my boyfriend sleeps in his daughters room

[stefstar17]

I have been dating my boyfriend for 9 months. He has an 8 year old daughter whom he has every weekend and i have an 8 year old daughter who lives with me full time.
When she is over on the weekends, he sleeps in her room, because she will have a fit when he has suggested she start being a big girl and sleeping on her own. They have been co-sleeping since she was a baby.He never realized it was a problem until i entered his life. My daughter has always slept on her own, so i don't get it. I asked her why she couldnt at least try to sleep by herself and she said every time she closes her eyes she just wants to cry...wow...but gives no reasons or clues as to what her fears are. During the day she searches for him constantly, needing constant entertainment, attention. He helps her to shower, to get dressed and sometimes they hang out chichatting in the washroom while one of them is using the toilet.I have expressed my concerns often but nothing is changing. He has stated that he will sleep with her until she no longer needs him to. Sometimes he will lay with her until she falls asleep then come and watch a movie with me in hopes of "getting some" from me. A couple of times we were intimate and right after he marched upstairs to go sleep in the kids room. It makes me feel weird and its affecting our relationship. I assure you i am not jealous. I am a very independent woman. This situation is really bothering me and im just curious if im overreacting. Thoughts?

[TTinKKerBBell]

I see nothing but trouble in Your future with this - You have

"expressed Your concerns O F T E N but nothing is changing"

So, there lies Your answer - accept things the way they are or leave it.  Don't make Him, the Daughter or YourSelf miserable by trying to "change" it.  

I'm not saying They are right or wrong but it IS Their style and You're as likely to change it as He would be to change YOUR parenting style.

GoodLuck

[Londres70]

Well.........this has to do with parenting styles.  You have only been dating him for 9 months and the relationship is too new to be giving your input about his parenting skills.  I would say this child has been through a lot already, i.e. parents aren't together, and that would explain her behavior.  Remember, she is only 8 years old.

"I have expressed my concerns often but nothing is changing. He has stated that he will sleep with her until she no longer needs him to."......He has already told you how things are going to be, so.......your choices are either stay and deal or leave and not deal.  There aren't going to be any changes UNLESS you leave.

If it is bothering you this much then you need to reevaluate the relationship to see if all this is worth you staying.  

You haven't been in his life or his daughter's life that long to be asking for this to change.  I really can't see why it should change.  

[Chima7]

You aren't going to be able to change how he interacts with his daughter because they've already had 8 years of this kind of relationship before you ever came along and they're not just going to change for you. But if you have any kids with him, then you're going to have to figure out how to raise that kid in a way that reflects both of you.

It's pretty clear that his parenting is very different from yours, which can become a huge issue when you try to blend families. I don't know what your intentions are with him long term but, if you plan on getting married at some point, then you're going to need to get on the same page first. Otherwise be prepared for lots of fights and lots of problems in your future.