should i or not?

[stephychan]

so im dating a guy that is 6 years older then me and we have had sex a few times  and he wants me to get on the pill but i have been on the pill before and didnt like how they made my time of the month act. i am really happy with him but everyone keeps telling me that im to young to know what love is and that im to young to think about being with some one forever and all that stuff. my best freind doesnt like him really cause of how he acts. im only 18 years old and he is 24 but isn't age just a number? what should i do? i know this is all random and stuff but i don't really know what to do. i'm still in high school. its my last year of school and after that im going to work for my uncle. he works and all. we see each other as much as we can and when im around him im very happy but when he isnt arond me im sad. what can that mean. he is the most recent serious relationship in along time. last time i dated someone serious it ended badly. What would be the best thing for me to do?

[stephychan]

dont think there is anything else that they are concerned about.

[specialmom]

Hm.  Well, I'm glad you are going to tech school and do have a plan.  I'd really focas on starting your job with gusto and making the most of it.  Learn as much as you can on the job with boyfriends being number 2 to that.  You think I'm crazy---------- but I'm old and have the wisdom that goes with it.  These are important years for you in your own personal development.  Don't skip any of it!!'

Okay, back to birth control.  If you are not going on the pill because you are afraid your mom will find out--------------  well, that is too much of a risk.  Honestly, trust me, it is.  She'd rather you using contraceptives than getting pregnant!!  You can go to Planned Parenthood if you need to----------- but get on birth control and practice safe sex!!!  

Are there  more reasons than age that your parents and friends are concerned?

[stephychan]

i plan not to go to college after high school because im going to a tech center already to be an auto service woman. my mom doesnt know about me having sex or anything. im scaried to tell her cause she will try to rule my life like she tries to do now. i just dont know what to do

[specialmom]

Hi, I agree with Ashelen.  Girls of your age need to really focas on yourself first, I might add.  I know you have a plan after highschool of working for your uncle, but I encourage you to think about community college or something further to enhance your marketable skills down the road.  I'm dead serious about that.  Many girls think they have it all figured out at 18 and don't realize the twists and turns life can take.  And preparing yourself with either a trade, skill or education to provide for yourself without family or a man to help is really important.  Even if it is just back up---------  it will give you more confidence as you go through life.

Second, you seem to be very focased on being someone's girlfriend.  Relationships are wonderful and "enhance" our life but they should not BE our life.  Make sure you are a well rounded person with friends and activities outside of a man that make you happy.

Age doesn't matter that much except that he is in a little bit different phase of life than you.  That is just the way it is with teens and those in their 20's and beyond.  He's done with school-------- you aren't.  (and please don't be done after high school).  

Birth control-------  I think your boyfriend is right.  He doesn't want you to get pregnant--------- smart guy.  Take him up on the precaution!  

good luck-----------  I know that you don't like to hear that you are young-------- but I say it as a good thing.  You have a whole life ahead of you.  Enjoy this moment without thinking it is everything.  

[Ashelen]

I want to add that I was graduated from high school and living on my own when I met my husband....and I was a FAR different person than I was in high school even though it was only a matter of a few months' difference...you'll know what I mean when you graduate. you should also consider college...it may or may not be something you're planning on, but it opens up a world of options for you.

[Ashelen]

I'm not going to comment on the relationship because a lot of what you're wondering is only going to be learned with time and experience..and even if we tell you about it, you're going to have to learn it through experience.

But I do want to comment about him wanting you to be on birth control...

I think it's a sensible idea if you're sexually active and he's trying to be responsible. If your ONLY issue with it was that it messed with your period, then you are NOT being responsible. No one has 100% side-effect-free birth control, but you take it in order to be responsible...so you may want to consider that if you aren't ready to make that commitment to protect yourself and put up with a little irritation when your period comes, maybe you aren't ready for a serious, intimate (sexual) relationship?

Even though you're 18, being in high school means that you still have to get out in the "real world" and experience a lot of what life has to offer and what a relationship means....I'm not saying you're too young to know what love is and i'm definitely not saying you're too young to pick someone to settle down with (I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 19..we were engaged 2 months later and have now been together for 8 years, married for 3...long engagement) so I'm NOT going to be a hypocrite...but you need to take it slow and not pin all your hopes on one guy until you've grown up a little and experienced a bit more of life...and this includes protecting yourself from pregnancy so you don't get stuck with him if you discover some day that he wasn't the right one for you.

I would say...keep dating him if you want. get on birth control, be SERIOUS about protecting yourself, use condoms as well (don't take "It doesn't feel as good with a condom" as an excuse...if THATS why he wants you on BC, ditch his behind and run as fast as you can...because birth control pills can and DO fail. I got pregnant while on them so you have to use extra protection as well)..and just have some fun with him. However, keep in mind that the next few years are the best time to date and experiment and see what you want in a potential husband...so being tied down may or may not be the best thing for you, you'll have to see as time goes on.


No matter what you choose to do as far as the future, for now, get on protection so you HAVE options...otherwise you may be stuck. You may be in love, you may not be...you don't have to know right now. you're young and can stay with him and have fun or leave him and have fun...so don't try to figure it out. just enjoy your life!