still a virgin at 45

[medgal272]

hi

this is new for me.  but im hoping someone has some advice for me.  i dont know that  you will as i have never encountered this before myself, but im hoping someone might have something to say.

im seeing a man, he is 45 and still a virgin.  i am his first girlfriend  EVER.  first kiss, first everything.  (we havent had sex yet and its been 9 months).  i understand he is used to being alone, but he is so selfish.  i tell him all my deep dark secret wants and dreams and hopes and everything i feel for him, but he just either says thank you in the right spot or looks at me like im an alien from another planet.  he would rather go to a softball tourney than help me move. (my mom is 60 and in poor health and can hardly help me if at all.) when i tell him it feels nice to hold him all he says is thanks  i never get compliments, only backhanded sorta insults and he thinks this is a good compliment.  im not beautiful but im not ugly. im not skinny but im not fat either but the worst of it is, im not his type because im not a stupid super model.  i love him dearly but im fed up with his lack of concern for my feelings.  can any one help me?  any advice at all would be greatly appreciated.  thank you.

[bip]

This guy doesn't sound right to me. He  will never change...

[medgal272]

omg, i never meant to cause an argument between people on this forum!  lemme try to clear some things up just a little.  i mean i made the poor guy seem like a mean evil rotten cant care for anyone arse!

the "digs" he gets in arent so much digs as this:  went to a concert, of course always half nekked women there, so jokingly i pointed out a particularly busty bleach-blonde for him and he says he isnt interested in someone that looks like her, he would rather have someone with brains that he could talk to.  my problem?  he hasnt ever really said im pretty.  ugly either.  just tells me when i dog on myself that im not ugly, im not fat, etc.  doesnt give a compliment. although he has said he likes my hair.  oooookkkkkkk

last night i told him that he felt really nice to hold on to during a really nice hug, his reply?  thanks.  i got butthurt and came unglued and told him that it would be nice if he could just once say something nice about/to  me.  he looked confused and said he didnt know how to feel about me saying that since he thought he has said nice things to me along those lines.  i said think again buddy.  he is still thinking.  

he knows i have to get out of my apt cuz of the changes being made around there regarding seniors and not seniors (im not a senior therefore whereby i have to vacate) and he also knows mom cant really help me much cuz of her health.  his reply?  you know ive been planning this tourney for awhile.  i cant back out.  my feelings?  get the hell over it.  i need your help.  so what did i do?  kept quiet, wrenched my back and can hardly use my right wrist for the carpal tunnel, arthritis, tendinitis and bursitis aching so bad from me moving so much last weekend on my own.  that one, he deserves everyones anger for.

but mostly he is sweet, caring, would do anything for me any time i ask him to.  its just when it comes to being unselfish, he has no clue how to do this.  he has been alone so long and without love from his family and has never had a friend he could truly call a friend that he has no clue how to act in the real world with real people.  he let me in.  i see the real HIM.  what he is capable of and how deep the hurt goes from lack of love from everyone.  im getting thru to him, but its taking too long i think.  maybe couseling would be a good idea?  i dunno.  i appreciate all of you responding as you did.  im just sorry i caused an argument!  

[pertykitty]

id move on. whats he saving it for? besides, virgin or not a selfish man at 45 will not change. i find that characteristic to be a hard one to live with.

[bip]

Move on... He still doesn't sound right to me I think he will never change. Believe me...

[pertykitty]

i dated a man that age, very selfish. didnt compliment, didnt put me first ever. he would actually get out of the car and go into the restaurant before i could get to the door (my opinion not nice lol). anyway he never changed, after 3 years. the only thing that kept me around for that long was the most fantastic sex ever!!!! but even still not worth it looking back. i feel if you have to come on a message board and complain like this, maybe he isnt the one for you. do what makes you happy.

[medgal272]

i know.  im probably one of the most unselfish people i know and i know that sounds so awful to say,tooting my own horn and all,  but i can see it now.  that im always the one to give in every single solitary relationship i have ever been in and then they take take take and when im either tapped out or done giving I GET THE BOOT.  he is sweet and has a lot of good qualities, but i think maybe you guys are right.  the bad well outweigh the good in this one.  if he has to think about whether or not he has given me any sort of compliment then he probably hasnt.  and if he hasnt given "IT"  up to me  yet, then im not the one for him.  sex is a special thing, but not that damned special.  (oh and just for the record, he would bring wine or beer instead of a water bottle for himself to dinner.  he is inept, but not quite that bad, lmfao)

thanks for the insight guys! i appreciate your input.  talking to you and another friend of mine has opened my eyes to the fact that this probably wont work and will only get worse.  especially since im moving pretty far away from him and we wont be able to see each other but maybe on weekends.  oh well.  i do care for him and i think i do love him just a little but the hurt i feel daily isnt worth it to me any more.  

thank you