Boyfriend with sexual problems

[lilliesori]

My boyfriend of two years has been having sexual problems throughout our relationship and I am trying to help us but it has turned into a downward spiral.  This is really hard for me emotionally because I don't have a strong family unit and I have been laid off from work and I really need his love and support BUT I can't go on like this.  Here are the sequence of events:

1. He had problems cumming- delayed ejaculation
2. Then he had trouble getting hard (he said it was because I put pressure on him for not cumming.)
3.  Next he divulged he love affair with porn and I first tried to embrace it but soon found out about why I really do not like porn.  
PORN TAKES AWAY FROM THE BEAUTY OF INTIMACY BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN.  I want him to be into me and not have to look at porn to get going.
He would look at porn during the act instead of looking at me and I am not awful looking.  I told him it bothered me and he tried to focus more on me.  It really hurt my feelings and also made me wonder if he has serious sexual issues.
I have never been with a man that isn't hard just by making out.  He would never get hard while kissing.  I would basically need to give him oral sex in order for him to get hard.
He went to a well known sex therapist once a year ago and said that he will not return because we didn't try the exercises she gave us, which are mostly oral sex.  I am really sad now because we're taking  a break.  I feel like I have been too tactless (as he says) but the reality is that how can you communicate such harsh realities without putting it bluntly?  I told him how I feel and he says I need a therapist to help me cope with these problems and that we will no longer be in contact.
He comes from a deeply religious family, I think this may too add to his problem.  He also has a lot of gay relatives.  I am really sad that I drove him away he has been the sweetest man I have ever known, but he is also very insecure with me ,( I think because of the problem,) to the point where he doesn't want me to hang out with friends or chat online sometimes.  I do it anyways.   but I want a serious relationship that's for the long-term and I feel that we need to deal with these problems now.  

[kllmfae]

A agree with lilliesori about your self esteeem and I think that seeing a therapist is a great idea (: good luck!

[thebetrayedone]

I honestly think it is more than just "different upbringings" ... but hopefully the therapist will be able to sort things out.  Just be open to the possibility that your emotional needs are so great due to your low self esteem that it may be time to address the cause of that.

[lilliesori]

Thank You, I appreciate the advice.  I am going to see a therapist to help myself and him out.  He is a kind person I think we just have some differences with our upbringings.

[kllmfae]

I understand how you are feeling and I from what I can make out it sounds like he has been blaming you for a lot of things which probably isn't your fault or isn't completely your fault. Sometimes men have trouble taking the blame so they take it out on their girlfriends. If he has always been like this then maybe you need to find a man more reliable that makes you feel more secure. A break won't kill you - if you stay single for a while you will grow stronger and you could find someone better. If you truly love him and he's not an a**hole like it seems, then once he cools off a little go out for dinner and discuss your feelings and his, and maybe introduce something else into your sex life - a vibrator or some other sex toy - you never know, it might work.

[thebetrayedone]

I hate to sound rude, but I see multiple issues here:

1) He sounds addicted to porn and is substituting the women in the porn films for you, probably because of the observations below and the resulting emotional stress it is being put on him:  
2) The emotional strain you put on him for addiction to porn is acceptable, but I would venture to guess that your lack of a "strong family unit" makes you want to put all your frustrations and all your emotional needs on him, which is unfair and probably contributes to his lack of ability to get aroused.  I think it would be good for you to see a counselor about your self esteem or self reliance issues.
3) Some men simply do not get turned on by kissing.  This happens especially as men age.  I do not get hard immediately by kissing my wife.  You should be more open minded about such things, especially if you have dealt with it your entire relationship with him.
4) Porn doesn't have to be all gang-bangs and random acts which are played out.  There is soft porn out there which is more "intimate" and there's also amateur websites out there of man/woman couples, married couples, etc. who showcase themselves.  Ask him to try that too, and that would address your issue of some porn getting rid of the intimacy.