i can relate!!! and if i can ever help by just talking to you PLEASE let me!!!
Yes I can relate. I'm 33 and have been suicidal my whole life, had 3 trips to the ER, ICU and the psych unit with the most recent visit in Nov. 08. I quit drinking because that absolutely increased my chances of doing something crazy, to myself or others. I quit smoking a year ago and I continue to eat healthy and work out a lot. I'm basically the picture of health, aside from an unintentional 22 pound weight loss in the last year which can't really be explained aside from the depression and anxiety. As many generations back as I've been able to find on both sides of my family, addiction and mental illness has been rampant, and continues to be to this day. My great-great grandmother committed suicide which I didn't know until just a few years ago. I feel like I was born into this world to teenage parents and a huge uphill battle and the experiences in the course of my life have beat me down to the point that I don't have a personal reason to do this anymore, it's just to save my family the grief. I wish I could give you some words of hope or reassurance but I struggle to find them even for myself. All I know is that you are not alone in feeling this way and my heart goes out to you because I know all too well what this is like. Sending hugs your way.
Hi, thankyou for that, i feel alone alot of the time, i still get suicidal at times when something happens that i feel i can't cope with, i get really suicidal again.
I have been struggling lately but my therapist has been really good and he is trying to make me think of others would feel if i wasn't here but when i am in that frame of mind i don't care about others.
I hate being like this and my moods change alot.
I know what you mean about everything beating you down i feel the same.
What works for you if anything?
Sorry to hear you are struggling too. Take care
Opening up and talking to other people online a lot lately has made me feel less isolated and alone in this. Let me know if you're on Facebook, send me a pm and I'll add you. I'm really into philosophy, particularly eastern philosophy so I look up and post quotes on a regular basis depending on what I am personally struggling with and people respond. It's been pretty reassuring to know that I am offering some hope and perspective to others when I feel so helpless to myself. I'm friends with people who've lost loved one's to suicide and I've lost a couple of friends in the last year and reading stories about others helps me to realize that this is an issue that affects more and more people everyday and we need to talk about it. Check out the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, my friend became a chairperson after her fiance took his life last year. I admire her strength and courage to join in the Out of the Darkness walk to raise awareness and help those who have lost someone like she has. I know how crushing life can feel and I have the impulse to hit the eject button so to speak. But I remember doctors saving my life, people who opened up to me in the psych unit, at AA and NA meetings (even though I never got into the "program") and perfect strangers who have been affected by me and my experience and I think, this has all happened for a reason. You have children so you have a definite purpose, they need you and you need them. My mom, remar on here, has always struggled with anxiety and depression and it was difficult growing up not knowing if she was okay, especially since I have an alcoholic father. Despite all of our issues, we truly need each other and their world would be destroyed if I took myself out. I'm not the normal person, but watching documentaries and reading books takes me out of my own head when I'm having repetitive thoughts and I prefer to watch things that remind me that there are others dealing with different kinds of devastating issues and it gives me hope that I can overcome the dark cloud and just let the wind take it away sometimes. I try to focus on work, I force myself to quit obsessing about the past and if I can't help but think about it, I pick it apart thoughtfully and think about why I made the choices I made or ended up where I am so I can learn and move on without making that mistake again. Being on here has helped me tremendously. Try to reach out when you feel alone, you'd be surprised who is feeling the same way and hoping that someone else will reach out to them. This is the perfect forum for that. Some days are much worse than others for me and some days are okay and even good, but I never forget where I came from and what I've been through and to make it this far means we are survivors. I quit thinking of myself as just a victim a long time ago, I am a human being first and I have every right to feel angry, upset and hurt when it's appropriate but it's harder for me to learn how to feel happy, content, at peace or proud when it's appropriate so I'm working on that. We gotta remember to give ourselves some credit. Please feel free to read through my journals. You'll see that I am up and down and all over the place and maybe, hopefully you'll see that you have more in common with others, just like I do, than we think! You take care too and we'll stay in touch!