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What is wrong with my 3 year old, please help!
I have a 5 year old with severe autism, he was diagnosed 2 and a half years ago.
For the past year and a half I have noticed my other son who is 3, turning 4 in a couple of months is not developing as expected.
Everytime I give him food to eat he will throw it or smear it into the floors and walls, each time he does this i remove the food from him and give him 3 minutes time out, I have been doing this for 12 months with no result, he is also very agressive, he constantly hits and bite me or throws things at me, again he gets 3 minutes time out each time but it doesnt make a difference. He attacks his teachers at school, he is not interested at all in being potty trained, he smears his stools from his underpants all over my walls and floors.
He is constantly on the go from 4am until 8pm, he doesn't sit down for a second, and if he does he has to mess with something or someone.
Even if i take him out for a treat he will climb all over the place. He also seems to have no sense of danger even after hurting himself numerous time doing the same things. He also doesn't take any instruction from anyone, at school or from me.
The health visitor has referred his to a child development centre after seeing his behaviour at the 3 year check up, she told me I am doing everything right with him, like praising every little good thing he does, ignoring some behaviours and using the time out disipline.
I am at a dead end, I am so physically tired and mentally drained with trying He isn't interested in any toys either, he only ever wants to play with toilet rolls.
My house is a mess as every day he breaks something, he has just pushed my brand new tv off the table today, smashed 6 eggs on the floor earlier on. It is like this everyday. What could possibly be wrong with him? Any ideas?
Shireen
For the past year and a half I have noticed my other son who is 3, turning 4 in a couple of months is not developing as expected.
Everytime I give him food to eat he will throw it or smear it into the floors and walls, each time he does this i remove the food from him and give him 3 minutes time out, I have been doing this for 12 months with no result, he is also very agressive, he constantly hits and bite me or throws things at me, again he gets 3 minutes time out each time but it doesnt make a difference. He attacks his teachers at school, he is not interested at all in being potty trained, he smears his stools from his underpants all over my walls and floors.
He is constantly on the go from 4am until 8pm, he doesn't sit down for a second, and if he does he has to mess with something or someone.
Even if i take him out for a treat he will climb all over the place. He also seems to have no sense of danger even after hurting himself numerous time doing the same things. He also doesn't take any instruction from anyone, at school or from me.
The health visitor has referred his to a child development centre after seeing his behaviour at the 3 year check up, she told me I am doing everything right with him, like praising every little good thing he does, ignoring some behaviours and using the time out disipline.
I am at a dead end, I am so physically tired and mentally drained with trying He isn't interested in any toys either, he only ever wants to play with toilet rolls.
My house is a mess as every day he breaks something, he has just pushed my brand new tv off the table today, smashed 6 eggs on the floor earlier on. It is like this everyday. What could possibly be wrong with him? Any ideas?
Shireen
I dont give him time out for not eating, he gets time out for throwing his food all over the floor or purposley pouring his drinks over his brothers head etc, if he doesnt want his food thats fine, but he has to know that it is wrong to behave the way he does in throwing things etc, I do ignore alot of behaviours, he gets time out for hitting and biting as he also has to learn that there is a consequence for certain actions. I never shout at him, i never hit him , i never even say a bad word infront of him.
He gets endless amounts of hugs kisses and praise, but when I hug him, he pushes me away, if i give him any kind of praise he then will start to hit me or have a tantrum.
I spend every free second i have giving him attention, positive attention, yes this seems never to be enough, he will start biting and hitting me if I need to use the toilet or need to do a 5 minute bit of housework.
Thanks for your post
He gets endless amounts of hugs kisses and praise, but when I hug him, he pushes me away, if i give him any kind of praise he then will start to hit me or have a tantrum.
I spend every free second i have giving him attention, positive attention, yes this seems never to be enough, he will start biting and hitting me if I need to use the toilet or need to do a 5 minute bit of housework.
Thanks for your post
thanks for your post. me and my partner are big believers in never raising our voices to anyone, we never use harsh words to each other or to any human being. I do not agree with ever smacking a child as this would just make the child think that is normal behaviour. My child attends a private nursery and the children there from what i know are not particularly aggressive children.
I have tried every trick in the book, ignoring, time out, reward chart etc the health visitor actually said i have done every thing what she would recommend. I am awaiting an appointment with the paediatrician. Thanks for your advice
I have tried every trick in the book, ignoring, time out, reward chart etc the health visitor actually said i have done every thing what she would recommend. I am awaiting an appointment with the paediatrician. Thanks for your advice
sounds like me when i was a kid. I have aspergers syndrome.. but.. i can tell you .. that alot of the things he is doing seems normal to me.. I have a soon to be two year old that has hte same behaviors as i did.... and sometimes still do . my son now knows how to open our refigerator.. and he goes to town.. he feels like it its stacked.. if its shelved.... he has to knock , throw, it alllll down.
we remain calm.. i mean .... very calm. he is in his own world right now... and amazingly enough.. he has started to say words! i cannot tell you how excited we are... lol.... he can now say about two words.. so we are just happy with that.
there are times when he totally ignores me as well.. heck.. he will ignore ANYONE.. you have to literally tough him... say his name... try and make eye contact if you are lucky... he just doesnt have time for us it would seem...lol...
take a deep breath.
why are you giving him time outs for not eating? i dont undesrstand this. i am not in ANY way trying to be argumentative about it.. i just fail to see why you are doing this.
when he gets hungry.. he will eat. is he on a schedule? i get REALLY freaked when my schedule goes wrong. i have always been this way. i like things to go a certain way. and when they dont.. it totally ruins my whole day.. my whole week.. my month.. and htere is no fixing it once its in place.
