understanding a recently become widower

[elecounselor60]

I am seeing a person who recently became widowed.  He was married for 42 years and is wife was sick for years.  I was hoping he would not be stuck in the stages of grief very long.  I can I get him to open up to me and talk about his feelings without seeming as though I was invading his privacy?

[jo929]

one can necer tell about about how long it takes to even keep from thinking about losing a loved one, youi will just have to wait and be there if and when he needs you ,if you push that will not help you any it will just take time, do not do or say anything you may regret later  luck  jo

[Judy246]

"Stuck" in the stages of grief?  There is absolutely no time frame for mourning the loss the of loved one. You can't put a time frame on grief.   42 yrs. is  not only significant, but a lifetime.  In July 07, I experienced "7" death's within an 8 month period and I still feel the pain of loss and grief as if it was yesterday. One of the death's was my mother, fiance's father and a baby 2 weeks before Christmas all in the same year. That is why I came to the grief support forum.  Consider yourself fortunate that he is even opened to dating at this point. It's really important to let him express himself if he wishes to do so and people who have suffered the loss of a loved one appreciate compassion, understanding and expression. If he would like to talk to you about his deceased wife, simply listen with an open heart and compassion. I don't think it is invading is privacy if you would simply tell him that you are there for him if he just want's to talk. The grief process is different for everyone, but someone who has loved and loss a loved one has experienced a life changing even and if they are ready to move on and date, that's wonderful, but no one can either replace or remove the history and love that he "has" for his deceased wife. You must accept his as he is and support him and he will open up to who you are.

[iam1butterfly]

There's no set time frame for mourning a loss.
It can take years... and, some people never get over it.
The love of my life died 3 years ago; and, I'm still not over losing him.  
The man that you're seeing will gradually open up as you come to know each other better. The more comfortable he becomes with you, the easier it'll be for him to express his thoughts and feelings. Be a good listener; let him pour his heart out; and, don't be afraid to ask questions. I don't think that he'll feel that your "invading his privacy."
If anything; it'll show that you care.