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Mistake 4 Days Ago
Hi- I made a huge mistake last weekend. I had unprotected vaginal and oral sex with woman I did not know. I was under the influence of alcohol and I’m struggling with the shame and guilt. I’ve already reached out to a therapist and substance abuse counselor since this is so out of character for me. Should I go and get tested immediately and then test again? I’m planning on scheduling my physical along with a full panel test for next week. I unfortunately had too travel for work which has been a nightmare. The anxiety and stress is making it very hard to make it through the days. This is a repost from the other forum..
Ok so first of all stop and breath. Lets look at the facts -
You were at risk as you had unprotected sex. This is a fact. Was she a friend? sex worker? Did you talk about STIs or anything? (assuming shes a friend and you trust her). You say guilt - im guessing you have a partner at home? Remember as AJ says, guilt does not equal risk.
So heres what you need to do. Get a test at the correct times. The times are...
Chlamydia - 2 weeks
gonorrhoea - 2 weeks
HIV - 4 weeks
Syphilis - 6 weeks.
Syphilis is uncommon in developed countries and HIV is also uncommon. The majority of people do not have any STIs so from a statistic point of view the test will most likely be negative. The two common ones (chlamydia and gono) if you went to test now, the result would be 95%ish accurate.
You were at risk as you had unprotected sex. This is a fact. Was she a friend? sex worker? Did you talk about STIs or anything? (assuming shes a friend and you trust her). You say guilt - im guessing you have a partner at home? Remember as AJ says, guilt does not equal risk.
So heres what you need to do. Get a test at the correct times. The times are...
Chlamydia - 2 weeks
gonorrhoea - 2 weeks
HIV - 4 weeks
Syphilis - 6 weeks.
Syphilis is uncommon in developed countries and HIV is also uncommon. The majority of people do not have any STIs so from a statistic point of view the test will most likely be negative. The two common ones (chlamydia and gono) if you went to test now, the result would be 95%ish accurate.
16 Comments
She was not a sex worker or a close friend. Yes, the guilt and shame are from hurting someone close to me. I’ve never felt this much emotional pain in my life. I’m also worried about what kind of person I’ve become who can do this. My plan is to get tested fully today and then again in 28 days. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep. Thank You.
It's good that you're addressing the emotional aspects of this. Remember, though, that those are different than any physical risk.
I agree with everything Gaz said about testing and timing, and that most people don't have STIs.
Just take a breath, and remember that you're human, and be kind to yourself.
I agree with everything Gaz said about testing and timing, and that most people don't have STIs.
Just take a breath, and remember that you're human, and be kind to yourself.
Thank you. I received my tests back and I’ve tested negative or non reactive for the sti’s mentioned above. Is that a good sign? My plan is to go back on the after 28 days and get tested again. Will that be definitive?
Your urine tests are conclusive as long as it was more than 7 days and you weren't on antibiotics within the past 3 weeks.
The UK says 2 weeks, the US says a week. I'm not sure why the difference, but it's not going to change after 7 days.
It is very unlikely that you got HIV or syphilis from this, just based on the low numbers of both infections. You can test at 28 days if you want, but I'd expect those to be negative.
The UK says 2 weeks, the US says a week. I'm not sure why the difference, but it's not going to change after 7 days.
It is very unlikely that you got HIV or syphilis from this, just based on the low numbers of both infections. You can test at 28 days if you want, but I'd expect those to be negative.
I was tested on the 7th day. Does that make a difference? Thank you.
Nope, that's fine. :)
Thank you so much. Really appreciate your responses. Really struggling, so any positive news is helpful.
I can not stress enough how low your chances of HIV and syphilis are. I know you have a lot at stake here, but your chances are really low.
I can't help with the other aspects of this - hurting someone you care about, etc., but just remember that guilt doesn't equal risk.
I can't help with the other aspects of this - hurting someone you care about, etc., but just remember that guilt doesn't equal risk.
So with the info from my original post (As AJ mention im UK based) and with what we now know with the 7 day results...
The most risky STI would be the Gono and chlamydia which we now know with certainty, you dont have. That wont change.
Like AJ said, HIV and syph really is much to worry about as it really is uncommon and statistically unlikely after a single event.
The best thing you can do from this event is to learn from it and move on with piece of mind :)
The most risky STI would be the Gono and chlamydia which we now know with certainty, you dont have. That wont change.
Like AJ said, HIV and syph really is much to worry about as it really is uncommon and statistically unlikely after a single event.
The best thing you can do from this event is to learn from it and move on with piece of mind :)
Hi. I received my latest results this morning - all negative or non reactive. Would you all recommend testing again for the STI's listed above? Or should I try to move on with my life. Outside of being VERY aware of my anatomy and stress - I haven't presented any symptoms. A bit worried about things like HSV or something that could be dormant. I know that the risks are low - but my anxiety gets the best of me. Thank you all for being so kind.
If you've had no symptoms, I would just move on.
Testing for herpes has lots of pitfalls - false negatives, false positives. Since you don't have symptoms, I wouldn't bother. The chance of getting herpes from a one time encounter are low enough that it's not worth going through all that.
Even if you were in a long term relationship with someone who had genital herpes type 2, and all you did was avoid sex during an outbreak, you'd only have a 4% chance of getting it from her a year. Getting it from a one-time encounter is obviously way, way lower than that.
So let it go. Really. Just learn from this and remember how it made you feel for all these weeks so that you don't do it again. That's not a lecture about cheating, as your relationship is your own, but rather a way to protect your mental health.
