Aa
help for me and my hashi spouse
Hi
My wife was recently diagnosed with Hashimoto's and started taking medication. While I'm no perfect person or parent, and I've been trying to be encouraging now that she's finally been diagnosed (not her fault; her old family physician never tested for it), the abuse that I take and my four year old son are taking is just unbearable. There were some moments when she became a little nicer recently, but she grabs my sons ear and has hit him at least 6 times since he was three. Once she screamed that "he should apologize to me" after she hit him. She screams at my son all the time, and my son has more and more behavior issues at pre-K. My psyche is squashed flat, and the only reason I stick around is to protect my son and pay the rent. I'm trying to be respectful of people struggling with a disease, but sheer violence of the consequences that thyroid issues seem to inflict on family members is just unbearable.
What can spouses do to protect themselves from people with thyroid disease? Even if you're sick you're responsible for your hands and your words under the law.
My wife was recently diagnosed with Hashimoto's and started taking medication. While I'm no perfect person or parent, and I've been trying to be encouraging now that she's finally been diagnosed (not her fault; her old family physician never tested for it), the abuse that I take and my four year old son are taking is just unbearable. There were some moments when she became a little nicer recently, but she grabs my sons ear and has hit him at least 6 times since he was three. Once she screamed that "he should apologize to me" after she hit him. She screams at my son all the time, and my son has more and more behavior issues at pre-K. My psyche is squashed flat, and the only reason I stick around is to protect my son and pay the rent. I'm trying to be respectful of people struggling with a disease, but sheer violence of the consequences that thyroid issues seem to inflict on family members is just unbearable.
What can spouses do to protect themselves from people with thyroid disease? Even if you're sick you're responsible for your hands and your words under the law.
Thanks, all
Nobody, least of all me, wants to see a family torn apart. What's particularly awful is, and perhaps you all can enlighten me, is how the moods come on. Not to be callous, but it's like being around a drunk. Love you, hug the kids, warm and fuzzy and as wonderful a mother as ever and then "snap!!!": outburst of fear, verbal rage, crying for (comparatively trivial or no) reason. paranoia about crazy stuff, and a handful of times, hitting me or the kids.
Nobody, least of all me, wants to see a family torn apart. What's particularly awful is, and perhaps you all can enlighten me, is how the moods come on. Not to be callous, but it's like being around a drunk. Love you, hug the kids, warm and fuzzy and as wonderful a mother as ever and then "snap!!!": outburst of fear, verbal rage, crying for (comparatively trivial or no) reason. paranoia about crazy stuff, and a handful of times, hitting me or the kids.
I just recently read an article that a deficiency in Niacin can cause violent behavior.
Just reporting what I read. may be worth checking out and would be an easy solution if that is the case or at least a contributing factor!
While my wife when Hypo gets grouchy and generally can be a pain. (but that is not the sole domain of hypo land either. I'm sure I get groucy and a pain too and I'm not Hypo) She does not get abusive. Maybe not nice and times when you might not want to be around her for awhile kind of thing. But not abusive.
A person has to WANT to get well in order to even have a chance to get well. To at least take the steps towards getting well such as taking medication.
Just reporting what I read. may be worth checking out and would be an easy solution if that is the case or at least a contributing factor!
While my wife when Hypo gets grouchy and generally can be a pain. (but that is not the sole domain of hypo land either. I'm sure I get groucy and a pain too and I'm not Hypo) She does not get abusive. Maybe not nice and times when you might not want to be around her for awhile kind of thing. But not abusive.
A person has to WANT to get well in order to even have a chance to get well. To at least take the steps towards getting well such as taking medication.
COMMUNITY LEADER
At the risk of turning this into whether or not you should stay with your wife, I have to say, that I, too, am very old fashioned and the 46 yrs my husband and I have been together would attest to the fact that I believe in "till death do us part"... that said, I do not believe in it, to the extent that one person suffers at the hands of another, or that children are abused. As their father, you have the responsibility to remove them from harm's way, whatever that harm might be.
She's a grown woman and if she chooses to stop taking her med, that's her option. Sometimes, people have to hit rock bottom, before they can pull themselves up and move on.
Somehow, I'm getting the feeling that this woman doesn't want "me time"; she's simply abusive. While I can understand that she might have learned this in her childhood, I can't condone the fact that she perpetuates it. I came from one of the most dysfunctional families you could imagine, but I would never treat people that way... I went overboard to make sure I didn't treat my children the way I was treated..
She's a grown woman and if she chooses to stop taking her med, that's her option. Sometimes, people have to hit rock bottom, before they can pull themselves up and move on.
Somehow, I'm getting the feeling that this woman doesn't want "me time"; she's simply abusive. While I can understand that she might have learned this in her childhood, I can't condone the fact that she perpetuates it. I came from one of the most dysfunctional families you could imagine, but I would never treat people that way... I went overboard to make sure I didn't treat my children the way I was treated..
