To each their own. Everyone is an individual with likes and dislikes. I would never criticize anyone for their own wants. If that is what he wants, so be it. If that is not what you want, so be it. Criticizing each other for what each wants is dangerous for a relationship. It just leads to frustration and animosity.
11 years is a long time and I know it would be hard to end but it looks like it's time to leave.
I don't think he is going to change and neither are you.
I've gone through the same thing and we both cordially went our separate ways, understanding what was best. One of your respondents seems to think his desires are fake and gross but to him, they're real. Who is anyone to judge his desires in his own life? Kicking to the curb is a silly way to end a relationship unless someone is cheating and not being truthful. It sounds like he is at least telling you what he wants. But, it might be time to end it.
I realize there are people out there who get off on that type of stuff but personally I think it's gross. I would never stay in a relationship, especially as long as you have, with someone who would want that kind of fake relationship. You're absolutely right that you're not compatible at all and for that reason you really shouldn't be in this relationship anymore.
It doesn't matter what you say to him, he's not going to change. But if you stay any longer, he will harass you forever to get you to change for his benefit. Is that really how you want to live the rest of your life? There are plenty of better guys out there who won't expect you to degrade yourself for his pleasure. You need to find one of those and kick this one to the curb.
Are you married to this guy or is he just a bf?