Testing for herpes has lots of pitfalls - false negatives, false positives. Since you don't have symptoms, I wouldn't bother. The chance of getting herpes from a one time encounter are low enough that it's not worth going through all that.
Even if you were in a long term relationship with someone who had genital herpes type 2, and all you did was avoid sex during an outbreak, you'd only have a 4% chance of getting it from her a year. Getting it from a one-time encounter is obviously way, way lower than that.
So let it go. Really. Just learn from this and remember how it made you feel for all these weeks so that you don't do it again. That's not a lecture about cheating, as your relationship is your own, but rather a way to protect your mental health.
Thank you for your response. Yes, I have not had any symptoms of note. The reason I ask is that that I don't want to inadvertently pass anything along to my partner. I know that so much of this is mental - but would the guidance be not to ask for HSV-2 antibody test at all?
If you don't have any symptoms, I would advise against it.
There are a good number of false positives on the hsv2 IgG test. If you test between a 1.10 and a 3.5 - and sometimes higher - it has at least a 50% chance of being a false positive. To unravel that, you have to get a Western Blot test, which is expensive and can only be done through the Univ of Washington. Your doctor can order it, or you can get it yourself, but then you have to find a lab to draw the blood and send it to them. There is also a nurse practitioner who does them.
When I say "expensive" - on Terri Warren's site (she's the NP), she explains the process and cost, and it's over $300 USD.
https://westoverheights.com/getting-a-herpes-western-blot/
You have to wait until 12 weeks has passed from your last possible exposure date.
Even the CDC doesn't recommend herpes testing without symptoms because the testing is so unreliable. It's unfortunate, but that's where we are. If you got a low positive result, how do you think you would handle that, emotionally? Could you deal with waiting another 6 weeks to do the WB?
It's now been 6 weeks for you, give or take. You've had no symptoms. The chances of you getting hsv2 from a one time encounter are so low that even with knowing you have a lot at stake here, I'm totally comfortable with saying don't test for herpes.
There are a good number of false positives on the hsv2 IgG test. If you test between a 1.10 and a 3.5 - and sometimes higher - it has at least a 50% chance of being a false positive. To unravel that, you have to get a Western Blot test, which is expensive and can only be done through the Univ of Washington. Your doctor can order it, or you can get it yourself, but then you have to find a lab to draw the blood and send it to them. There is also a nurse practitioner who does them.
When I say "expensive" - on Terri Warren's site (she's the NP), she explains the process and cost, and it's over $300 USD.
https://westoverheights.com/getting-a-herpes-western-blot/
You have to wait until 12 weeks has passed from your last possible exposure date.
Even the CDC doesn't recommend herpes testing without symptoms because the testing is so unreliable. It's unfortunate, but that's where we are. If you got a low positive result, how do you think you would handle that, emotionally? Could you deal with waiting another 6 weeks to do the WB?
It's now been 6 weeks for you, give or take. You've had no symptoms. The chances of you getting hsv2 from a one time encounter are so low that even with knowing you have a lot at stake here, I'm totally comfortable with saying don't test for herpes.
Thanks again for your response. Right now my mental health is at an all time low, so I'm not sure how I would handle it. I'm coming up on about 6.5 weeks since the incident and while I have not experienced any overt symptoms (lesions, burning sensations, etc.), I have noticed sensitivity around my genitals. Specifically the tip of my penis.
I keep checking when I use the bathroom because I'm worried sick that if I reconcile with my partner I would pass something along. Not sure what to do anymore. The information is so confusing and I'm trying to be responsible. It's been the worse few weeks of my life.
I keep checking when I use the bathroom because I'm worried sick that if I reconcile with my partner I would pass something along. Not sure what to do anymore. The information is so confusing and I'm trying to be responsible. It's been the worse few weeks of my life.
How's counseling?
I don't want to give you any advice that goes against your counseling, but I'd bet your counselor would agree that checking every time you're in the restroom is not helping your mental health. It's also counter-intuitive now because checking for symptoms once a day - or every other day - is sufficient.
Checking that often may be causing your sensitivity, or that might be a hyper awareness of the area.
The time for herpes symptoms has passed. The average time for syphilis symptoms has passed, and you've tested negative for that. It's also really uncommon.
You can let this go now. I'm sorry your relationship is over, at least for now. I hope you can repair that.
Continue with your counseling. You'll get through this.
I don't want to give you any advice that goes against your counseling, but I'd bet your counselor would agree that checking every time you're in the restroom is not helping your mental health. It's also counter-intuitive now because checking for symptoms once a day - or every other day - is sufficient.
Checking that often may be causing your sensitivity, or that might be a hyper awareness of the area.
The time for herpes symptoms has passed. The average time for syphilis symptoms has passed, and you've tested negative for that. It's also really uncommon.
You can let this go now. I'm sorry your relationship is over, at least for now. I hope you can repair that.
Continue with your counseling. You'll get through this.
I agree - move on now and enjoy life. You have not gotten anything from this encounter
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You are reading content posted in the STDs / STIs Community
Herpes spreads by oral, vaginal and anal sex.
Herpes sores blister, then burst, scab and heal.
STIs are the most common cause of genital sores.
Millions of people are diagnosed with STDs in the U.S. each year.
STDs can't be transmitted by casual contact, like hugging or touching.
Syphilis is an STD that is transmitted by oral, genital and anal sex.
