Was I molested and don't remember?

[lemonbreeze]

When I was three we moved here. The neighbor was already living next door. He was around a lot. He started coming over right after we moved here. He was around so much it was like he was part of the family. He went into the hospital when I was 7 or 8 and died when I was 8. From the age of three to like 7/8 he was around me a lot. My parents trusted him, thinking he was just a nice old man. The whole family trusted him. It's called adult grooming. He was very generous with money and took mom and me places. Now my parents trusted him. So, I assume as I played on the porch I stayed on the porch with him as mom went in the house to make coffee. Now from 3 to 7 or 8 he was around me a lot. I'm concerned he may have molested me but I don't remember. I have a flashback of something really evil happening in his room one day but my mind has blocked out what happened. I just remember standing there and I remember his bed.

How can I know if he hurt me? If he did I am sure I wouldn't have told because I have trouble expressing when I'm in pain or scared.

I'm scared because I know it's very likely since he was around me for years. I'm concerned because someone said he was supposed to have molested a child before. And I found out from someone he had thoughts of me in a bad sexual way. The person found out because as the old man was looking at me he got an erection. If he thought of me in a bad man way once I'm sure he did more than once. :-(

I read even thinking about a child sexually is child sexual abuse. That and his grand daughter had intercourse in front of me when I was 8 in the kitchen window. I heard that was sexual abuse,too. By the time he was dead I think she was already moved in his home.

Is it possible to be around a child molester for over four years and not be hurt by him?

[MammaBoobundaBird]

When I was between the ages of 6-9 I was molested by two different people, and although I blocked out most of it , there is no forgetting no matter how hard I try. I think if it would of actually occurred you would remember something. And like the other person said acting and doing are two different things. He may have thought about touching you, and not actually done it. Regardless it's sick of course, but I don't think it happened. The news you were told may have made your mind come up with a false memory. But then again it could of really happened. No one knows for sure but you.

[lemonbreeze]

I remember when I was young [not sure how old] I...

Ok,this is embrassing. How would you know if a green booger like discharge from when you were a little girl was from a bacterial infection or something worse? I know it's embrassing to admit but it happened. I never told anyone in my family. Not sure when it went away.

If he did hurt me he probably would have done it in a way I didn't realize I was being hurt. I trusted him so if he ever asked me to sit on his lap I wouldn't have even known he was hurting me.

[jemma116]

I am sure that had the man been nasty or molested or hurt you in any way, you would not have wanted to be around him, no matter how old you were.

Is it possible that with getting the information that he had molested a child before, has now made you worry?

Unfortunately, as you can't remember and there would no proof at all and he is now dead, there is not much that you can do about it.

When you ask is it possible to be around a child molester for four years and not be hurt by him, then yes of course you can be around someone like that and not be hurt or molested.  You can be around a murderer and not be murdered by him/her.

The grandfather having sex with his granddaughter was in fact incest.  
What he thought about and what he did are two different matters.  Thinking is not the same as doing.   No one knows what someone else is thinking.

If you are disturbed and get persistent flashbacks, it may be a good idea to see your doctor to be referred to a counsellor to help you to move on.