Take a step back... evaluate what you are doing ... maybe there are better ways to help your son that you BOTH can live with .
when its his time to eat.. place a small amount of food in front of him.. give him several choices... like.. clemintine oranges, sliced peaches, ( one of each) and a few peices of sliced banana.
should he choose to throw all choices. simply pick them up.. pull his chair out, and walk away. do not allow him to see that you are upset in any way. walk into your living room.. and do something unexpected.. like.. sit on the floor..and start reading outloud.
see what happens.
forcing change upon him without his internal consent wiill only make him fight you more
i hope that you are doing ok .. i know how stressful this can be. i have been battling my own slef for so long.. trying to wade between what i feel.. and what i know i should ignore.. what i want to do .. how i feel... ect ect..
always be available to love him. even if he percieves that love as something you might not.. my son doesnt like hugs all the time.. or touch... but when he comes to me for any type of affection.. i suck it right up.. and let him know that i am here for him.
consistency... this is crucial.
it all sounds so overwhelming... but you have to start somewhere... you sound like a wonderful mother.... keep up the great work..!!
we remain calm.. i mean .... very calm. he is in his own world right now... and amazingly enough.. he has started to say words! i cannot tell you how excited we are... lol.... he can now say about two words.. so we are just happy with that.
there are times when he totally ignores me as well.. heck.. he will ignore ANYONE.. you have to literally tough him... say his name... try and make eye contact if you are lucky... he just doesnt have time for us it would seem...lol...
take a deep breath.
why are you giving him time outs for not eating? i dont undesrstand this. i am not in ANY way trying to be argumentative about it.. i just fail to see why you are doing this.
when he gets hungry.. he will eat. is he on a schedule? i get REALLY freaked when my schedule goes wrong. i have always been this way. i like things to go a certain way. and when they dont.. it totally ruins my whole day.. my whole week.. my month.. and htere is no fixing it once its in place.
Take a step back... evaluate what you are doing ... maybe there are better ways to help your son that you BOTH can live with .
when its his time to eat.. place a small amount of food in front of him.. give him several choices... like.. clemintine oranges, sliced peaches, ( one of each) and a few peices of sliced banana.
should he choose to throw all choices. simply pick them up.. pull his chair out, and walk away. do not allow him to see that you are upset in any way. walk into your living room.. and do something unexpected.. like.. sit on the floor..and start reading outloud.
see what happens.
forcing change upon him without his internal consent wiill only make him fight you more
i hope that you are doing ok .. i know how stressful this can be. i have been battling my own slef for so long.. trying to wade between what i feel.. and what i know i should ignore.. what i want to do .. how i feel... ect ect..
always be available to love him. even if he percieves that love as something you might not.. my son doesnt like hugs all the time.. or touch... but when he comes to me for any type of affection.. i suck it right up.. and let him know that i am here for him.
consistency... this is crucial.
it all sounds so overwhelming... but you have to start somewhere... you sound like a wonderful mother.... keep up the great work..!!
MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL
Hello,
I can understand your concern with the behaviour of your son.In my opinion,this aggressive behaviour is common in some children.First of all,you and your husband should avoid display of any kind of aggressive behaviour.Also keep your child away from friends who have aggressive behaviour.Do not punish or use harsh words or hit the child when he does such things.Just try to ignore or make the child feel that you have not noticed his pranks.Usually,it is because the child wants to have all the attention. Physical manifestation of your feelings of love for the child is also important.He should get cuddling and other forms of physical contact with the parents.
If the behaviour persists then a complete comprehensive profile needs to be done for ADHD(attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).Pls consult a psychiatrist in that case.
Take care and pls do keep me posted on how your son is doing or if you have any additional doubts.
I can understand your concern with the behaviour of your son.In my opinion,this aggressive behaviour is common in some children.First of all,you and your husband should avoid display of any kind of aggressive behaviour.Also keep your child away from friends who have aggressive behaviour.Do not punish or use harsh words or hit the child when he does such things.Just try to ignore or make the child feel that you have not noticed his pranks.Usually,it is because the child wants to have all the attention. Physical manifestation of your feelings of love for the child is also important.He should get cuddling and other forms of physical contact with the parents.
If the behaviour persists then a complete comprehensive profile needs to be done for ADHD(attention deficit hyperactivity disorder).Pls consult a psychiatrist in that case.
Take care and pls do keep me posted on how your son is doing or if you have any additional doubts.
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