I know it's extremely difficult, but I would try not to obsess over this anymore. If the girl you slept with is getting yearly PAP smears, she will be able to catch any cervical cell changes early on before it becomes a real problem. Chances are, she will be okay. Usually women who have abnormal PAPs will clear the virus in time and the cervical cells will go back to normal. Also, why do you feel this is totally your responsibility? It is her responsibility to get yearly gyn exams and be in charge of her sexual health. It's one thing if you could still get in touch with her, but since you can't, I wouldn't keep worrying.
Good luck,
Em
thanks for your kind response. On one level I do know this but yet I basically feel like I am just a coward and putting a life at risk (which is evil) if I don't contact this doctor and that I am not doing it (contacting him) because I was once his student and am just nervous about the can of worms I might be opening up (what would he think of me having slept with a 16 year old for starters. I wouldn't possibly be able to explain the whole complex story to him and I may well just end up doing a lot more destruction for me and others than any good). On the other hand, I also think he would think I am crazy just talking to him about this and asking him to try to find this girl. I am just driving myself crazy with all this. All I really want to do is the right thing and just have peace. I am a genuinely good person who once behaved badly at the low point in my life. And my partner is right, other areas are now starting to suffer as a result. She is also right that I will almost surely, even if I did call him and somehow it all worked out and we got in touch with her, just quickly find another obsession to torment myself with
Oops...I meant to delete the last paragraph. I originally wrote it and then re-thought it because of your OCD. So scratch that last paragraph. Even if you were to see her in person and tell her, you'll still continue to obsess over it--you'll wonder if she took it seriously and is really being tested, etc..
Listen to your counselors.
I don't see the point in seeking to get the information to her. If you write her a letter and ask the mutual friend to give it to her and she agrees, you'll obsess about whether or not she actually gave her the letter. If you talk to the doctor and he says he'll contact her, you'll obsess about whether or not he actually followed through. If you find her name and address via a private investigator, you'll obsess about whether or not she received the letter (if her boyfriend or mother intercepted the letter or if the letter was lost in the mail, etc.).
If you did not have OCD and genuinely wanted to just let her know as a courtesy and could look up her address and mail her a letter and let it go, then I'd say "Go for it!", but you know that's not what will happen.
I think you should listen to your therapist and partner.
Could you contact the doctor--tell him that you have important medical information that you would like to get to a one-time patient of his. If he says he can help, tell him that you want to make sure she is tested regularly for HPV since you found out you likely had it when you were with her. Ask him what you should do about it. You could simply write, "Please get tested for HPV on a regular basis--I was with someone who had cervical cancer before you and later discovered that I had HPV when we were together." You don't even have to sign it. However, you do need to be confident that the doctor will give her the letter, or you'll likely just obsess over that.
one other thing i should add: I called the public health unit to ask if they could trace it. They basically said no and to forget about it.
I now live in a different city, far away from her and have no other way to contact her save the one possibility above.
actually, now that I think about it, I have been exposed to a higher risk HPV too (before I slept with the 16 year old). I remember one old partner telling me she was currently being treated for cervical cancer.
I am just driving myself crazy with all of this. I really don't know what to do. And I do know that as is so common, even if I did call that doctor, one obsession would quickly replace another and I'd just start worrying about something else. And so I just don't know what is right here: let this go and move on or do everything I possibly can to find this girl, today 19.