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Women's Health: Postpartum Community
26.1k Members
Avatar universal

why is every1 so against teen pregnancy

i am 17 i miscarried 2 months ago n now were trying for a baby again.
i am no different to any other woman trying to have a baby. ive got my own place, both me n my partner work full time in well paid jobs and lookin 4ward to being parents more than anything so whats the problem
30 Responses
Avatar universal
I know you probably think the next step to y'alls relationship is to start a family. You probably seem very mature but don't you want to do more? Don't you want to go to college. Most of the girls I know didn't go, have kids.. some are still w/ their man, most aren't.. and they're living off of food stamps.. living pay check to pay check.. Don't you want an education? Don't you want to go out and party and have some fun? You know once you have a kid you can't... Hopefully you don't push the child on the grandparents.. I know a girl who had a child at 16.. and her son doesn't call her mommy.. He calls the girls parents mommy.. and she plays hardly any part in the childs life.. she is still trying to live it up.. Unfortunately.. her parents will probably take custody of the boy.. I did want a kid at 18.. I'm 21 now and starting to try now.. I did have a miscarriage also a couple of months ago. But I'm glad I waited. I'm in college right now doing good.. I just want whats best for a baby.. I don't see why such young kids thinks it's the next step. A lot of people see it as wrong.. I mean yeah that's kind of terrible to people to scold you for being young and wanting a child. Some people are good with kids... And some just aren't.. A girl in My high school had 3 kids by the time she graduated... And I'm not so sure how her life's going right now, but I'm sure it's not good. But I just hope you think about it.. I am terrrrrribly sorry for your miscarriage.. They are rough and hard to go through.. One minute you're excited you're pregnant and the next.. You have to think.. why? But if you think you're ready.. Honestly... Go for it.. Don't hold anything back.. But you know you shouldn't post nothing unless you really want peoples honest opinion.. and You're definitely going to get it from quite a few mothers Lol.. Just a warning. Good luck hun.. I hope I wasn't too harsh on ya.
159354 tn?1286367688
What is a well paying job to you?

Do you realize I dish out $1200/month to raise a 6 mos. old baby?  (That does not include any money towards my 3 yr old)

My husband and I are both well educated people bringing quite a bit of money a month and we still 'just' make ends meet.
15480 tn?1302529802
Here we go again!! I am not going to waste my time typing all the reasons why you should wait because you probably won't listen anyway. Why don't you go back and read Kierstyn's post titled "When trying to conceive".  This is a public forum you, are going to get opinions that you probably won't like.  You are 17 which means you aren't even an adult yet and you want to have a child but actually you are still a child.  I have to agree with everything Deanne said, you have no idea how much it actually costs to have a child.  Don't you want to enjoy being 17???
Avatar universal
First, I'm sorry about your m/c. I'm sure it is a really tough time for you right now. I've always taken the attitude that we (people in general) need time to fully process things that are difficult before making any major decisions in life (i.e., having a child). You will do what you want, but becoming a parent is a full time, expensive, exhausting, life altering experience. It can be great, but really.....there are many, many times when it's not great. When it's frustrating, aggrevating, pull-your-hair-out-screaming difficult. And I love my two kids....it's just not all giggles, smiles, and cuteness.
And it is EXPENSIVE! I would say you would realistically need to plan on between $2000-$3000 surplus each month. If you stay home, you won't have your salary, if you work you will have to pay for daycare and plan for missed work due to illness (sick baby), supplies for pumping, etc. Baby's need love....but they also need sleepers, diapers, car seats, health insurance, etc.
I got pregnant on our honeymoon before we were "ready". Dh and I were 25, we had been dating for 7 years, owned our home, I had my master's and was one year away from my doctoral degree and he was a year away from his doctoral degree. It was TOUGH. I don't regret my decision, but it was really, really hard. Now we both have our education, we are licensed and practicing in our fields and we are just making ends meet.
Think about it. It sounds stupid, but get a puppy first and see how you cope with the demands of that committment.
15480 tn?1302529802
Well said!!
165078 tn?1255606407
This is not a real post ignore it.  
15480 tn?1302529802
Thanks for the info. :)  How is Eva doing? Hopefully feeling better!
506883 tn?1210694682
Take it from me!  I have 48 puppies, all by different beeotches.  Its no picnic.  
165078 tn?1255606407
She is better - she was running yesterday outside and skinned both her knees.  First of many I am sure.  She got right back up and finished running with bloody knees.  Does not even cry.  She is such a nut.  How is Avery?
159354 tn?1286367688
Sounds like Abby -

She was messing around yesterday and fell....cut her head.  I think a stick or something....Got back up and is running with blood coming off her forehead....These kids!

I'm all in a panic but it looked much worse obviously than it was....

