Aa
wife doesn't pursue
does anyone have this problem? If I do not initiate sex, I will get nothing. And even with that I am lucky to have sx about 1 time a week. When we have sex, her toes curl so I know I am doing it right so I don't understand. She won't flirt, no nooners, nothing exciting. I am a little overweight so I wonder if that is it. Sometimes I feel I just need to find it other places to give myself some excitment....
SkipNBeat and Lindell are right on target. I am a woman and it's the same with my husband and I. You are not alone. But, you may regret going somewhere else for something that you think you need.
Well boys, my husband is in the same situation as you. I love him but rarely initiate sex, - don't have the drive to initiate for the most part. if he does, I can get interested, but it is not as physical for me somehow- AND if I feel ignored or unappreciated for the rest of the day and then all of a sudden he wants me in the bedroom - well that is hurtful too and doesn't make me feel wanted as anything other than used for the release of his physical tension - it just doesn't make one feel very loved.
My husband is kind, but too matter of fact and the predictable or expected sex got boring...and lack of communication doesn't help either. I don't think you should feel rejected but realize that women can and do feel different than men. I will bet that if you have a nice evening with your wife with some nice comments that show appreciation in other areas it would go a long way.
If my husband made any remarks that made me feel like I was the only one or just told me he felt happy, lucky, proud or anything like that to be with me at the end of a long day, if he arrived home with a flower, a chocolate, nice soap or anything to let me know he had thoughts of me, I would melt. I think it doesn't have to be anything big...if she has looked after kids all day... gosh pour her a nice bubble bath, say you will do the dishes, put the kids to bed or whatever so you can spend some time with her when she is relaxed. Oh yeah, and just because you do something nice don't make it seem like it is prepayment for sex....and hopefully it wont seem vise versa ....all centered around it. Improving in other areas will improve your sex life!
My husband is kind, but too matter of fact and the predictable or expected sex got boring...and lack of communication doesn't help either. I don't think you should feel rejected but realize that women can and do feel different than men. I will bet that if you have a nice evening with your wife with some nice comments that show appreciation in other areas it would go a long way.
If my husband made any remarks that made me feel like I was the only one or just told me he felt happy, lucky, proud or anything like that to be with me at the end of a long day, if he arrived home with a flower, a chocolate, nice soap or anything to let me know he had thoughts of me, I would melt. I think it doesn't have to be anything big...if she has looked after kids all day... gosh pour her a nice bubble bath, say you will do the dishes, put the kids to bed or whatever so you can spend some time with her when she is relaxed. Oh yeah, and just because you do something nice don't make it seem like it is prepayment for sex....and hopefully it wont seem vise versa ....all centered around it. Improving in other areas will improve your sex life!
Thank you for your post. I think I'm married to the exact same type of woman as you are. We've been married for almost 11 years, and I can count on one hand the number of times she's initiated sex. but boy when she does, it's one for the books. I took it as an afront to my manhood, my desirability. I felt unwanted.
I like to flirt, tease, and build on sexual energy. My approach is lost on her. Her getting in the mood has more to do with what you said your wife requires. Whereas I am always in the mood, she is not. We both work full time, have three kids, and she is often tired. She tells me she can get in the mood if I just go about it the right way. Pouting and acting grumpy that I'm not having sex will never get her in the mood. it might get me sex, but I realize I'm just guilting her into it. Whereas I enjoy sex with her as a means to be closer, more connected, the manner in which I have been going about enjoying that connection has been caveman like.
She complains that I seem to lack motivation when it comes to doing things around the house and she does have a point. But I grow frustrated with the kids always messing up things I have just cleaned up. I do all the grocery shopping, cooking, bill paying, and outside work, dog walking, in addition to coaching each of my kids in baseball. She basically does all the laundry, inside housework, and nighttime duties. So we both do stuff, she just complains I don't do enough and that kind of pisses me off a bit.
