Boyfriend has no interest in vaginal sex; only oral

[NoName80]

Hello,
I'd like to get some input on a problem I've had in my 2.5 yr long relationship.

Of the 2.5 years, my boyfriend and I have been living together for 1.5 yrs. Throughout the course of the relationship, he has always shown a preference for oral sex, and our standard is oral for him, hand for me (sometimes with a little bit of oral for me). During my period and at other times as well, he gets freebies. Actual intercourse happens once every 2-3 months, always at my initiation.

I am the older in our relationship, and men of his age should want sex much more than he does (I'm 29 and he's 23). I seem to be the one who's always up for it. I'd be happy with sex once every other day, but that does not happen.

I realize that I carry some blame here--had I refused to perform oral without "normal" intercourse, he would have either "earned" it or we would have ended the relationship. Now that I've gone this far with this sexual relationship that leaves me unhappy, I don't know how to fix it.

There is one more factor, which I believe may have something to do with it. For a significant part of our living together, we struggled with his porn watching. It destroyed a lot of the intimacy (while he watched, he was less interested in real physical intimacy). Had the porn not been heterosexual, I would have assumed that our sex problem is a result of homosexual tendencies. However, the porn was heterosexual. We are now in yet another period when he's decided to stop. Regardless of whether or not he will, I have a feeling that the frequency and amount of porn watching he did affected his expectations of a woman. During our second time of intimacy, he asked for sexy lingerie; then he made suggestions for a completely hair-free vaginal area; then he asked for costumes; etc. etc. all of which were signs for me that he has learned all of this from porn.

He's not a very affectionate person. We don't cuddle after sex, which is fine by me 99% of the time. However, now I'm starting to think that this too is part of the reason why he doesn't want to have intercourse.

I've tried talking to him about this, as I prefer to say and ask things directly. I have not been able to get a straight answer. The answer is different almost every time, and I've often gotten the promise of more frequent intercourse but with no delivery on the promise.

Any ideas what's going on and how I should approach this now?

Thanks for reading this long thing and thanks if you reply.

[iam1butterfly]

I also think that pornography, and its objectification of sex partners, has played a role in what would appear to be an emotional (intimacy) disconnect. You have to make it clear to him that you have needs that have gone unfulfilled for far too long... and that you have gotten the "short end of the stick" (no pun intended) in the relationship... and, that it cannot survive on its current lopsided course. Suggest to him that if he does not make quick and significant changes, your time together may have come to an end. And, tell him that you will no longer accept empty promises; you want action!  ... good luck!

[PromisedLand]

I'd love to have more time to go into it but my vote is that porn is the culprit and you should give him the ultimatum my wife gave me... porn or me...which is it....well, I'm still here..and were we not having some health issues, we would have a normal healthy mutually satisfying sex life


Jim