How can I best help my hypothyroid wife?

[Greowulf]

My wife was recently diagnosed with hypothyroidism.  This explains a lot.  She has never suffered from weight problems, but has often suffered from (undiagnosed) depression, anger, mood swings, and low libido for years.  Needless to say, this has wreaked havoc in our relationship for years, and I finally convinced her to try couples therapy last year.  Last month, during a recent routine exam, the bloodwork came back as low thyroid hormones (don't ask me the lab results, she doesn't know and doesn't care to share anything about her treatment with me).

Now, this was a relief on some level, because it gave a reason for the lack of affection and outright anger directed at me.  But now our relationship has gone in the toilet, even compared to before.  She ignores me when I'm home, except for criticism and the occasional scheduling for the kids (with whom she is plenty affectionate).  I haven't had so much as a kiss in weeks, and one hug in the last month.  

I have tried telling her that I love her, I would like to understand what is going on, and I am anxious to help support her getting treatment so she can feel like her old self again.  She just tells me she will handle it, doesn't want my help, and doesn't want me involved in her treatment at all.  She has gone off her meds, and is not in any hurry to see a doctor again.

I don't know how much longer I can just keep taking the abuse with no attempt to make things better.  I want to be supportive, and I love her dearly, but it's really not good for my kids to see her berate me and treat me like **** all the time while I just take it.  I guess my question is, how can I support my wife but not give up my self and my basic need for respect, love and affection?  

Thanks,
Wulf

[goolarra]

It's not unusual for symptoms to worsen a bit on starting meds.  Thyroid meds are not like an antibiotic that has an immediate effect, rather they have to build in your blood for 4-6 weeks before reaching their full potential.  After that, you have to retest and re-evaluate symptoms to see if a dose change is in order...it usually is.  In the process, your body is having to rebalance hormones, and sometimes that means you actually become more hypo until you get closer to a therapeutic dose.  It takes time and patience, but starting at too high a dose can send you right to the other side and make you hyper.  

So, did the endo suggest meds?  What was his advice?

[goolarra]

I'm sorry this has put such a strain on your relationship.

You mentioned trying couples therapy.  Did that help?  Are you still doing it?

How long was she on thyroid meds?  What was she taking?  What was the dose?  Did you see any improvement in her symptoms while she was on it?

[cmropen]

Yes, great suggestion. Or even finding a support group just for spouses so you can talk it out with others who "get" what you're going through? There's a blog out there called Hypothyroid Mom. She's writes a lot about how hypo affects marriages and tips for coping.

[Greowulf]

She was taking a generic version of Synthroid.  No improvement--if anythign, symptoms got worse.  She finally managed to get into an actual endo, and found out it is Hashimotos.

I haven't been able to find a support group for spouses.  I've looked everywhere, and tried commenting on a couple threads from Hypothyroid Mom to see if anyone knew of any.  Those comments don't seem to have made it through moderation though. :-(  Still pretty lost.