Aa
relationship over with small child involved...
most of you know me from previous posts. i was with a guy for 10 mths and he was rather possesive and showing signs of possible abuse. we ended the relationship on sep 8th. today is his birthday. i did my best to end this as painlessly and quickly as possible. and since i'm not heartless i did text him saying hey happy birthday. that's it. he on the other hand has yet to stop trying to talk to me. i'm thinking maybe i should change my number. and another thing. since he told me afterwards that our realtionship wasn't all that i'm ready to start casually dating. nothing serious. just kind of playing the field. i have a myspace and well i don't want to block him but i know, from how he acted when we were together, that if he saw that i even talked to somebody else he would start trouble. start sending them messages and stuff. for those that don't have a myspace. right now it's set to public. there is a couple of things i could do such as hide my friends and comments and he would still not be blocked from it. i could set it to private and delete him from my friends then he can't see it. or i can leave him my friend and leave my profile as it where you can see my friends and comments and leave it at that. just asking what ya'll think?
last thing most important though.... the day me and my ex met i was at his next door neighbors house and this little girl came from my ex's house to talk with us and she was 3 at the time she just made 4. later i found out that she is my ex's godchild. i really care about this little girl. she is such a sweetheart and she took to me rather well. almost everytime i went to his house she was there. i took to her b/c she really only wants attention. the other two siblings are like 1 and the other was just born so she can't do too much with them. i read to her colored with her caught dragonflies swung her on a swing. she showed me EVERYTHING she thought was cool. when she'd ask my ex he'd tell her to calm down, be quiet, he's busy. (that's how i came to the conclusion of how he'd treat his own kids) and for her b-day they had a party but it seemed like it was more for the adults then anything. i got there well after lunch and the few kids that were there didn't eat all day. there was crabs and beer. a small cake that was filled with pecan and lemon not anything the b-day girl ate. and a small box of brownies. the only wrapped gifts she had were from me. she got a bag with some mixed stuff from my ex's brother and literally that was it. had i not gone she wouldn't have had not 1 gift to unwrap. that's just a shame. to me a kid's b-day consists of friends they want to invite, food they want to eat, presents to unwrap, and games for kids to play. i'm sad b/c now that i'm not gunna be around she's not gunna get that attention anymore. and i really think that is gunna be the hardest part of the breakup. i really will miss her. do ya'll think that it would be ok for me to go visit her at her house? and give her gifts on special occasions or should i just let her forget about me and just stay away???
last thing most important though.... the day me and my ex met i was at his next door neighbors house and this little girl came from my ex's house to talk with us and she was 3 at the time she just made 4. later i found out that she is my ex's godchild. i really care about this little girl. she is such a sweetheart and she took to me rather well. almost everytime i went to his house she was there. i took to her b/c she really only wants attention. the other two siblings are like 1 and the other was just born so she can't do too much with them. i read to her colored with her caught dragonflies swung her on a swing. she showed me EVERYTHING she thought was cool. when she'd ask my ex he'd tell her to calm down, be quiet, he's busy. (that's how i came to the conclusion of how he'd treat his own kids) and for her b-day they had a party but it seemed like it was more for the adults then anything. i got there well after lunch and the few kids that were there didn't eat all day. there was crabs and beer. a small cake that was filled with pecan and lemon not anything the b-day girl ate. and a small box of brownies. the only wrapped gifts she had were from me. she got a bag with some mixed stuff from my ex's brother and literally that was it. had i not gone she wouldn't have had not 1 gift to unwrap. that's just a shame. to me a kid's b-day consists of friends they want to invite, food they want to eat, presents to unwrap, and games for kids to play. i'm sad b/c now that i'm not gunna be around she's not gunna get that attention anymore. and i really think that is gunna be the hardest part of the breakup. i really will miss her. do ya'll think that it would be ok for me to go visit her at her house? and give her gifts on special occasions or should i just let her forget about me and just stay away???
Hey Glo_worm, congratulations on making a very wise and beneficial move for your life. You've really done yourself a huge favor, although I know it may not feel so great right now.
