Aa
TBI
My husband got into a motorcycle accident last year we have been through alot he still cannot walk and his speech is impaired my question is he can go from laughing to abusive in a matter of seconds is this ususal for someone that has a TBI
My son had TBI 5 years ago. The violence was explained to us in the beginning as part of him coming out of the coma. Five years later we are still dealing with it and he has gotten much worse. I did speak to his physican rehabilitation doctor about it and even called her to when he wasn't around to speak to her because I was afraid to say anything in front of him due to his actions that would occur afterwards. We were directed to another doctor for help. It did help some it took almost 3 years to get him on some medications to help with his major mood swings. He still has them terribly.
We are always on eggshells not knowing what may set him off. A light can be turned on and he will go off. He has actually gone after me and he is much larger than I am and the police were called. This is not a place my son needed to go he needed medical help. We struggle with this on a daily basis. I speak to therapist and doctors etc. They say they understand and yet it doesn't get any easier living with him. He has busted my home up, he has pulled a knife on his younger brother and threatened to kill him.
Please speak to the doctor. You would much prefer him receive help from a medical professional that is familiar with this behavior from a TBI survivor than the police and take a chance on him getting injured again. I would love to speak to you more you may email me at ***@****
We are always on eggshells not knowing what may set him off. A light can be turned on and he will go off. He has actually gone after me and he is much larger than I am and the police were called. This is not a place my son needed to go he needed medical help. We struggle with this on a daily basis. I speak to therapist and doctors etc. They say they understand and yet it doesn't get any easier living with him. He has busted my home up, he has pulled a knife on his younger brother and threatened to kill him.
Please speak to the doctor. You would much prefer him receive help from a medical professional that is familiar with this behavior from a TBI survivor than the police and take a chance on him getting injured again. I would love to speak to you more you may email me at ***@****
I find it interesting reading your replies. I don't feel so alone and small. My husband and I have been together for 18-years and married for 12. Two years ago, we were in a motorcycle accident. My husband "Drew" was driving while I rode on back. We both we wearing helmets, but by time the truck pulled out in front of us, it was too late. Drew nearly died. After three months of slowly emerging from a coma, he relearned how to walk, talk, eat, everything. The TBI, though, has robbed me of the man I married, as my TBI has robbed him of the woman he married. I cry thinking of how hard it is for him to figure things out at times while I know it frustrates him how I have become this weepy, agoraphobic woman. I love him so much, my heart aches.
His rage started shortly after his release from the hospital. Several cuss words in a row directed at me and many pounding fists on the dashboard of the car. The episode came on without warning. Over these past two years, I can't count the number of times I had to barricade myself in my bedroom, fearing for my life. His therapist was well aware of what was happening. Her solution was medication and for me to get a thicker skin. I love my husband dearly and that is why I endured his rage alone. Then one day, his rage became directed at my parents. Again, without warning. He later apologized, but downplayed the episode. I really believe he has no idea how long his rage continued for several hours. His best friend also experienced one of his explosive rage episodes, but yet Drew doesn't recall. Then, one morning, Drew's rage escalated. He wanted me dead and threatened to shoot me if he could get to his guns. "You are so lucky, B*tch that I can't get to my guns, because I swear to God I would shoot your head off and then blast mine! You have been nothing but a disappointment for the last two years! You're so f@ck*ng screwed up in the head and I'm sick of your s&it!" In the past, he would yell hurtful words at me and come at me as if he wanted to hit me, but this was the first time he had said he was going to kill me. Now, looking back, he had threatened to take a circular saw to my head a week prior (which he claims he was only kidding) and he said he was going to kill my dog two days earlier (which he apologized for and said he didn't mean it).
Please, before you judge me for leaving, this was a man I trusted. We would argue prior to the accident, but I never feared for my life. Imagine your spouse, whom you love and trust. Then picture him/her threatening to shoot you and speak of it as if it would be the best thing to have happened to him since the accident. It crushed me emotionally and physically.
Locked inside my bedroom, his fist pounding on the door, I collapsed. My mind and body couldn't take it any longer. The thought of calling the police terrified me. A friend called while this was happening and urged me to call the police, but his father had already planned to be there within minutes to take him to an event. As expected, his dad arrived and they left. I knew Drew would not continue with his recovery behind bars if I had called the police.
