HPV and anxious

[longtalllizzie]

I am 45 year old woman,  in the same relationship for the last 22 years and faithfull throughout this time.  I did have other sexual partners prior to current partner and the situation is the same  for my partner. Normal pap tests up until 6 months ago when i had an abnormal pap- mild dyscrasia, just repeated pap test and now awaiting results of that.  Dr. has told me that this is a result of HPV infection, does this mean that my partner has cheated on me?

[longtalllizzie]

Hi, thanks again for your openness and insight.  I think im sort of calming down a bit now and dont want to be too hasty or defensive in what i say or do - he says he hasnt been unfaithful but then  thats to be expected i suppose, we have a good healthy, fun relationship that has gone through changes over the years. Thanks again Brownbear, you sound like quite a character, and take care!

[Brianbear]

You seem like a level headed woman. I too have been infected with HPV, so I can understand the shock that happens. Its even more embarrassing for a male when it occurs anally...and you ask yourself, what the hell? But its a really easy virus to pick up. Skin to skin contact, toys, or fingering can easily pass the virus all so "innocently". Now, like you, I have to have regular checkups for dysplasia and I always get a strange look from the doctor when I have to ask him for an anal pap smear. Talk about feeling shame. But I've learned its just one more thing in life that really doesn't matter. You just deal with it and drive on. Feeling ashamed is just a waste of time.

As for your relationship, try to remember that its always a two way street. Its always easy to blame the man for a wandering eye...but in many cases the man can be driven there. (Not to excuse him per se or to suggest that you are the one driving him there). However, it also sounds like your man, if he is wandering, may be going through is midlife stage given his age. I've been going through it myself and its truly a pain. I'm sure he doesn't want to risk a good relationship or to hurt the ones he loves.is..but sometimes a man gets lost and does what he does because he feels he has too. If it turns out that he did cheat, try not to see if as a breaking of trust...but see it as a time of change. It doesn't mean the end of anything...and quite frankly, it could open the door to an even greater relationship.

Try checking this out if it turns out he's cheating on you:

http://midlifewivesclub.com/

[longtalllizzie]

Many thanks for your information, i think my initial feelings were those of shock and insecurity really, i felt somehow unclean and ashamed. Information regarding HPV is fairly confusing but this forum has enlightened me and the sharing of information is empowering too, i feel confident in going forward with whatever is needed next with regard to treatment etc.  With regard to being cheated on i can accept most things with an open mind, however, honesty with regard to why and what the circumstances were etc would be very important if trust has been broken, we also have a daughter and the relationship with my partner is worth a great deal to me. Thankyou once again.

[Brianbear]

Not even. HPV can sometimes take years to manifest as dysplasia, especially if your immune system has kept it in check. 22 years does seem a little long. But it is a virus that stays in your system just like HSV, HIV, and Hep C.  HPV however can be cleared by the immune system by a select few individuals. For most people that's not the norm. Science still doesn't exactly know why. My guess is you've been harboring this infection for years...and some circumstance has finally allowed them to manifest.

Of course if you did find out your partner cheated....how would you react? Are you open minded enough to understand why and give him/her a second chance or would you have a automatic reaction and break it off?