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Boyfriend addicted to porn and masturbation
My boyfriend and I have two children together, 20 and 19. We weren't together for many years but have gotten back together six years ago. It took me 5 years to figure out his lack of interest in sex was due to a pornography and masturbation addiction. We went 6 weeks without sex at a time. When I asked him about this he said he wanted to see how the relationship would be without sex (he doesn't consult me first?). It wasn't until we got internet that I saw all the porn he was looking at on my computer! I felt like a fool, that it took me that long to figure this out. I thought it was me, or that he was cheating on me, or that he was secretly gay. I went through so much emotion before realizing what the problem was! What really disturbs me is the stuff he looks at (it's illegal!), I've told him to stop looking it up on MY computer, I've attempted to block these sites, I've told him I know when and what sites he goes to but he continues to do it anyway. He also masturbates when we go to bed. It makes me so angry because most of the time it has been days or weeks since we had sex, I get angry and then I can't sleep!
When we do have sex there is no passion! He doesn't kiss me, in fact I get no foreplay at all! He gets himself hard (thinking I don't see him do it) and then wants to shove it in me...DRY! He is over 10" and this is very painful for me. He barely touches me or looks at me while we are having sex. He gets defensive and angry when I try to discuss any of this, is there any chance of saving this relationship? Or am I prolonging the inevitable?
When we do have sex there is no passion! He doesn't kiss me, in fact I get no foreplay at all! He gets himself hard (thinking I don't see him do it) and then wants to shove it in me...DRY! He is over 10" and this is very painful for me. He barely touches me or looks at me while we are having sex. He gets defensive and angry when I try to discuss any of this, is there any chance of saving this relationship? Or am I prolonging the inevitable?
Best Answer
It depends on the fact whether the sexual problems (his preference of porn and solitary masturbation to having sex with you) are a result of other relationship issues (e.g. relationship problems which might have made him decide to stop having sex with you, maybe as a form of "punishment" or other emotional factors) or whether his preference of porn is "only" sexually motivated (i.e. sex is the only problem, in other areas relationship works). I would not call it "addiction" but the real problem is that he prefers masturbation (or sexual stimulation by different kinds of things, not real sex with his partner) and ignores your sexual needs. The probability of saving the relationship depends also and mainly on his motivation to change his sexual patterns.
I am sooo sorry to hear your story, I have the same problem, but he likes to watch gay porn, It totally makes me so sick, that I can not sleep with him anymore!!! I hoped he would change, but he does not do anything about it he acts like there is nothing wrong in this relationship,and it is eating me up Day by day!!! I have become such a strong person because at first I used to get depressed. I have been
dealing with this for three years, and I have found out that there is nothing I can do! I am 43 and he is 48 a lot of my friends say he looks like my dad, he smokes and masturbates soo much that it is killing him.
dealing with this for three years, and I have found out that there is nothing I can do! I am 43 and he is 48 a lot of my friends say he looks like my dad, he smokes and masturbates soo much that it is killing him.
The sex drive of a person can be a dominating force and at times it can be extremely difficult to control. I would say that if your relationship was based on sex initially you should leave. If however you value other aspects of your relationship higher you should make an effort to make this work. During periods of my own life we've not had sex for months. That really does'nt matter cause other things mean more to me. And her. Eventually things have a tendency to work out and you'll be glad you stayed. Think of all the other things you'll miss out on.. Having someone to talk to, to share your up's and downs with... I can't speak for everyone but I do know that the meaning and value of sex varies tremendously from person to person. If it's that important to you then this situation is no good. If other things matter - try to work things out. I must say though, looking up illegal porn sites on the web is a concern. A big one. If child abuse is a factor on these sites I would pull out immidiately and notify the authorities.
I told him 5 days ago that he has to try harder to stop with this behavior or it end our relationship. We have not had sex since then. He also is still attempting to look up porn on my computer (I've found a way to block them but he still tries). Another big issue was him masturbating in bed at night thinking I am asleep. I've told him several times that I AM NOT ASLEEP when he does this and it bothers me immensely, but he continues to do it. Is it that much of a habit that he just can't help it? Or is he basically telling me that he will not stop? I can't deal with it, especially when it has been weeks since we've had sex. I have never had any addictions and am having a hard time relating to this behavior and yet I am trying to be understanding. I don't want the relationship to end and yet I would like him to respect my wishes. Any suggestions????
hi, im afaird to say that maybe you are prolonging the inevitable. i know this does not sound nice but your partner has no interest in you and when he does its for his own pleasure. he is not even bothered about getting you in trouble for using illigal porn sites, this is a relationship ready for doom. do your self a favour and get out while you still can with your dignatiy intacked.
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