Prior to the accident, I was a news reporter. At one time, I covered the crime beat. I recalled a man with Alzheimer's who murdered his wife. It was a heart wrenching case. Even with his children pleading for mercy, he was sent to prison for the remainder of his life, not receiving the quality care that he needed. I recall the children stating that even with her murder, she would not have wanted this to be her husband's fate. She loved him very much. I love Drew and I could not imagine him spending the remainder of his life in prison, not understanding the world around him. So, I made the decision to leave. My parents came and got me. Drew and I still talk daily on the phone, but Drew does not remember his threats of violence against me. I believe him. His family, however, does not believe me since he has not shown any of them rage, and his therapist said that it's my TBI that makes me blow things out of proportion. His mother admitted, though, that they do not challenge him. If he wants to drink, they let him. If he is having trouble remembering a word, they say it for him. I don't believe he would show rage at his father. His father intimidates him and is also his legal guardian.
Drew wants me home and I want to be with him, but I never realized until now how much someone could love her husband and be terrified of him at the same time. One thing that I have noticed of Drew is that he has been forced to become independent, the man I knew he could become. He actually wrote Christmas cards this year and took the bus to a couple of appointments. I am so proud of him, but I think we remind one another of what we each have lost and it frustrates us both. I hope to find a job one day. Although I know it cannot be what I once did, I hope to continue to recover in the means of a new career. As for Drew, he might be able to work somewhere part-time, which I pray he will eventually do.
We are still married, but separated. My heart is torn at what to do. His family will not speak to me, and I fear he is not receiving help for his rage. While it has not appeared to them, my fear is that it will appear to the wrong person who does not understand that he has a head injury. What could happen to Drew? I fight with this guilt everyday.
I have a new therapist who is helping me see that while I can't control my husband and his recovery, I can control mine. If I learn to manage my own PTSD and TBI, perhaps I will be able to think clearer of what I must do. Whether it's going back to Drew, or moving on with my life. She makes me feel whatever decision I make is the correct one.
I will always love Drew. He was my first in so many ways, but we both died that day on the highway, and we must allow ourselves to grieve. To answer your question of mood swings, I don't think there is an easy solution. Love both keeps me away and wanting me to come back. Perhaps there is a woman with thicker skin that could handle the anger. I don't believe I am that woman.
Please pray for Drew and me.
God bless and Merry Christmas (I have never lost my faith in God--it has only grown stronger. Please know when I say Merry Christmas, I mean it with sincerity.
His rage started shortly after his release from the hospital. Several cuss words in a row directed at me and many pounding fists on the dashboard of the car. The episode came on without warning. Over these past two years, I can't count the number of times I had to barricade myself in my bedroom, fearing for my life. His therapist was well aware of what was happening. Her solution was medication and for me to get a thicker skin. I love my husband dearly and that is why I endured his rage alone. Then one day, his rage became directed at my parents. Again, without warning. He later apologized, but downplayed the episode. I really believe he has no idea how long his rage continued for several hours. His best friend also experienced one of his explosive rage episodes, but yet Drew doesn't recall. Then, one morning, Drew's rage escalated. He wanted me dead and threatened to shoot me if he could get to his guns. "You are so lucky, B*tch that I can't get to my guns, because I swear to God I would shoot your head off and then blast mine! You have been nothing but a disappointment for the last two years! You're so f@ck*ng screwed up in the head and I'm sick of your s&it!" In the past, he would yell hurtful words at me and come at me as if he wanted to hit me, but this was the first time he had said he was going to kill me. Now, looking back, he had threatened to take a circular saw to my head a week prior (which he claims he was only kidding) and he said he was going to kill my dog two days earlier (which he apologized for and said he didn't mean it).
Please, before you judge me for leaving, this was a man I trusted. We would argue prior to the accident, but I never feared for my life. Imagine your spouse, whom you love and trust. Then picture him/her threatening to shoot you and speak of it as if it would be the best thing to have happened to him since the accident. It crushed me emotionally and physically.
