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Help-Divorce Imminent!!
My husband came out of a 25-yr marriage to a nymphomaniac, who he eventually divorced b/c she cheated more than once. We have only been married for 3-yrs, but divorce is back on the table for the 5th time and I'm tired of the threats, disrespect and problems. My husband masturbates almost every day; because of his age (59) and pre-conditioning with previous wife, he has to take viagra to do so. Even with the use of viagra and a constrictive device, he cannot seem to maintain an erection during normal intercource. I've tried to convince him to slow down on his daily "routine" so when we do come together it's more pleasurable for both of us and that b/c of age, his so-called "libido" now exists primarily in his head and does not match his physical limitations. He says my reasoning is not medically sound and/or backed, and I know nothing about male physiology.
He has already been unfaithful once and I fear a second transgression will happen if we don't resolve this issue with regard to quantity, soon!
I have two questions:
1.) How can I get him to realize his own limitations without treading on his ego?
2.) How can I tell him that the use of Viagra on a daily basis is simply NOT healthy and could cause a heart attack (especially given the fact that he's a heavy smoker at 3-or more packs a day)?
He is college educated, but with a closed mind....I am at my wits end!
He has already been unfaithful once and I fear a second transgression will happen if we don't resolve this issue with regard to quantity, soon!
I have two questions:
1.) How can I get him to realize his own limitations without treading on his ego?
2.) How can I tell him that the use of Viagra on a daily basis is simply NOT healthy and could cause a heart attack (especially given the fact that he's a heavy smoker at 3-or more packs a day)?
He is college educated, but with a closed mind....I am at my wits end!
Thank you again for taking time to comment. Yes, I asked for honesty (that's something I don't get from my husband) so I am sincerely grateful.
I don't feel very good about the situation or being thousands of miles away from family, but I am finally seeing a new perspective. My knees hurt from praying and staying here is more than painful.
Thanks again and God bless you!
I don't feel very good about the situation or being thousands of miles away from family, but I am finally seeing a new perspective. My knees hurt from praying and staying here is more than painful.
Thanks again and God bless you!
Your husband most definitely DOES NOT speak for the masses. Sounds like he's got some fairly major issues and that you're in over your head. Take the advice of the above (both AnnieBrooke & FrankJ93) and kick him to the curb.
I understand that you're a Christian woman, and that you want to try and save your marriage, but it sounds like this guy is doing everything in his power to destroy it, so if I were you, I'd pack it in and get yourself a good divorce lawyer.
He's lied to you, cheated on you, is taking Viagra (daily) in order to jerk-off, has threatened divorce 5 times... what more do you want, and what other blatant signs do you want put in front of your face?
He seriously takes Viagra, every single day, just so that he can get an erection, just so that he can masturbate? That's almost too pathetic to say out loud. And he has the ballz to say that your reasoning is not medically sound and/or backed, and you know nothing about male physiology?!?
I'm sorry if that comes across as harsh, because it really was meant to. The writing is on the wall, I'm sorry to say. Get the heck out of Dodge because your "husband" is a pathetic looser.
Again, sorry if that comes across as harsh. I'm just speaking truthfully & honestly, which is what you asked for.
LMNO
I understand that you're a Christian woman, and that you want to try and save your marriage, but it sounds like this guy is doing everything in his power to destroy it, so if I were you, I'd pack it in and get yourself a good divorce lawyer.
He's lied to you, cheated on you, is taking Viagra (daily) in order to jerk-off, has threatened divorce 5 times... what more do you want, and what other blatant signs do you want put in front of your face?
He seriously takes Viagra, every single day, just so that he can get an erection, just so that he can masturbate? That's almost too pathetic to say out loud. And he has the ballz to say that your reasoning is not medically sound and/or backed, and you know nothing about male physiology?!?
I'm sorry if that comes across as harsh, because it really was meant to. The writing is on the wall, I'm sorry to say. Get the heck out of Dodge because your "husband" is a pathetic looser.
Again, sorry if that comes across as harsh. I'm just speaking truthfully & honestly, which is what you asked for.
LMNO
Your husband is certainly not speaking for the masses. There are plenty of men, even those who are not "perfect Christian mates," who do not cheat on their wives. Doing so means hurting someone you love, diluting the emotional attachment to their spouse, and having no integrity. A whole lot of people simply will not do it for those reasons, no matter what the provocation or excuse. For me, the cheating would be the deal-breaker, the rest would just make things worse. Being Christian does not mean you have to be a doormat or to take whatever insults he dishes out.
First, thank you both for taking the time to respond.
I am a Christian woman and I thought I had finally found the perfect, Christian mate; but he obviously left out many pertinent details about his life. Still, I was/am trying to make the best of this situation and not knowing all there is to know about men, wondered if he is speaking for the masses, or merely from his own perspective.
Thank you, again.
I am a Christian woman and I thought I had finally found the perfect, Christian mate; but he obviously left out many pertinent details about his life. Still, I was/am trying to make the best of this situation and not knowing all there is to know about men, wondered if he is speaking for the masses, or merely from his own perspective.
Thank you, again.
My suggestion is to go ahead and divorce him. He sounds like he has issues, and if you chose to marry this loser, you probably a lot as well. If he has threatened 5 times, he is pretty serious. Do both of yourselves a favor and find a happy life without each other.
It seems like the issue is not 1.) preserving his ego or 2.) telling him about Viagra but
3.) How fast can you get out of there?
The whole situation sounds like a loss. He tells you tales about his wife (a nymphomaniac? Really? Has *she* ever told you her side of the story?) as though he was entirely blameless in his last marriage. Yet: he cheats, masturbates when it seems to have an obvious effect on your sex life, does not listen to your suggestions, 'has a closed mind,' disses you, smokes three packs a day. Why ever do you *want* him?
3.) How fast can you get out of there?
The whole situation sounds like a loss. He tells you tales about his wife (a nymphomaniac? Really? Has *she* ever told you her side of the story?) as though he was entirely blameless in his last marriage. Yet: he cheats, masturbates when it seems to have an obvious effect on your sex life, does not listen to your suggestions, 'has a closed mind,' disses you, smokes three packs a day. Why ever do you *want* him?
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