You're welcome.
You got a good answer from Dr. Hook in the expert forum. I hope it helps, too.
Aj
thank you you make allot of sense. and your right.
Its just we want to look at the negative before anything.
thank you so much for speaking out.
I can see where you would have thought it was an std - I can totally see that part. You had symptoms, the doctor said gonorrhea, etc.
But then you both tested negative. Its not gonorrhea.
In the meantime though, you've called her dirty, promiscuous, gotten in her face about it, etc. No matter what happens, if you love her, you respect her. You don't call her names. You don't get in her face. That's not acceptable. You still don't believe her.
And no, I don't think its immoral to be with a lot of men, necessarily. Was she trying to find a boyfriend? Was she trying to prove she was attractive to men? Its not the healthiest way to go about that, but its what a lot of women do.
Now, you are in a relationship where maybe both partners have esteem issues, and you are right - who doesn't? That doesn't mean you knock someone down to bring yourself up. That's not any healthier than sleeping around trying to find love or self esteem.
She has nothing to do with the people you grew up with. Taking those issues out on her is as unfair if she was taking out her issues on you. My ex bf cheated on me - would it be fair to my next bf to distrust him based on my ex? Nope. Its human, but its not fair.
Someone's past doesn't always indicate the future. You've been with her for 8 months, and you know she's been faithful. When does she get a break about her past?
And what if it is only 9 people and you aren't believing her? That's not very loving. What if its 15? Does that change anything? Why is 11 different than 9 or 15 or whatever? Who you each were before you met each other brings you to who you are now. If you love her now, appreciate her past for helping create who she is today.
Aj
Being with 100 men is a bit immoral don't you think. In the end we are all sinners including myself and we all have self esteem issues. Every one of us.
Its our job to find faithful people in our lives and your right not judge anyone as long as there is love there after.
c'mon 100 , or an army of men... your getting carried away.. even you would have issues with that comment...
the hole anger issue is the fact that we live in a world without trust and that is my self esteem issues, Growing up not trusting people... But she is great, i know this...
but apart from me being upset.. you have to understand were I'm coming from.
thanks,
I don't care if she's been with 100 men, or an army of them. You both tested NEGATIVE for gonorrhea. That's the important part here, that you are just refusing to see.
I'm afraid its already personal - you have called her dirty and you think she gave you an std. I have herpes, and find that anyone who calls someone with an std "dirty" very offensive.
Remember that you are posting on an std board, and many of the people here DO have an std - that's why they are posting. We will find that offensive.
Do you have faith and love like she does? If not, let her go so she can find herself, and find a man who won't care about her past. Whatever her past is, its what led her to you, and made her who she is. Let it go. Other than the fact that she is std-free, her sexual past is of no concern for you.
Don't let this be a nasty relationship. Telling her off to her face isn't anything to be proud of, and if she comes back, then it sounds as if you both have some self esteem issues.
Regardless of all of that, you both were negative for gonorrhea. LET IT GO.
Aj
it doesn't matter about her, you tested negative so that means you never had it.
one more thing is it possible she may have had it and before the tests treat it in order to show up negative?
but like you said i never had it right?
I guess its fine then.
The thing is I never believed with how many men she slept with... And I have told her off to her face, yet she still accepts be back...
I am thinking that she is guilty of her past and does not want to deny it..
She does wear braces so this can be from the bacteria. you are right...
don't get personal in this, I don't want to argue with anyone and appreciate your feedback.
I know and see a bit more than you do.. But in the end you and Vince are both right it is a matter of love and faith witch she has..
thank you.
Not to get this too far off track, but you need to change your attitude. If my man called me dirty, I'd be out the door very fast. If he said he still loved me even though I was dirty, I'd be out the door faster. Its not for you to judge her. Either you love her, or you don't.
You've also had more partners than she has. Aren't you dirty, then, too, given your standards?
And Vance is right - NGU is non-gonococcal urethritis, meaning any infection in the urethra that is NOT gonorrhea. You didn't have gonorrhea. You tested negative.
It can be caused by normal mouth bacteria entering your urethra, and your urethra doesn't like it, so it causes an infection.
This could have happened had she been a virgin. If you are going to stay with her, forget about the number of people she's been with. It doesn't matter now, any more than it matters how many you've been with. She deserves someone who doesn't care and who doesn't throw it in her face.
I can understand why you thought it was an std, but your tests were negative, and you accused her of it. Not fair.
Aj
you were with 11 women, what makes you better then her? get off your high horse.
Your absolutely right... I get paranoid since this is the first time...
I will do something special! after all she is faithful to me, even though i know about her past.. she has been with 9 men... I still love her...
It is not gonorrhea, you tested negative for it. It could have been NGU which can be caused by mouth bacteria.
Gonorrhea and NGU are different, gonorrhea is an STD, NGU is transmitted through oral sex but can just be normal mouth bacteria. So you never had gonorrhea and neither does your girlfriend. Just because you got it when you did doesn't mean anything.
I would suggest you do something special for her and apologize to her.
yes, but it is very convincing after being with her that these signs show up... I never had them before...
to top it off they show up a week or two later...
I heard of NGU, So you say its a normal throat bacteria that caused this Gonorria. Isn't gonorrhea sexual and not bacterial. its pretty confusing?
You are right about me saying she is dirty while i been with eleven woman... Its just i know her a bit more personally and am angry.
And the fact i got it right after her before being celibate for a year leaves me suspicious?
So you are assuming since tests came out negative, yet i had symptoms of gonorria, that it may be this thing called NGU?
thanks for the feedback
Oh so Vance and I responded at the same time, and said almost the exact same things. :)
Oh so many things to address here.
First, your partner, or anyone, is not "dirty" if they have an std, or have had other partners, etc. We are "dirty" when we need to shower. We are "clean" when we've bathed. Being clean or dirty has nothing to do with sex, STDs, etc. You've had 11 partners - does that make you "dirty"?
Second, your doctor was wrong to diagnose you with gonorrhea based on symptoms alone. Lots of things can cause discharge like that - NGU, prostatitis, etc. You can get NGU from normal mouth bacteria entering your urethra.
Let go of the gonorrhea - your tests were negative. LET IT GO.
You could have jock itch or another fungal infection. Those can sometimes be hard to treat.
Let me start by saying you need to change your words, you start off by saying you have been with 11 clean women and now later on in your post you said she must have been dirty. Try telling your girlfriend that she was dirty and see what kind of reaction you get from her.
The bumps have nothing to do with an STD. But here is what could have happened. You tested negative for gonorrhea is what I am getting from your post. You could have gotten NGU which can be aquired from oral sex. It can be normal mouth bacteria that this is from and nothing more.
She had a blood and urine test but she would also need a throat swab to check for oral gonorrhea. But again if your tests were negative for gonorrhea you didn't have it and she didn't have it. So again it points to NGU.