Aa
I think I got my 17 year old cousin pregnant
I dont know how to say it any other way, but Im a 24 year old guy and over last christmas break I was spending alot of time hanging out around my 17 year old first cousin who had just turned 17, who is a junior in high school and very cute and she had been having problems with her longtime boyfriend at the time; in any event, we ended up making out at first, and eventually having unprotected sex several times over one week and now i just found out she's pregnant.
Neither she nor I ever told anybody about our relationship, and although we've kept in touch since then, I think that the family is assuming it is her boyfriends. The problem is that she had not had sex at all until she did with me, and even though she initially came on to me and I should have tried harder to resist and turn her down, I didnt and now she's pregnant. I dont know if she and her boyfriend became sexually active afterwards or not, but she was raised by very religious parents who were strictly against pre-marital sex, and she is a very active christian herself, so its hard to say.
Look, I know I messed up, but Im willing to do what's right, if I could find someplace that allows 17 year olds to marry their older first cousins, which I think is something that would be important to her, even though Im not exactly a devout christian Im very open minded and willing to do the right thing - if I just knew what that was!. Ive recently been admitted to Dental school this upcoming fall, and I am truly absolutely willing to own up and face the consequences, and either marry my cousin if thats what she wants or let her come live with me and let me help support her and the baby, as I could get a part time job to make extra money while Im in school.
I just dont know what to do about this or how to go about it! when she and I visited about it briefly on facebook chat she's at a total loss for what to do and is looking to me for guidance and support. Since she is such a devout christian cannot imagine that she would contemplate an abortion, but if she did that would be her decision and I would support her, but Im not going to suggest it to her unless she brings it up first. Although she hasnt said anything about marriage yet, Im pretty sure she wants to be married before having a child, and I suspect she'd say yes if I decided to ask her, although under the circumstances its hard to say. I know its going to be hard on our families anyway around it, but Id rather try to man up to my mistake than either be another absentee father who just sends a child support check or let some other guy take the blame.
Neither she nor I ever told anybody about our relationship, and although we've kept in touch since then, I think that the family is assuming it is her boyfriends. The problem is that she had not had sex at all until she did with me, and even though she initially came on to me and I should have tried harder to resist and turn her down, I didnt and now she's pregnant. I dont know if she and her boyfriend became sexually active afterwards or not, but she was raised by very religious parents who were strictly against pre-marital sex, and she is a very active christian herself, so its hard to say.
Look, I know I messed up, but Im willing to do what's right, if I could find someplace that allows 17 year olds to marry their older first cousins, which I think is something that would be important to her, even though Im not exactly a devout christian Im very open minded and willing to do the right thing - if I just knew what that was!. Ive recently been admitted to Dental school this upcoming fall, and I am truly absolutely willing to own up and face the consequences, and either marry my cousin if thats what she wants or let her come live with me and let me help support her and the baby, as I could get a part time job to make extra money while Im in school.
I just dont know what to do about this or how to go about it! when she and I visited about it briefly on facebook chat she's at a total loss for what to do and is looking to me for guidance and support. Since she is such a devout christian cannot imagine that she would contemplate an abortion, but if she did that would be her decision and I would support her, but Im not going to suggest it to her unless she brings it up first. Although she hasnt said anything about marriage yet, Im pretty sure she wants to be married before having a child, and I suspect she'd say yes if I decided to ask her, although under the circumstances its hard to say. I know its going to be hard on our families anyway around it, but Id rather try to man up to my mistake than either be another absentee father who just sends a child support check or let some other guy take the blame.
It's always a good idea to try to minimize all of the risks that we can and we have control over who we marry and procreate with. If there is a higher chance for birth defects from consanguineous couples, then they really should avoid having children together. As seen by the academic, peer reviewed article I posted above, there is a higher chance for birth defects from inbreeding. Why take the risk, when you can easily avoid it? It's just easier and safer, to marry someone you are not related to. Not only do they risk birth defects, but they also risk having their child be ridiculed since marrying and having children with your cousin is not the social norm. We are moving as a society away from inbreeding because we've seen how beneficial it is to have genetic diversity. If you look at genetics and evolution, all species want thriving offspring and will look for a mate who has genetics that we ourselves lack in order to have healthier, more productive offspring. It doesn't matter what people of the past did, we don't live in the past. We do learn from the past and we move forward with that knowledge. The other countries, especially ones that have a larger population of inbreeding, have much higher rates of birth defects. I can find that article for you as well, if you would like the link. This is why the US, has moved away from having people marry their cousins and have banned it. We've learned that it is better to be more genetically diverse.
Do you know what I just don't buy it. Why is it okay in the the rest of the world, who's cultures go back for centuries, for marriage to first cousins be okay yet nearly 1/2 of America's states has to be different than everyone else and say it is wrong and incestuous? You can bet the first nations cultures of America married their cousins.