My only complaint is the lack of sex, and my believing she is making herself unavailable to me. Oh, and I wish she didn't spend money like she does, but we make good money and its not the source of frustration it once was. But in some ways I feel her continuing to do things that irritate me without her doing anything to address the things that bother me (yes the lack of sex and what I perceive as a lack of desire) makes me feel used to some degree.
But if I complain, then she draws back even further. If I don't complain, she thinks all is well, but yet that is not enough to compell her to initiate sex. It just makes her open to the possibility.
So if you're telling me she's probably one that will never initiate it, but will still be an engaged and willing partner so long as she's in the mood, I'll accept things for what they are. Especially since I believe I know understand what it takes to get her in the mood.
thank you again.
I like to flirt, tease, and build on sexual energy. My approach is lost on her. Her getting in the mood has more to do with what you said your wife requires. Whereas I am always in the mood, she is not. We both work full time, have three kids, and she is often tired. She tells me she can get in the mood if I just go about it the right way. Pouting and acting grumpy that I'm not having sex will never get her in the mood. it might get me sex, but I realize I'm just guilting her into it. Whereas I enjoy sex with her as a means to be closer, more connected, the manner in which I have been going about enjoying that connection has been caveman like.
She complains that I seem to lack motivation when it comes to doing things around the house and she does have a point. But I grow frustrated with the kids always messing up things I have just cleaned up. I do all the grocery shopping, cooking, bill paying, and outside work, dog walking, in addition to coaching each of my kids in baseball. She basically does all the laundry, inside housework, and nighttime duties. So we both do stuff, she just complains I don't do enough and that kind of pisses me off a bit.
My only complaint is the lack of sex, and my believing she is making herself unavailable to me. Oh, and I wish she didn't spend money like she does, but we make good money and its not the source of frustration it once was. But in some ways I feel her continuing to do things that irritate me without her doing anything to address the things that bother me (yes the lack of sex and what I perceive as a lack of desire) makes me feel used to some degree.
But if I complain, then she draws back even further. If I don't complain, she thinks all is well, but yet that is not enough to compell her to initiate sex. It just makes her open to the possibility.
So if you're telling me she's probably one that will never initiate it, but will still be an engaged and willing partner so long as she's in the mood, I'll accept things for what they are. Especially since I believe I know understand what it takes to get her in the mood.
thank you again.
SkipNBeat is completely right and this is coming from a woman just like your wives. It has nothing to do with not loving or not being sexually excited by the man you are with. Everyday life gets in the way. Closeness always helps though. Relate more to your women on another level and that may draw them in.
Also, another thought, some women are just brought up to be pursued and never the opposite. I have a friend who finds it unacceptable to initiate sex even with her husband of 13 years.
Good luck and if you figure out another way send a note to my husband..:))
Also, another thought, some women are just brought up to be pursued and never the opposite. I have a friend who finds it unacceptable to initiate sex even with her husband of 13 years.
Good luck and if you figure out another way send a note to my husband..:))
Well I'm a woman and have been married for 10 years and 11 months. My husband has only pursued me a few times. Therefore its not just you guys suffering.
Guys, I've had the same problem, married for 14 years and never any reciprocal initiation by the wife - maybe once a year. Anyways I've just learned something about my partner, I think could be true for your wives as well. It's not that my wife doesn't find me attractive, it's that she doesn't feel the same degree of sex drive as I do. She doesn't ever just think "I want it" the way men do. Her desire comes of a closeness, a good feeling between the two of us. When we're having a good time, and she's happy she'll get relaxed, and yeah, excited when I make advances. She's just built different, and from what I've gathered alot of women are. It doesn't mean they don't desire us and we're no desirable. It means they need different things to get turned on. So, guys, say nice things to your wife, compliment her. tell her how lucky you are to be married to her, tell her she's sexy and desireable. Wash dishes, vaccuum, take out the trash without her asking. Then when you ask her for sex see if that helps. Can't hurt. It's helped me loads. Nothing to be bummed out about. It's just the way some women are and we can accept it and make the best of it or.....what's the other option?
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