Teen Mental Health Issues Community
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Avatar universal

Teenage girl in serious need of guidance, what should I do?

So I am going to tell everyone on here everything since my identity is unidentifiable. Please read and listen to my story and give me you're honest opinions and advice.
So I now live alone with my dad because my mother left me, my brother, and my dad when i was around 1 or 2. I have always been a pretty good kid my dad is a good dad he gave us everything we wanted, me and my brother both are amazing hockey player (I'm not just saying that to brag) and my family is a good family, but there was always something missing to me, so i would rebel from time to time like any kid does.
As I got older around 15-17 thats when things started to change.  My brother hung out with the wrong crowd and he started to do a lot of drugs and steal from home. From time to time over the year i would watch him get kicked out living in building staircases and police bringing him home. I would watch him get beat up from my dad almost on a daily basis. I watched him drop out of school, and ruin his life. When he was 17 thats when he left for good and we have never heard from him since, i don't know where he is or what he is doing right now. For all I know he could be dead. This really ****** me up  over the past two years because I love my brother thats my best friend.
I know it messed up my whole family but they moved on and got over it, it really messed up my dad for a while and he learned to put on a happy face and go about his day for me because there was only us 2 left. Something about this really stuck with me. So about last year grade 10 I started to hang with the wrong crowd and they changed me, I mean,  I wasn't totally bad, I still get good grades, I work at burger king and I do everything that I am told to do.  But, from time to time i will go out to party's and do drugs and get totally waisted, it is peer pressure i guess, but a part of me does not care at all.  I came home black out drunk throwing up everywhere not knowing what happened the night before 2 times and I know that I could have died but i do it anyways, I have never seen m dad so angry or so hurt before and I told him I would change but i didn't.
So a couple of days ago, I told him I was going out to the movies and I would be home by 10:00pm. I went out with a couple of friends and got so wasted that I couldn't move, I wouldn't wake up. They carried me home at 1:00am and I wouldn't stop throwing up. The next day my dad was so angry with me he beat me so bad I thought he was going to kill me i have so many bruises and black eyes. He keeps yelling at me like crazy and I'm scared to say in the house anymore. He keeps telling me to leave and I know that I probably will make these stupid mistakes again and I don't want to put him through this anymore. But i also know that it would kill him if I leave because I am all he has left.
3 Responses
18601554 tn?1467203337
Please take care of YOU and know that you have been through a lot. It sounds like you have been in an abusive environment that is toxic for your physical and mental health. This is a difficult time that will not last. If you feel as physically threatened as you state you are, please seek refuge- is there a friends house you can stay at while still working at Burger King? Other relatives that can take you in just for a short while? Take out loans and plan to go away to college? There is always a safer option to take.

Financial independence is very important as it gives you complete freedom to leave. But I must ask, what is the ideal living situation you see happening in several years? Separate from that, what situations or activities make you happy, where you feel safe and encouraged?

It sounds like you love your family and want what is best for your brother and dad, but do not want to be treated this way?

I hope you consider these things, I grew up in a difficult place physically/mentally and am just now finding a way out- It took distancing myself from family as much as I still love them. I am 23 years old, and fighting my way through college was the best decision as it gave me options to meet others that can help, and find new solutions to make life better. Best of luck.
Avatar universal
Hi I understand what you are going through. I have a very small family with just me and my mom. My dad is not really there even though I sometimes have his support. I am sorry to hear about your mom leaving you. You should know that it is not your fault and you did nothing wrong. It does not mean that your mom didn't love you but sometimes the responsibility of having a kid can be to much for some people to bare. You and your brother may have an underlying issue with that and would suggest you speak to a good school counselor or a grown up. That also may be the reason why you and your brother have peer pressure issues. My uncle's mom had a terrible mother and he had a hard time feeling accepted. He was a great,smart and love able man. Unfortunately he cared to much about what other people thought of him and wanted to please everyone.
He met a girl who did drugs and they shared the same needle. He caught HIV and died. This was in the eighties so nobody really knew what to do.

Unfortunately, I believe you are in to deep with these drug and alcohol issues. You need to go to a good rehab center or support group instead of hanging out with people who are suppose to be your friends. They are not your friends if they promote this. One day you will understand what true friendship means and realize that what they think means absolutely nothinging!

The best way to leave a bad crowd is to end it immediately! Cut yourself off from them. They may try to harass you but don't let them. Be superior and realize that you are a smart girl with tons of potential and don't want to ruin the rest of your life. I also would suggest switching schools as soon as possible.

Also can you talk to your dad about your brother? All my mom had was her dad and her brother. When her brother started using drugs her father told him he had to leave if he didn't stop taking the drugs. He went through withdrawl and went back on the drugs. He was so bad that my moms dad had to kick him out.

I know you feel terrible about your brother. But he made this choice. Do not go down the rabbit whole with him! I am sure he would not want that for you. You need to be strong for your dad. You both need each other's support. Also find some friends that really are friends. You should also do some hobbies. If you like reading books you can join a book club and make some friends. Or if you like acting you could join an acting class. Or go to church and make friends who will help you.

I am confident if you stop being around your so called friends,join a support group, get involved in fun activities, and talk to a someone about your addiction
to drugs and alcohol thing will get much better. Please contact me whenever you wish and remember to be strong independent woman.
Avatar universal
Your dad reminds me of my dad.  Some parents have a bad way of showing love, why?  Well you will have to tell me.  I know my dad was literally a *******.  I'm really sorry about your brother.  I can see you still love your dad, that's good, phew!  Take control of your situation in a way that you feel is best for you.  Think about it.  When you figure things out you will be more than okay. :-)
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