to him and I feel unappreciated, so I end up giving even more. But then I just keep getting hurt in the end. I love him but I don't love the things he does. I wanted to leave him many times but I find myself running back to him even though he treats me the way he does. Now I'm starting to question myself maybe I just want to be with him to have company by my side and someone there when really I can't count on him. What is your opinion? Leave or stay and still try to work things out?

[lovelynea]

Sorry for the late post ladies.
So heres a update to my status of today!
So right when i had the courage to up and i leave. I find out im pregnant. I work in a OB GYN office and for some reason that day(dec 26) i decided to take a pregnancy test just because. So i took one and it came out positive but i was like this has to be wrong so i took another one and of course yes it did come out positive. A thousand thoughts ran through my head like is this really happening, and why me i have been so good. Told the Drs about it and they gave me advice. Later that day i told him. He didnt say much and said you dont look to happy about it, do you want to get a abortion >_< i was like of all things you could have said he said that. Later that nite he went to drink with his friends never came home till 12am. I cried because i felt lilke he really doesnt give a damn and just felt worthless...
Friday Jan 4 he decides to go to a bar after i was done with work. So i was like yea thats fine its only going to be a couple of hours. No it was more than a couple it was almost 5 so i called. I said what time are you coming home he ignored the question and asked where i was. So i told him at home been waiting for you then he ends the conversation with ttyl i love you and hung up. I called him thought to myslef hes so disrespectful and has no care for me and the baby. I never heard from him untill last nite asking "why i toolk all my stuff and if we were over?" then texted me again "if i wanted the rest of my stuffs or hes gonna dump it." I was like wow. I wasted 9 months of my life with this guy, gave him more than what i could offer and i just get a hurt in the end. Mind you i havent texted him back or talk to him since that nite i left.
Staying strong and keeping busy.......


Thank you all for your responses its nice to hear theirs ppl out there that i dont know who would take the time to respond back.  
HAPPY NEW YEARS BTW!!!!!!!

[Hobby10]

Drop the zero get yourself a hero girl.  There is always another train coming. Lot of people in the world.....look around start again

[RainLover71]

This relationship has no future--he has no respect for you--he has to go.

[Londres70]

"Now I'm starting to question myself maybe I just want to be with him to have company by my side and someone there when really I can't count on him. What is your opinion?"........company?  This is NO company.  In fact, you really have no one there.  He's just some "warm body" zapping all the life out of you with this nonsense of his.  

Calling you "hoe" and physically threatening you?  I am sure this ISN'T the "company" you had in mind.  

DUMP HIM.  Two doctors have confimed this relationship is NOT healthy and I think the majority of us posting are too.  This reeks of codependency.

I am SO sure you can do better.

[TTinKKerBBell]

and You love Him why...........??

[Nighthawk61]

Wow, this really is an unhealthy relationship in all aspects., calling you a hoe, threatening to have you beat up, not having to do anything to make you happy, no dates, no going out.  It truly does sound like you're settling for a warm body, and since you asked, Yes, I honestly think you should leave immediately and not waste another moment on this loser. It sounds like you have a good job, so you should be able to do it. Please keep us up to date about how you're handling your situation. You're not alone. Many women have been in your exact position, only to go on to much better men in their lives. So have no fear, when one door closes, another opens. It certainly can't happen while you're wasting your time with this idiot. God Bless you and thanks for posting.

[specialmom]

Hi, well.  You lost me when you say he would shove you, call you names like ho, and "have his baby mama" come and beat you up.  Dump him.  He's not worth your time.

I'd never put up with a man treating me like that.  Lay a finger on me, I'm out the door.  A baby mama is drama and if she's knocking on my door to harm me physically, I'm calling the police.

Dump him and choose better next time.  good luck

[Life360_Dave]

Sometimes people speak out of anger. We are only human. No matter who you are with there will be issue for sure, even all the things he said to you. Lets face it, you are two completly different people with different backgrounds who are trying to mesh as one and it is expected that all kinds of things will come up. He is trying to get his opinion in with you. You mention all the things your trying to change in him but  you loved him knowing he is this way and if you did not know this then i would leave.

[specialmom]

Hi there and welcome to the forum.  Well, I feel your pain.  I went out with my now husband for 3 years before we married and lived together.  We weren't young, both in our 30's at that point.  He was used to living his life and I mine.  I had trouble falling asleep when he went out late, sometimes questioned some of the guys he hung around with (single guys who were on the hung and liked to party), etc.  

It was a balancing act for me to discuss these things with him without nagging or sounding like his mother.  I certainly didn't want to do that and he became defensive if I did.  What I said about going out late is that it was hard for me to sleep until after he got home.  So, if he came in after midnight, it was a really late night for us both.  And that while I trusted him completely, bars and such were the place where a lot of temptation happens and even if he never does a thing, being out late at a bar that has singles picking folks up gives people the wrong idea about his commitment to me.  I am really independent so don't mind my husband having a social life and going out with buddies.  But if it were every night---  wouldn't like that.  I'd figure out what I could live with---  once a week was fine with me---  and let him know.  Not in a "you are allowed to go out once a week" type of way but in that I never complained when he did go out once a week.  If he made it more---  sometimes that was fine and other times I'd say "well, I was hoping we could do X" that night."  

If our boyfriend is in a different place than you maturity wise and loves the party life, then this may not be a good match.  OR if you are a home person and he is an out person, then there would be compatibility issues to consider.

And if you are feeling he doesn't care for you, that is a problem.  I never felt that way even though my husband did have lots of friends and went out with them.  I always knew I was number one.  So, if that is an issue, the foundation of the relationship may not be what it should be.  

PS:  my husband gave up all his going out except for a guys weekend once or twice a year after we had kids.  He's a family guy at heart.  good luck

[lovelynea]

I always do whatever of takes to make him happy even if it leaves me unhappy. He even told me he doesn't need to take me on dates, or even surprise me or do what I like to do without grumbling. So now I don't ask for much. Everytime we get into a argument I always have to mend things back together because I love him so much that I'd want us to be us. I talk to 2 drs I work for and they told me my relationship is unhealthy and I do way too much for him. Couple months ago he used to verbally and shove me and call me names like hoe and threatening me that he ll have his baby mama come beat me up when he did wrong. Its gotten better but it just seems he's taking advantage of me.

[Life360_Dave]

Hi Love, your first statement is full of a lot of questions about your relationship. You mention "he stopped doing what it took to get me". Did you stop doing what it took to get him? Also what exactly was he going to get with you? Maybe just sex!
Also maybe he feels you dont appreciate him either. Relationshps are a 2 way street and unless they are going in the same direction, they will end up at different places.
Also with true love to me, people act themselves in the begining and the more they are them selves the more real they are to eachother.

To stay or leave, well to leave someone who is not doing what we want, the same thing will happen with the next person and you will be leaving people for the next 20 years if you dont figure it out with him.