Rips and Tears PLEASE HELP

[ladyray22]

Hello. im 21 and my husband is 20. Im at my wits end and feel bad because my husband feels like a failure because of our problem. this problem just started after i had my first child in 2010.

my husband and I are very sexual. We have sex pretty much everyday at least once. I see a doctor frequently for unrelated reasons and get tested for STDs regularly so does he. That is ruled out so it leaves us at a loss for explanation.

when we are done having sex my husband end up with tearing all around his skin right beneath the head of his penis. They range from 1-5. They look painful and they hurt him. He's very well endowed so he blames me being tight as the cause behind it.

I also suffer from ripping near my perineum and have tears on the inside of my vagina. It doesn't happen everytime, but it happens often. Lubrication isn't a problem because I'm very ready everytime and when we've tried lube to see if it would help I just swelled up from it.

I need help or suggestions. This is ruining our sex life and I'm scared he has a problem with how tight I am. He always says that after 2 kids I should of gotten looser not tighter and I feel like this is all my fault. I'm worried he'll go elsewhere

sorry for the long post but if you have a solution or suggestions even just an understanding I'll be grateful.
thank you in advance

[jemma116]

You both clearly have a problem that needs looking into by the medical profession.

Neither of you should be tearing.  
When you were having your baby, were you cut and stitched?  You may have been too tightly stitched.

I would suggest you do not have penetrative sex until you are both completely healed.  

Do not use soaps or shower gels to wash the genitals as this will dry the delicate skin.  Use non perfumed soap or a soap that has a pH level like our skin, baby washes should be fine.

The doctor can prescribe a moisturising cream like Dermol 400, Dibrobase, Doublebase, that can also be used as a wash.  Dermol 600 is a microbial moisturising solution that is added to the bath water.   The doctor may also prescribe a steroid cream to help with the healing.  

It may be that you both have a fungal infection and a swab would show if this is the case and a prescription for an antifungal and antibacterial cream would be prescribed.  You can buy antifungal creams specifically for the genital area from the pharmacy without a prescription and also Fluconazole which is a single dose oral capsule.  I would wait for the advice of your doctor first.

Taking a bath with a couple of handfuls of oats in the water will help to heal the soreness as will applying a natural live yogurt to your cleaned and gently dried genitals.  This works for both men and women.

You and your husband may prefer to be referred to a specialist who will be more familiar with these types of problems.  You both may have a condition called Lichen Planus.  There is no cure for this, but it can be managed.

Wishing you both a speedy recovery so that you can both enjoy a fulfilling and pain free sexual experience.

[remar]

Can I ask what lubrication you used? You really should use a water based one like KY jelly. Almost all people can use this kind with no problems.

[Prizefighter]

Sorry to hear about your problem. My issues is that you stated he might go elsewhere. I don't know the problem to your issue, but I think there are other ways to "get him off" as you work through this problem. Just make sure you guys are communicating and trying to figure this issue out.