Aa
sabotage
I have a problem. I think my husband purposely sabotages every diet I try. Over the holidays he baked & bought a ton of food (AFTER I asked him not to) and when I later complained her said "Well, that's your problem. You're the one eating it") I know this is true and I should take responsibility, but if he had, for example, a drinking problem I certainly wouldn't bring alcohol into the house. Any suggestions?
The sex part is just a carrot befor the donkey thing. guys will do lots of stupid things for sex that they wouldn't do for vanity or money. LOL
This weight/insecurity thing? Despite how I probably sound in these forums I tend to be laid back on most things so maybe I'm wrong. But I don't think most guys worry about this stuff to any extensive degree.
Try doing exercises with him, if he's not interested say you heard it leads to incredible sex etc. Being physically fit can lead to a better sex life and it will work better than if you tell him we're both getting flabby and we need a change.
Also try to find meals online that are more health, lower caloric where you eat just as much but have better, healthier meals. In addition drink lots of water, tea or flavored water. You can flavor the water with just a few drops of fruit and you will be amazed at how much you drink and how much less you eat.
This holds particularly true from what I learned in my winter warfare classes because when it's colder your body craves moisture but most people mix the signals up as being hunger.
Try doing exercises with him, if he's not interested say you heard it leads to incredible sex etc. Being physically fit can lead to a better sex life and it will work better than if you tell him we're both getting flabby and we need a change.
Also try to find meals online that are more health, lower caloric where you eat just as much but have better, healthier meals. In addition drink lots of water, tea or flavored water. You can flavor the water with just a few drops of fruit and you will be amazed at how much you drink and how much less you eat.
This holds particularly true from what I learned in my winter warfare classes because when it's colder your body craves moisture but most people mix the signals up as being hunger.
That having been said J Lopez did not become famous for her acting or her skinny stick figure, nor did Lil Kim, Queen Latifah, Brigit Bardot, Mae West, Marilyn Monroe, etc.
"There is no charge for truth, but lies always cost someone" Attributed to the Mad Scott.
Thanks Jaybay, 's the truth though.
I do want to say that if a person gains weight to the point where you have a flap like they were joking about with Adam Sandler you need to get medical help and try to use natural methods, weight loss surgery is dangerous and if you don't fix the problem that made you gain the weight you can risk gaining it back and suffering mental health problems from mineral/vitamin deficiencies.
Thanks Jaybay, 's the truth though.
I do want to say that if a person gains weight to the point where you have a flap like they were joking about with Adam Sandler you need to get medical help and try to use natural methods, weight loss surgery is dangerous and if you don't fix the problem that made you gain the weight you can risk gaining it back and suffering mental health problems from mineral/vitamin deficiencies.
" I like big butts and I don't don't deny..." I'm not big on obesity but if you have a few curves and your in shape still why be twiggy?
Opinions are good, but some people may want good advice too.... In this case my opinion is that she needs to find out from him what his intentions are and discuss how she feels about it; not hear from a total stranger that he for sure has bad intentions which could lead to her making some serious life decision(s).
I think it's very possible he doesn't want you to lose weight.
Is he insecure? Could he feel like if you lost a lot of weight and became more confident and more physically attractive, you'd leave him?
There are a lot of men who become insecure at the thought of their wives become more attactive to other men.
Best wishes with your efforts at weight loss -
Is he insecure? Could he feel like if you lost a lot of weight and became more confident and more physically attractive, you'd leave him?
There are a lot of men who become insecure at the thought of their wives become more attactive to other men.
Best wishes with your efforts at weight loss -
Jaybay -lol - I am not sure what men think either but I know lots of them marry one type and chase the opposite of her on the side, even if it is just a hypothetical game. So let`s never diet for anyone but ourselves if really need to be....
Mgp, I am not sure if your husband deliberately sabotages your diet. If he is shoving plates of food in front of you, maybe yes, but maybe he is just hungry himself. My son`s daddy has been on diets on and off, the radical ones, Atkins type, and he did not want to see any of the forbidden foods around. I understood but I was nursing and had a huge appetite. Once in a while I thought it was pathetic to stare at a half-empty fridge or tons of meat for his Atkins stuff while I am a vegetarian. So I did stuff up the fridge with all kinds of goodies once in a while, just for me and he blamed any weight gain on me. I was really only starved.