Locked inside my bedroom, his fist pounding on the door, I collapsed. My mind and body couldn't take it any longer. The thought of calling the police terrified me. A friend called while this was happening and urged me to call the police, but his father had already planned to be there within minutes to take him to an event. As expected, his dad arrived and they left. I knew Drew would not continue with his recovery behind bars if I had called the police.
Prior to the accident, I was a news reporter. At one time, I covered the crime beat. I recalled a man with Alzheimer's who murdered his wife. It was a heart wrenching case. Even with his children pleading for mercy, he was sent to prison for the remainder of his life, not receiving the quality care that he needed. I recall the children stating that even with her murder, she would not have wanted this to be her husband's fate. She loved him very much. I love Drew and I could not imagine him spending the remainder of his life in prison, not understanding the world around him. So, I made the decision to leave. My parents came and got me. Drew and I still talk daily on the phone, but Drew does not remember his threats of violence against me. I believe him. His family, however, does not believe me since he has not shown any of them rage, and his therapist said that it's my TBI that makes me blow things out of proportion. His mother admitted, though, that they do not challenge him. If he wants to drink, they let him. If he is having trouble remembering a word, they say it for him. I don't believe he would show rage at his father. His father intimidates him and is also his legal guardian.
Drew wants me home and I want to be with him, but I never realized until now how much someone could love her husband and be terrified of him at the same time. One thing that I have noticed of Drew is that he has been forced to become independent, the man I knew he could become. He actually wrote Christmas cards this year and took the bus to a couple of appointments. I am so proud of him, but I think we remind one another of what we each have lost and it frustrates us both. I hope to find a job one day. Although I know it cannot be what I once did, I hope to continue to recover in the means of a new career. As for Drew, he might be able to work somewhere part-time, which I pray he will eventually do.
We are still married, but separated. My heart is torn at what to do. His family will not speak to me, and I fear he is not receiving help for his rage. While it has not appeared to them, my fear is that it will appear to the wrong person who does not understand that he has a head injury. What could happen to Drew? I fight with this guilt everyday.
I have a new therapist who is helping me see that while I can't control my husband and his recovery, I can control mine. If I learn to manage my own PTSD and TBI, perhaps I will be able to think clearer of what I must do. Whether it's going back to Drew, or moving on with my life. She makes me feel whatever decision I make is the correct one.
I will always love Drew. He was my first in so many ways, but we both died that day on the highway, and we must allow ourselves to grieve. To answer your question of mood swings, I don't think there is an easy solution. Love both keeps me away and wanting me to come back. Perhaps there is a woman with thicker skin that could handle the anger. I don't believe I am that woman.
Please pray for Drew and me.
God bless and Merry Christmas (I have never lost my faith in God--it has only grown stronger. Please know when I say Merry Christmas, I mean it with sincerity.
Hi Shannon,
My son was had mood swings and got kind of violent at first. With the help of meds and counceling he is feeling much better. He was struggling with the thoughts of losing his past live and having to live with his brain injury and all that involves. He still is but it is much better. We both went to a neuropsychiatrist he was wonderful and helped lead us in the right direction. Antidepressants, helped my son. Also for a time he was on Xanex which helped him. Many things can be done to improve the quality of life for Oliver and yourself.
Each day with my son I just take it as it come. Yesterday it hit him that he lost his grandparents, found him crying in the morning, very upset. We talked and I got him calmed a bit. Very sad. The morning before he got up and got ready to go to work, he doesn't work right now ~ used to be a plumber, this made him laugh when he figured it out. I try to make light of things. He turned 23 on Dec 15. He wants his life back. Still physical and cognitive problems, but even now 15 months after injury he is improving.
When your husband gets angry don't engage him. Let him be angry, don't fuel it. This is something I learned from the doctors. I say nothing back. My son will walk away. A bit later he is better and not in the mood to fight! Hope this helps.
My son was had mood swings and got kind of violent at first. With the help of meds and counceling he is feeling much better. He was struggling with the thoughts of losing his past live and having to live with his brain injury and all that involves. He still is but it is much better. We both went to a neuropsychiatrist he was wonderful and helped lead us in the right direction. Antidepressants, helped my son. Also for a time he was on Xanex which helped him. Many things can be done to improve the quality of life for Oliver and yourself.
