My husband seems to never want to engage in relations

[Anne1721]

When my husband and I first met, he seemed to be a wonderful lover, Then a couple of things happened, and I didn't think too much about it, He questioned me about past experiences ( my first husband had died ) and I told him that I felt uncomfortable discussing that.
    At the time of our courtship,he moved into my home. He was working 10-12 hour days, and was exhausted upon returning home. I didn't think too much about this at first,realizing that not every man would have the sexual apitite of my first husband ( who liked relations 4-5 times a week...well into our 29 yrs marriage ...which was fine with me.
   My second husband and I have now been married for three years, and he hasn't even had sex...not even on our wedding night. I thought he was kidding when he told me that his Grandma "S" stopped having sex at age "50"...never in a million years did I think that he was serious ....that when I turned 50 within a few months of our wedding, that he meant that.
   I really want to be loved. I am never told I look nice, ( I am told that I am very attractive ) ....he never kisses me ...never holds me. He lost his job almost 2 1/2 yrs ago, and has been drinking a great deal ever since. I told him prior to our marriage that drinking scared me ( I grew up in a alcholic home)
   This man does not hit me...or start arguements (sp) however, he at times likes to tell me when I am wrong...which is getting more and MORE frequent.
   IT is getting harder and harder to get out of bed every day. I also have a chronic illness. I pay all the household bills as well....
Please help....What should I do ? This man has also witheld information about his daughter...( her name etc. and his grand children's names.
    I am sure that you probably are going to tell me I am a nut case for staying in this relationship.....but I really need help. My first husband was wonderful...WE never ever fought...that's the truth. Every friend I had envied me...wanted my first hubby ! !
   Again, please help....

[fung]

Have you ever having sex in your courtship?  Marriage with no sex is imposible except for other purpose. I think he just use you for supporting him financially. You should not wasting anymore time with him, 3 years is enough. Obviously he is not care for  you.  go get a divorce. It's better live alone with your first husband's memory and use   your money to make you happy .

[SixStringer]

From what you describe, it would be difficult to justify your staying in this marriage.  Your husband would have to do a complete about-face.  It is odd and disheartening that when you first met " . . .he seemed to be a wonderful lover", but that you haven't had any sex since your marriage.  I wonder how long your courtship was, leading up to your marriage?  You had a wonderful relationship with your first husband, but those are only happy memories now.  You have to deal with the present.  Your present husband sounds like he has lost his motivation in more than one area and could possibly be an alcoholic.  You need to seek outside help whether from your clergyman, marriage counselor, psychologist, or woman's outreach center.