Mgp, I am not sure if your husband deliberately sabotages your diet. If he is shoving plates of food in front of you, maybe yes, but maybe he is just hungry himself. My son`s daddy has been on diets on and off, the radical ones, Atkins type, and he did not want to see any of the forbidden foods around. I understood but I was nursing and had a huge appetite. Once in a while I thought it was pathetic to stare at a half-empty fridge or tons of meat for his Atkins stuff while I am a vegetarian. So I did stuff up the fridge with all kinds of goodies once in a while, just for me and he blamed any weight gain on me. I was really only starved.
That was a really nice thing to say Sam. I've often wondered what men really think about anorexic-looking, stick-figure women. Might as well make love to a pile of sticks. LOL
once again I agree with Teko. I always believed my husband didn't want to me lose weight because then other men would take a second look.
Show him you can lose the weight. I started to exercise and lost 60lbs. Just walking at first then running. Guess what everyone took notice.
Dove
Show him you can lose the weight. I started to exercise and lost 60lbs. Just walking at first then running. Guess what everyone took notice.
Dove
Wait a second! We have so many mind readers here its crazy. How can you honestly say for sure "HE IS", like you know exactly what this man is thinking. Maybe he just likes heavier women? Maybe he loves you just the way you are? Maybe it is just coincidence? You need to find out from him, sit down and tell him how you feel and what you want.
I weigh a little over a 100lbs and my husband always is on a diet. I buy him stuff, but I am not sabotaging..maybe he just wanted you to enjoy the holidays. And husbands do give flip answers sometimes. Exam your whole relationship--is he really an emtionally abusive fella? Also, after I had my children, I would go on a diet--and my husband brought stuff home. We used to have the same conversation, and I would always make a little joke (sarcastic) and eat up anyway. I mean--why let good sweet stuff go to waste? Diets are amendable. Don't try too hard--just make it a lifestyle. It was just a tiff--hope things get better.
PS I do like my man a little chubby--it keeps everything but old ladies away:) That is a joke of ours!
We have a weird since of humor.
Teko--I got tickled by your comment. On my side--I'm not insecure--I just like to keep him chubby:)
PS I do like my man a little chubby--it keeps everything but old ladies away:) That is a joke of ours!
We have a weird since of humor.
Teko--I got tickled by your comment. On my side--I'm not insecure--I just like to keep him chubby:)
Sadly for you, he is. I would explain to him why you are dieting and tell him how much his support means to you. Good Lcuk
Sounds like my parents. My father would do the same thing to my mom and then would complain that she was gaining weight. No matter how she tried to diet and exercise he would suddenly want to eat out a lot, bring home ice cream, and keep tempting her. Meanwhile, if he was trying to get fit he would have an absolute fit if she did the same to him in return, a serious fit.
What we found over time is that my father subjected my mother to this type of 'abuse' on many fronts. It's an attempt to control disguised as something innocent. If you confront them with it you'll get an incredulous denial and mockery that the behavior is anything more sinister. I bracketed 'abuse' because abuse comes in many disguises. Some - like physical abuse - are more pronounced while others - like subtle psychological abuse - can be cloaked in everyday interactions and often fly under the radar.
Mmgp744, I can't assume anything about your relationship so can't make a broader statement than his behavior in this case seems controlling. Are there other areas where he attempts to control your behavior? Is he manipulative?
If so, the only way to beat those people is to be better than them. You'll have to find the where-with-all to deny your urges for those food so that you reach your objectives in spite of his attempts to deny you that victory.
What we found over time is that my father subjected my mother to this type of 'abuse' on many fronts. It's an attempt to control disguised as something innocent. If you confront them with it you'll get an incredulous denial and mockery that the behavior is anything more sinister. I bracketed 'abuse' because abuse comes in many disguises. Some - like physical abuse - are more pronounced while others - like subtle psychological abuse - can be cloaked in everyday interactions and often fly under the radar.