Each day with my son I just take it as it come. Yesterday it hit him that he lost his grandparents, found him crying in the morning, very upset. We talked and I got him calmed a bit. Very sad. The morning before he got up and got ready to go to work, he doesn't work right now ~ used to be a plumber, this made him laugh when he figured it out. I try to make light of things. He turned 23 on Dec 15. He wants his life back. Still physical and cognitive problems, but even now 15 months after injury he is improving.
When your husband gets angry don't engage him. Let him be angry, don't fuel it. This is something I learned from the doctors. I say nothing back. My son will walk away. A bit later he is better and not in the mood to fight! Hope this helps.
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hi
Welcome to the MedHelp forum!
I am sorry to say but yes, behavior changes are a usual part of TBI and the most difficult ones for both the patient and his family members to handle. Some even suffer from personality problems. Long term memory, cognitive, speech, behavior and social interactive skills may be affected.
Though not much can be done, counseling helps to some extent. Please consult a neuropsychiatrist. Take care!
Welcome to the MedHelp forum!
I am sorry to say but yes, behavior changes are a usual part of TBI and the most difficult ones for both the patient and his family members to handle. Some even suffer from personality problems. Long term memory, cognitive, speech, behavior and social interactive skills may be affected.
Though not much can be done, counseling helps to some extent. Please consult a neuropsychiatrist. Take care!
Hi again, I have another question???? Did your son have alot of mood swings and kind of violent behaivor? Did you go through a time where he didnt care about anything? This is what Im going through everyday I dont know what to do. Im afraid to mention the violent behaivor to his doctor I know I should but Im afraid they will send someone out to take him away from me. You are the only one I have ever said this to. His mom knows and our daughter but that is it. I just dont know what to do
I am so sorry to hear what you have and still going through. It is hard. I can honestly say I knew Oliver would not leave me or our daughter Samantha Rose. Im not saying that the person who woke up from the coma is not my husband he is and he isnt I hope you can understand that one. His speech is improving he can lift his right leg now something that he could not do 6 months ago, I know it will take a long time for his body to heal and I know when he says he will walk he will it is just a matter of time. Lord knows I do need to find someone to talk to not just me Oliver too. Alot of the time I feel that everything I do is not enough for him like he expects more from me. I take care of him by myself I have no help whats so ever we cant afford to to go through a home care agency and because of that he has no Health Insurance. I do PT, OT and Speech with him everyday or I should say as much as I can. Im not well either I have Fibromyalgia and MS. I just hope what I am doing is enough for the both of us. Thankyou and I wish you and your family the best for this holiday and through the years to come.....I hope you dont get offended...... GOD BLESS YOU
Shannon,
My son had an ATV accident on June 6th, 2009, TBI, called a DIA, he bled though most of his brain, only the brain stem was untouched for the most part. He was on life support for 3 weeks. Doc's tried to trake him but the surgery went wrong and they cut a vein in his neck, had to open his chest to fix it, hence he had to stay on the vent. This added may complications to his condition, now his lungs were compromised. The told me he would never wake up, and it he did he would be severly impared. My family and I never left him alone when he was in ICU or rehab. I didn't believe he was gone, could feel part of him with me at least some of the time.
He had constant brain storm activities even on the strong meds they had him on in ICU. One night he developed a fever 105, when the fever broke a nurse and I were changing him, and he said "Help me" three times and slipped back into a coma. That was a Wednesday night.
Week Three
The following Saturday he woke, paralized, could move this thumb and forefinger on his right hand. He could talk in whispers, they had weaned him off the vent a few days before, he was lucid for just a short time and he talked to me. Asked me what happened and if anyone else was hurt, he cried, then he went to sleep.
When he awoke again he was totally out of him mind. This lasted for many months. His strenth started to come back and I and my family had to restrain him, he pulled tube, caths, and monitors out of and off his body unless we held his hands down. He physicall and mentally had to relearn everything! I had him moved to neuro rehab in a city about 80 miles from where we live. He learned to sit, eat, talk, write, well everything, almost like having a newborn and teaching them in just a few months what it took us years to do as they grow up. After rehab another amost year of therapy as an out patient.