As for genetics, having has my own child go through so much genetic testing over that last few years I know more statistics related to genetics than I care to even think about and to say cousins have a high risk of having a baby with genetic defects is just not true, maybe a minuscule higher than the general population, but then lots of couple have slightly higher risks of genetic dissorders for all sorts of reasons, e.g. age, other family member with genetic disorder...the list goes on, do we tell other couples who have a slightly higher than normal risk they shouldn't have children..no we don't.
I say again, if a relationship between cousins is consenting and each person is of a legal age I don't see the big deal.
Rellyrell, I am sorry that happened to you, rape is a terrible thing and is wrong no matter who did it, it must have been so very hard for you and your family to know a family member did this to you.
As for genetics, having has my own child go through so much genetic testing over that last few years I know more statistics related to genetics than I care to even think about and to say cousins have a high risk of having a baby with genetic defects is just not true, maybe a minuscule higher than the general population, but then lots of couple have slightly higher risks of genetic dissorders for all sorts of reasons, e.g. age, other family member with genetic disorder...the list goes on, do we tell other couples who have a slightly higher than normal risk they shouldn't have children..no we don't.
I say again, if a relationship between cousins is consenting and each person is of a legal age I don't see the big deal.
Rellyrell, I am sorry that happened to you, rape is a terrible thing and is wrong no matter who did it, it must have been so very hard for you and your family to know a family member did this to you.
A lot of information on the web is completely skewed and incorrect. The website "cousincouples.com" is not a reliable, factual website. Anyone can post on there. The chances of having birth defects from related parents, such as cousins, is not significantly higher than more distantly related couples, but it's still a higher chance and no one should be risking that for their innocent child(ren). If one of them has a (recessive) genetic condition, then both of them(the parents) will have that and will pass it on to the child, because there is no genetic diversity. Had they created a child with a non-related person, that genetic condition would not be passed on and could only stay with that generation that already has it. There is a reason why people do not want others marrying and creating children with their relatives. Here is a peer reviewed article about birth defect risks for cousin marriages(inbreeding): http://xerxes.calstate.edu.lib-proxy.fullerton.edu/fullerton/metasearch/record?group=2011-04-05-009746&resultSet=094445&startRecord=1 ... "The risk for birth defects in the offspring of first-cousin matings has been estimated to increase sharply compared to non consanguineous marriages. The frequency of the malformations recorded paralleled the degree of consanguinity: out of 89 malformed children, 51 were seen in first-cousins mating (10.3 times more frequent than in offspring of non consanguineous couples), 17 in second-cousins marriages and 18 in more distant relatives mating." There is a risk for birth defects with cousins who choose to procreate.
Thank you so much for posting this factual info, some people on this forum gets a kick out of putting others down. This should open lots of people eyes not that ancestry is cool but it is happening...
Thx alot and this is coming from me someone who was raped by their first cousin...
Thx alot and this is coming from me someone who was raped by their first cousin...
Facts About Cousin Marriage
Some people are fixated on the fallacy that cousin couples pose an intolerable risk to their offspring. However it is likely that we are all descendants of cousin marriages. Before civil laws banning cousin marriages, it was preferable to marry a cousin in some communities as it is to this day in many countries. The notion "why marry a stranger" is just as prevalent in many countries as the cousin marriage taboo in America today. There are a wide range of opinions on the subject of cousin marriages. This is fuelled by erroneous information, bigotry, and presumptions. Further we have civil laws and religious creeds based on obsolete information.
The facts about cousin marriages are much clearer.
Fears of cousins who marry having children with birth defects are exaggerated. Simply marrying within your own race increases the odds of birth defects. Marrying within your own town further increases your chances. Cousin couples have only a slightly higher incidence of birth defects than non-related couples.
26 states allow first cousin marriages; most people can marry their cousin in the US.
US prohibitions against cousin marriages predate modern genetics.
No European country prohibits marriage between first cousins. It is also legal throughout Canada and Mexico to marry your cousin. The U.S. is the only western country with cousin marriage restrictions.
Children of non-related couples have a 2-3% risk of birth defects, as opposed to first cousins having a 4-6% risk. Genetic counseling is available for those couples that may be at a special risk for birth defects (e.g. You have a defect that runs in your family) In plain terms first cousins have at a 94 percent + chance of having healthy children. Check the links section for more information on genetic counselors. The National Society of Genetic Counselors estimated the increased risk for first cousins is between 1.7 to 2.8 percent, or about the same a any woman over 40 years of age. Source: external link
Second cousins have little, if any increased chance of having children with birth defects, per the book "Clinical Genetics Handbook"
The frequency of cousin marriages in the USA is about 1 in 1,000. The frequency of cousin marriages in Japan is about 4 in 1,000
It is estimated that 20 percent of all couples worldwide are first cousins. It is also estimated that 80 percent of all marriages historically have been between first cousins!
In some cultures, the term cousin and mate are synonymous.