Mmgp744, I can't assume anything about your relationship so can't make a broader statement than his behavior in this case seems controlling. Are there other areas where he attempts to control your behavior? Is he manipulative?
If so, the only way to beat those people is to be better than them. You'll have to find the where-with-all to deny your urges for those food so that you reach your objectives in spite of his attempts to deny you that victory.
You need to express to him that you are not happy with the way you look.. and you are trying to help yourself feel good again.. Does he look good?
Tell him that it would really help you if he was supportive of you and your wishes.. tell him that eating healthy will benifit both of you in the end..
GOOD LUCK
Tell him that it would really help you if he was supportive of you and your wishes.. tell him that eating healthy will benifit both of you in the end..
GOOD LUCK
Mgp, I thought of your post today at work! There is one guy who calls his wife twice a day from a phone close to me. It is hard not to listen. It is no lovey-dovey talk - he calls to see where she is, then cracks a little joke and always closes with some hurtful or accusing comment. Takes about 2 minutes each time and sometimes he hangs up and winks at me saying: "Gotta keep them in check, right. Or else they goof off." Yikes. She is a beautiful girl who is a bit overweight, has a daughter from first marriage and they have a child together. Never ever does he inquire about his son. His main concern is to keep her in the place that he created for her so HE can goof off.
Hope your husband is not as manip ulative as that but the diet sabotage scheme would fit right into this after all.
Hope your husband is not as manip ulative as that but the diet sabotage scheme would fit right into this after all.
Hey mgp744, just wanted to add that although I've never heard any man admit it, I believe that it does happen. My only evidence is an experience from an ex. He loved to cook, but would always serve me heaping portions (at least as much as he was having). Then he would get offended if I didn't finish. We had a discussion about how, as a woman, I did not need to eat as much as him, so from now on only serve me half. That seemed to work for a while, until a few months later, when I became very active trying to lose some weight, he got very insecure. Our relationship was already in a rough spot, but this was one thing he threw in my face - that I was be planning to leave or cheat on him because why else would I be working so hard to slim down?
I had never been so heavy as I was with him, and have successfully kept the weight off since. I really hope your husband isn't quite that bad. Do it for yourself, and if you feel your husband sabatoging you (intentional or not), draw a boundary, e.g. I don't mind if you're making/eating [insert deliciously evil goodie] but put it away afterwards or eat it when I'm not home. Do you think that would that help? Maybe even talk about this and reassure him that you're doing this to be happy with yourself. It has nothing to do with him or anyone else. I think issues of insecurity can be really hard for some guys to talk about. I hope he will realize that by not supporting you, he is inadvertently pushing you away. Good luck!
I had never been so heavy as I was with him, and have successfully kept the weight off since. I really hope your husband isn't quite that bad. Do it for yourself, and if you feel your husband sabatoging you (intentional or not), draw a boundary, e.g. I don't mind if you're making/eating [insert deliciously evil goodie] but put it away afterwards or eat it when I'm not home. Do you think that would that help? Maybe even talk about this and reassure him that you're doing this to be happy with yourself. It has nothing to do with him or anyone else. I think issues of insecurity can be really hard for some guys to talk about. I hope he will realize that by not supporting you, he is inadvertently pushing you away. Good luck!
I have read & appreciate each & every reply.
After careful thought I have come to the conclusion that there are other manipulative behaviors. It is also to his benefit that I stay heavy--he is a real "guy" who hunts, fishes, plays cards, etc. and for years I have stayed home with the children (or took them out & entertained them) while he "did his thing" He is still taking complete advantage in that area.
One thing at a time: I am determined to work on the weight issue. I can do it alone & without his help (just like raising kids on the weekends, lol!)
Again, thanks to everyone. Any additional comments you make will be respected & considered.
After careful thought I have come to the conclusion that there are other manipulative behaviors. It is also to his benefit that I stay heavy--he is a real "guy" who hunts, fishes, plays cards, etc. and for years I have stayed home with the children (or took them out & entertained them) while he "did his thing" He is still taking complete advantage in that area.
One thing at a time: I am determined to work on the weight issue. I can do it alone & without his help (just like raising kids on the weekends, lol!)
Again, thanks to everyone. Any additional comments you make will be respected & considered.
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