Physically he can now urinate on his own off those meds, his heart rate meds ~ gone. He can't sleep on his own. Usually will not eat unless I put food in front of him. Don't know if the feeding tube have anything to do with this but they are gone now. One day at a time.
As to the mood swings and depression, still dealing with that. We both see a therapist. He is going to be 23, and is my only son, I have two daughters. He lives with me and his personality has greatly changed as has so much since the accident. I have learned not to give him any fuel so to speak when he gets angry! When he is sad we talk, but I think the best thing for you to do is to find a counsler that handles TBI's. It helped us so much. She is wonderful with my son, and she helped me not only with understanding all that is going on with him, but dealing with my lose also. I am still trying so hard to understand the son I have now, I mourn the son that I lost.
He has relearned to drive, can read, write, is for the most part totally functional. Is in pain all the time due to bread in the upper spine due to the accident but we are trying to find a way to control that through pain management.
Please let me know how you and your husband are. Don't give up, and don't believe that your husband can't recover, I have read and searched everywhere, TBI injuries continue to heal, and progress is made for years!
My son had an ATV accident on June 6th, 2009, TBI, called a DIA, he bled though most of his brain, only the brain stem was untouched for the most part. He was on life support for 3 weeks. Doc's tried to trake him but the surgery went wrong and they cut a vein in his neck, had to open his chest to fix it, hence he had to stay on the vent. This added may complications to his condition, now his lungs were compromised. The told me he would never wake up, and it he did he would be severly impared. My family and I never left him alone when he was in ICU or rehab. I didn't believe he was gone, could feel part of him with me at least some of the time.
He had constant brain storm activities even on the strong meds they had him on in ICU. One night he developed a fever 105, when the fever broke a nurse and I were changing him, and he said "Help me" three times and slipped back into a coma. That was a Wednesday night.
Week Three
The following Saturday he woke, paralized, could move this thumb and forefinger on his right hand. He could talk in whispers, they had weaned him off the vent a few days before, he was lucid for just a short time and he talked to me. Asked me what happened and if anyone else was hurt, he cried, then he went to sleep.
When he awoke again he was totally out of him mind. This lasted for many months. His strenth started to come back and I and my family had to restrain him, he pulled tube, caths, and monitors out of and off his body unless we held his hands down. He physicall and mentally had to relearn everything! I had him moved to neuro rehab in a city about 80 miles from where we live. He learned to sit, eat, talk, write, well everything, almost like having a newborn and teaching them in just a few months what it took us years to do as they grow up. After rehab another amost year of therapy as an out patient.
Physically he can now urinate on his own off those meds, his heart rate meds ~ gone. He can't sleep on his own. Usually will not eat unless I put food in front of him. Don't know if the feeding tube have anything to do with this but they are gone now. One day at a time.
As to the mood swings and depression, still dealing with that. We both see a therapist. He is going to be 23, and is my only son, I have two daughters. He lives with me and his personality has greatly changed as has so much since the accident. I have learned not to give him any fuel so to speak when he gets angry! When he is sad we talk, but I think the best thing for you to do is to find a counsler that handles TBI's. It helped us so much. She is wonderful with my son, and she helped me not only with understanding all that is going on with him, but dealing with my lose also. I am still trying so hard to understand the son I have now, I mourn the son that I lost.
He has relearned to drive, can read, write, is for the most part totally functional. Is in pain all the time due to bread in the upper spine due to the accident but we are trying to find a way to control that through pain management.
Please let me know how you and your husband are. Don't give up, and don't believe that your husband can't recover, I have read and searched everywhere, TBI injuries continue to heal, and progress is made for years!
Have an Answer?
You are reading content posted in the Traumatic Brain Injury Community
Top Neurology Answerers
Allentown, PA
Queen Creek, AZ
Queensland, Australia
Trinity , TX
Find out how beta-blocker eye drops show promising results for acute migraine relief.
In this special Missouri Medicine report, doctors examine advances in diagnosis and treatment of this devastating and costly neurodegenerative disease.
Here are 12 simple – and fun! – ways to boost your brainpower.
Discover some of the causes of dizziness and how to treat it.
Discover the common causes of headaches and how to treat headache pain.
Two of the largest studies on Alzheimer’s have yielded new clues about the disease