Trust me, I've been there, so I know exactly how you feel right now. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for eight years and ended up with a child. When I finally got my head on straight enough to realize that my life and my son's were being emotionally and potentially physically jeopardized, I was overwhelmed feeling liberated, guilty, angry, worthless, grieved, excited and happy all at the same time. I was a MESS for about a month, and the fact that my ex flipped his lid and constantly called me at home, my cell, at work, and would show up unexpectedly, or would want to arrange a visit with our son, and he would cry, beg, plead, get angry and scream at me, threaten suicide, and even go to the extent to change his physical appearance, claim he became a Christian, and would show up at my church and sit behind me made it all the more difficult to get over him and move on. Oh man, and don't even get me started on how he reacted when he found out I started dating someone else!
Since we have a son together, I can't just cut off contact with him; that's illegal for me to do.
So really, you are VERY fortunate that you ended this when you did. Now I must advise you to cut off all contact with him, everything. Change your phone number, MySpace settings, block his emails or change your email address, and anything else. Believe me, guys like your ex are like my ex...it only takes ONE "glimmer of hope" for them to get harassing and stalker-like, such as your Happy B-day text. I understand that you want to be nice; I've been in the same boat. I'd have to take my ex's calls for our son, and he'd slip comments into the conversation like, "How are you doing?" or "Can you help me find a good eye doctor in Huntsville?" when the conversations were supposed to be about our son only.
But I'm a nice person, and he was manipulative and would sound innocently nice or needy...then he'd get difficult to deal with again because he thought, seriously thought, that I was still "in love" with him, it's just we had to work through a "rough spot."
I'm telling you, I've been there, and I still deal with it to this day, even though he lives in CO, my son and I are in AL, and I've been dating a wonderful man for a year!
You are so lucky that you have no strings attached with this guy. You've got to keep it that way if you want the best future possible for yourself, because if you stay in contact, even once a year just to be nice, he's going to misunderstand your intentions.
And I agree with Mami and Momagain about the little girl. It's unfortunate about her situation, and heartbreaking, but she's a big part of his life, and if you involve yourself in her life, you keep yourself in his life.
There are so many children like her, and that's the heartbreaking thing. I think you should look into the Big Sister program, as it definitely seems you have a heart for children in need, and they could certainly use your attention.
Best of luck for your future! PM me if you ever need to talk about anything.
Trust me, I've been there, so I know exactly how you feel right now. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for eight years and ended up with a child. When I finally got my head on straight enough to realize that my life and my son's were being emotionally and potentially physically jeopardized, I was overwhelmed feeling liberated, guilty, angry, worthless, grieved, excited and happy all at the same time. I was a MESS for about a month, and the fact that my ex flipped his lid and constantly called me at home, my cell, at work, and would show up unexpectedly, or would want to arrange a visit with our son, and he would cry, beg, plead, get angry and scream at me, threaten suicide, and even go to the extent to change his physical appearance, claim he became a Christian, and would show up at my church and sit behind me made it all the more difficult to get over him and move on. Oh man, and don't even get me started on how he reacted when he found out I started dating someone else!
Since we have a son together, I can't just cut off contact with him; that's illegal for me to do.
So really, you are VERY fortunate that you ended this when you did. Now I must advise you to cut off all contact with him, everything. Change your phone number, MySpace settings, block his emails or change your email address, and anything else. Believe me, guys like your ex are like my ex...it only takes ONE "glimmer of hope" for them to get harassing and stalker-like, such as your Happy B-day text. I understand that you want to be nice; I've been in the same boat. I'd have to take my ex's calls for our son, and he'd slip comments into the conversation like, "How are you doing?" or "Can you help me find a good eye doctor in Huntsville?" when the conversations were supposed to be about our son only.
But I'm a nice person, and he was manipulative and would sound innocently nice or needy...then he'd get difficult to deal with again because he thought, seriously thought, that I was still "in love" with him, it's just we had to work through a "rough spot."