I'm with Barb in saying that its possible that the bulk of this personality disorder rests on how your wife was brought up. This means that you're own children are at risk for turning into their mother with the way things are going, even if she's nicer to your daughter.
But I'm also stubborn and old fashion. "In sickness and in health." A promise is a promise. That's why, while you should keep you and your children's best interests in mind, I think you should still stick it out. Let her know that you care about her and her health, and as such, would like to know her progress. Her thyroid condition may not entirely be to blame, but she may behave a little better if she's in good health. She may act like she would rather you all be gone, but I'm fairly certain that if you did, if insurance weren't a problem, she'd stop taking her meds. If she doesn't get arrested due to her behavior, she'll just eventually lose her job and her house, and not care because, yeah. It's a dark place to go, that's why I take mine. There's a lot more that goes on psychologically rather than just physical health.
I still believe that "me time" may do wonders. Does your wife have any friends? Is there a way that she could go to the mall or a movie with them? Away from you and the kids? My mother would go on vacation with her friends. Not sure if that's an option for you guys though.
Also, she doesn't need friends to have fun. She can still do all these activities by herself. Or, you could take the kids to a movie while she rests at home. That's probably the better choice. An hour or two at a park or playground. That's free. Not sure what the weather is like, but another option is having her walk around the neighborhood. She gets a little exercise, a little vitamin D, and she's by herself.
But I'm also stubborn and old fashion. "In sickness and in health." A promise is a promise. That's why, while you should keep you and your children's best interests in mind, I think you should still stick it out. Let her know that you care about her and her health, and as such, would like to know her progress. Her thyroid condition may not entirely be to blame, but she may behave a little better if she's in good health. She may act like she would rather you all be gone, but I'm fairly certain that if you did, if insurance weren't a problem, she'd stop taking her meds. If she doesn't get arrested due to her behavior, she'll just eventually lose her job and her house, and not care because, yeah. It's a dark place to go, that's why I take mine. There's a lot more that goes on psychologically rather than just physical health.
I still believe that "me time" may do wonders. Does your wife have any friends? Is there a way that she could go to the mall or a movie with them? Away from you and the kids? My mother would go on vacation with her friends. Not sure if that's an option for you guys though.
Also, she doesn't need friends to have fun. She can still do all these activities by herself. Or, you could take the kids to a movie while she rests at home. That's probably the better choice. An hour or two at a park or playground. That's free. Not sure what the weather is like, but another option is having her walk around the neighborhood. She gets a little exercise, a little vitamin D, and she's by herself.
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree that the majority of thyroid sufferers are not like your wife. If that's what she's telling you, she's merely using it as an excuse.
Hyperthyroidism is a bit different from hypo, and does truly have more personality changing characteristics. Your wife is exhibiting behavior that she was exposed to, as a child.
I didn't really think you'd want to have a date night, but that goes right along with making sure your wife has "me" time, so thought I'd throw it in there.
Of course, I can't tell you what to do either, but I agree with Stuffie that sometimes, we just have to take the bull by the horns and do what we have to do... While it might seem impossible for you to raise 2 small children, with no living family to help you, it's not. I assume that they are in daycare, etc, so that wouldn't change.
My mother always said "it's best to raise kids with one happy parent, than 2 parents that are unhappy and fighting all the time"...
Hyperthyroidism is a bit different from hypo, and does truly have more personality changing characteristics. Your wife is exhibiting behavior that she was exposed to, as a child.
I didn't really think you'd want to have a date night, but that goes right along with making sure your wife has "me" time, so thought I'd throw it in there.
Of course, I can't tell you what to do either, but I agree with Stuffie that sometimes, we just have to take the bull by the horns and do what we have to do... While it might seem impossible for you to raise 2 small children, with no living family to help you, it's not. I assume that they are in daycare, etc, so that wouldn't change.
My mother always said "it's best to raise kids with one happy parent, than 2 parents that are unhappy and fighting all the time"...
As a "thyroid sufferer" I still have to completely agree with Barb, we are not like that. To add some light to the subject I think we were to tired to even gripe!
At some point in most of our lives some of us have to walk away from what seems like impossible. I am not telling you that is what you have to do since I am just a stranger on the internet.
It is a hard decision to give up everything we worked for and try to make ends meet with what we have at that time. Support or no support.
BTW After I return from the bus stop the house is always messy! Number one priority is getting my daughter ready and off to school happy.
Do what is best for you and the kids and pick up the pieces later.
The situation sounds horrible.
At some point in most of our lives some of us have to walk away from what seems like impossible. I am not telling you that is what you have to do since I am just a stranger on the internet.
It is a hard decision to give up everything we worked for and try to make ends meet with what we have at that time. Support or no support.
BTW After I return from the bus stop the house is always messy! Number one priority is getting my daughter ready and off to school happy.
Do what is best for you and the kids and pick up the pieces later.
The situation sounds horrible.
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