Albert Einstein married his first cousin. And so did Charles Darwin, who had exceptional children.
Franklin D. Roosevelt, the longest serving US president in history married his cousin (not a first cousin, however they shared the same last name).
Leviticus 18 lists all forbidden sexual relationships. Cousin relationships are not included.
God commanded many cousins to marry, including Zelophehad's 5 daughters, Eleazar's daughters, Jacob (who married both Rachel and Leah, first cousins), and Isaac and Rebekkah (first cousins once removed)
It is likely that Joseph and Mary -- Christ's earthly parents were first cousins.
Current studies indicate that cousin couples have a lower ratio of miscarriages -- perhaps because body chemistry of cousins is more similar. The verdict is still out.
We are all cousins. No two people are more distantly related than 50th cousins.
Some people are fixated on the fallacy that cousin couples pose an intolerable risk to their offspring. However it is likely that we are all descendants of cousin marriages. Before civil laws banning cousin marriages, it was preferable to marry a cousin in some communities as it is to this day in many countries. The notion "why marry a stranger" is just as prevalent in many countries as the cousin marriage taboo in America today. There are a wide range of opinions on the subject of cousin marriages. This is fuelled by erroneous information, bigotry, and presumptions. Further we have civil laws and religious creeds based on obsolete information.
The facts about cousin marriages are much clearer.
Fears of cousins who marry having children with birth defects are exaggerated. Simply marrying within your own race increases the odds of birth defects. Marrying within your own town further increases your chances. Cousin couples have only a slightly higher incidence of birth defects than non-related couples.
26 states allow first cousin marriages; most people can marry their cousin in the US.
US prohibitions against cousin marriages predate modern genetics.
No European country prohibits marriage between first cousins. It is also legal throughout Canada and Mexico to marry your cousin. The U.S. is the only western country with cousin marriage restrictions.
Children of non-related couples have a 2-3% risk of birth defects, as opposed to first cousins having a 4-6% risk. Genetic counseling is available for those couples that may be at a special risk for birth defects (e.g. You have a defect that runs in your family) In plain terms first cousins have at a 94 percent + chance of having healthy children. Check the links section for more information on genetic counselors. The National Society of Genetic Counselors estimated the increased risk for first cousins is between 1.7 to 2.8 percent, or about the same a any woman over 40 years of age. Source: external link
Second cousins have little, if any increased chance of having children with birth defects, per the book "Clinical Genetics Handbook"
The frequency of cousin marriages in the USA is about 1 in 1,000. The frequency of cousin marriages in Japan is about 4 in 1,000
It is estimated that 20 percent of all couples worldwide are first cousins. It is also estimated that 80 percent of all marriages historically have been between first cousins!
In some cultures, the term cousin and mate are synonymous.
Albert Einstein married his first cousin. And so did Charles Darwin, who had exceptional children.
Franklin D. Roosevelt, the longest serving US president in history married his cousin (not a first cousin, however they shared the same last name).
Leviticus 18 lists all forbidden sexual relationships. Cousin relationships are not included.
God commanded many cousins to marry, including Zelophehad's 5 daughters, Eleazar's daughters, Jacob (who married both Rachel and Leah, first cousins), and Isaac and Rebekkah (first cousins once removed)
It is likely that Joseph and Mary -- Christ's earthly parents were first cousins.
Current studies indicate that cousin couples have a lower ratio of miscarriages -- perhaps because body chemistry of cousins is more similar. The verdict is still out.
We are all cousins. No two people are more distantly related than 50th cousins.
Well one thing I've noticed is everyone says he's trying to do the right thing and take care of his baby, but he doesn't even know if it is his. He's taking her word that it is, but she also had a boyfriend at the time and we don't know if she was sleeping with anyone else.
Another thing I don't understand either is why she can't go to school. She did when she lived with her family, so why should that change now. There's NO excuse why she should skip or drop out. Bottom line is you're being soft. She's doing all this stuff because you're basking in it. If you two marry, you're stuck and who says she has to do anything then. Cleaning doesn't pay for bills and it doesn't help you survive. Someone said it earlier and I have to agree. You love the attention and feeling this is giving. You both are living in a fantasy land and you need to come back to reality.
As for defects, no one can say this child won't have them. Fact is the chances are higher if it is your baby. Is it by much? No, but theyre still there.
Another thing I don't understand either is why she can't go to school. She did when she lived with her family, so why should that change now. There's NO excuse why she should skip or drop out. Bottom line is you're being soft. She's doing all this stuff because you're basking in it. If you two marry, you're stuck and who says she has to do anything then. Cleaning doesn't pay for bills and it doesn't help you survive. Someone said it earlier and I have to agree. You love the attention and feeling this is giving. You both are living in a fantasy land and you need to come back to reality.
As for defects, no one can say this child won't have them. Fact is the chances are higher if it is your baby. Is it by much? No, but theyre still there.
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