I'm telling you, I've been there, and I still deal with it to this day, even though he lives in CO, my son and I are in AL, and I've been dating a wonderful man for a year!
You are so lucky that you have no strings attached with this guy. You've got to keep it that way if you want the best future possible for yourself, because if you stay in contact, even once a year just to be nice, he's going to misunderstand your intentions.
And I agree with Mami and Momagain about the little girl. It's unfortunate about her situation, and heartbreaking, but she's a big part of his life, and if you involve yourself in her life, you keep yourself in his life.
There are so many children like her, and that's the heartbreaking thing. I think you should look into the Big Sister program, as it definitely seems you have a heart for children in need, and they could certainly use your attention.
Best of luck for your future! PM me if you ever need to talk about anything.
mami and momagain thank you for the PoSiTiVe advice i very much appreciate it.
Straight~Up enemy, we were together for almost a year. i did develop feelings for this guy. my take on this whole thing is that yes i do love him. i do care about him. i'm sorry he didn't get raised in a wonderful family like i did with more love than i could ever ask for. BUT i can see this would be a mistake to continue with him. it's would be "easier" to let go of him now than if i were to stick it out and try to keep working at it it would be much harder. or even worse to bring a innocent child into the picture. i'm trying to avoid a much bigger mistake. it's best to let it go but yes it has been two days. and it is difficult to have your routine that you've had for almost a year turned totaly upside down. i'm a lil disoriented but i will be ok and i can move on and do this and i will.
Straight~Up enemy, we were together for almost a year. i did develop feelings for this guy. my take on this whole thing is that yes i do love him. i do care about him. i'm sorry he didn't get raised in a wonderful family like i did with more love than i could ever ask for. BUT i can see this would be a mistake to continue with him. it's would be "easier" to let go of him now than if i were to stick it out and try to keep working at it it would be much harder. or even worse to bring a innocent child into the picture. i'm trying to avoid a much bigger mistake. it's best to let it go but yes it has been two days. and it is difficult to have your routine that you've had for almost a year turned totaly upside down. i'm a lil disoriented but i will be ok and i can move on and do this and i will.
((since i'm not heartless i did text him saying hey happy birthday. that's it.))
That's all it takes to give a loser hope. Some people can not be let down easy, you just have to cut them off cold and move on. My sister was nice to a guy by letting him mow her grass and he stalked her for years. You have to be careful who you are nice to.
If you were to keep in touch with that poor little girl, it would also be a clue to him that you still want him. If you enjoy being around needy children, you could always do volunteer work. Believe me there are a lot of children that could use a Big sister relationship with someone that really cares.
That's all it takes to give a loser hope. Some people can not be let down easy, you just have to cut them off cold and move on. My sister was nice to a guy by letting him mow her grass and he stalked her for years. You have to be careful who you are nice to.
If you were to keep in touch with that poor little girl, it would also be a clue to him that you still want him. If you enjoy being around needy children, you could always do volunteer work. Believe me there are a lot of children that could use a Big sister relationship with someone that really cares.
Let me just start by saying congratulations. You have now successfully ended a very dysfunctional relationship. Right now I think the best thing for you to do is stay away from him or anyone that has any connection to him. Your concerns should be about you. It was a very difficult relationship to break free from and you are going to struggle with staying away. It's still very fresh so after a few days you may start to miss little things about him and the constant calls from him won't help. You may fall back into it if you're not careful. I say changing your number is a great start. This way he can't contact you and you won't feel the pressures of having to ignore his calls or wonder why he isn't calling when he suddenly stops. The obsession will not be there. I would set your myspace to private and not except him as a friend. You are not obligated to speak with him or anyone that he knows. You need to be strong here. As far as this little girl, unfortunately that's what happens in breakups, you sometimes lose some relationships with people, like his friends who have become yours, his family who have become your family. This is normal and probably easier then hanging out with them. They are constant reminders of him. Get a fresh start, enjoy your life now. Let the past be the past and move forward. Good luck.
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