How do I make a change for the better?

[Rachypie76]

After the breakdown of a very 'difficult' relationship I have gained a terrible amount of weight.  I am disgusted and horrified by my body on a daily basis.  I have isolated myself from my friends and family because I feel so ashamed of the way I look.  I suffer from depression and feel like I'm trapped in a vicious cycle where I eat because I feel so unhappy and then feel even more unhappy because I've gained weight again.  I've tried so many diets and I just can't seem to make a difference to my size.  I would be so grateful for any suggestions that people have as to how to begin to turn this around.  Thanks so much for reading!

[cstratton05]

I believe fully in therapy and, if needed, medication to address depression. If you do not want to do that, then you should make daily goals for yourself. When you're depressed, it seems too overwhelming to go much past daily goals. As for not stress eating, you need to start an activity that you can do when you are stressed that does not involve food but does calm you down. Yoga, as Rishi said, is helpful for that. You can't always stop and do yoga though. If I am really having trouble not eating, I chew gum because I dont like to eat when I have gum in my mouth. Also, I let myself eat something completely unhealthy about once or twice per month, so I don't feel completely deprived. When I feel deprived I start wanting to eat all bad things. This month my treat was a medium pizza all by myself. And it was great. Then I went right back to my diet and still lost weight. I dont guilt about my pizza because I planned it, and I needed it to stay on my diet full time. Most importantly, recognize that you may be using your weight to shelter you from rejection. If you dont go out because you are overweight, there is zero chance of rejection. It becomes an unconscious excuse to keep you from the possibility of being rejected. Ergo, you eat more bad things and the cycle continues.

[James G Beckerman, M.D.]

I think the first step is to recognize that just because you may have gained some weight, you are still a person with value.  This is really important - we can't define ourselves only by our appearance.

The next thing I'd do is to approach this like a project.  There are specific things that are happening in your life that are impacting your weight and overall health.  Your relationships may be one of them, but as you know, food and activity are big contributors too.  Focus on one.  Try to brainstorm about three things that you could be doing differently - and work them into your week.  Then pick a couple more.  Go gradual.  Be patient with yourself - you can definitely do this.  Take care!