CantWait/GNicole -
Can you give me some advice on feeding solids....I never know how much to give Jake?  You can send a private message if you want.  3 times a day?  the whole jar or plastic container?  I know every baby is different....but it'd be nice to hear some guidelines.
165078 tn?1255606407
Good Question I was going to post something today about that lets start a new post because I am having problems in that area.  I will do it now.
Avatar universal
My husband is 40 and I am 35. We have a 17 months old happy, cute baby boy. He's a blessing for us, but it takes a lot of sacrifices (e.g. sleepless nights especially when he's sick, there are nights that we can't go out to eat or do something because he's too cranky due to teething, etc..)  Believe me, my husband has a good job too and I'm a full time stay home mom and sometimes, we're still feeling overwhelmed. Once the baby started walking, forget it. They will be roaming and destroying all stuffs. It doesn't matter how old you are to get pregnant. The question is: "Are you ready to get ready emotionally when it comes to challenges/sacrifices ?" If you answer "yes", then the game begins. Trust me, if it's hard for married people like us in the mid 30's, what makes you think that it's better for you young people in the teens especially this is the time that you guys tend to hang out with friends. Believe me, you have a long road ahead of you. Please don't rush.
Avatar universal
I got pregnant at 17. AT first I was very excited. We hadn't planned on getting pregnant, but I had always wanted a baby. I was mature for my age, so I though, no big deal. No matter how mature you are at 17, you still aren't ready for a baby! There are money issues, like everyone else stated, and you can't imagine how stressful it is to raise a baby, not knowing how you are going to buy groceries and diapers and formula for the next week until your paycheck comes. But the hardest thing for me was loosing all my friends. You may think your friends wont abandon you, but when you have a child, you wont have anything in common anymore. Having a baby changes your opinions on just about everything. You won't be able to party with them because you have to stay home with baby. After a while of failed attempts to hang out with you, they will drift away, and before you know it, they will be like strangers. I have spent so many nights crying myself to sleep because I don't have any close friends. I saw one of my "best friends" the other week, and she was very formal and polite, and uninterested in our conversation. I knew it was because we just weren't really friends anymore. We had just drifted apart. So your social life can go down the drain when you have kids too young. All the people my age are interested in partying, and all the mothers are at least 5 years older than me and we just don't click. Please think about that before you make such a big decision. I love my son to death, but I think if I could go back and change things, I would have waited.
Avatar universal
im beginning to yhink it is a good idea.  get it over with early so you can enjoy life.  
Avatar universal
something tells me you won't listen to any of this so lots of luck to you...you'll need it.
490829 tn?1234568174
i wanted to have my kids young so i can enjoy them.. i dont want to be old with a baby. i am 21, i had my son right after my 19th bday.  it was hard.  but i cant complain.  i dont have to live off any type of assistance, i take care of my son.  i wanted him when i had him, we planned him.  my friends love my son, if they want to take me out to eat, i have to bring my son bc they want him to go.  my fiances friends are the same way.  if ihad to do it over, i would not change a thing!!!! he is the best thing that happend to me.  and i am going to school and working full time.  and my fiance works full time as well, he plans to go to school too.  
Avatar universal
o i SOOO wanna common on this!!!

you said in one of your posts you "cant come to grips with your miscarriage" maybe you should deal with those issues before you try for another, as well as work on your life. what well paying job can a 17 year old have? what about school? college? medical? money is a BIG issue when it comes to kids. and have you seen our economy? hell i live in a state where they say gas is one of the lowest and its still crazy expensive! i broke down crying last night to my mom about everything im dealing with. money, exs, babys father, graduation, college, essays, chores, dog, and manage to take care of myself.

i dont think that ppl are so against teen pregnancy as they are against girls trying to have babies to either trap men, are lonly, or have nothing else better to do. at least thats the way i look at it.

blah blah blah..."i raised my ....." (just like someone said on this forum before) yeah ok so?  "we're ready for a baby" um hum........ "he loves me and he will stay by me" right good one. teenage boys want to be out there stickin it in all sorts of holes, and they may want a baby now cuz their bored too but once that belly starts growing and the baby comes...HELLO reality sets in. it all gumdops and lolly pops! its hard. and ok both yall have good jobs......whos gonna take care of the baby then while yall are at work? ok someons gonna have to stay home that = less money for you, your man, bills, and most importantly baby. you have NO idea how much babys cost. and the effort, strength, not to mention the relationship with your oh so perfect man will fall apart. it drains a relationship. im not saying all relationships will fall apart but most teenage boys want only want thing. and its not usually a baby.

im BIG on going to COLLEGE!..ok well finishing high school first....but you said you both work full time so your not in school! you cant make much money without having a highschool degree especially a college degree. your still a child. not even an adult. go out smile, laugh, spend time with friends, go to parties, go to a prom, go to graduation, go to the beach, go shopping!.....YES....i can do those things....but i have a almost 3 month old in toe. ok well i dont really party, and as for the beach eh i got that post pregnancy weight still on but next year....next year!

I AM A SINGLE MOM. I GOT PREGNANT AT 17, I HAD MY SON AT 18. MY BABYS FATHER LEFT ME AT 6 WEEKS PREGNANT. I STILL LIVE AT HOME WITH MY MOM, MY MOM HELPS TO SUPPORT HER GRANDSON, I FINISHED MY CREDITS. IM GOING TO GRADUATION (actually 2), IM GOING TO COLLEGE, IM IN AN EVERYDAY BATTLE WITH MY SONS FATHER SO HE WILL STEP UP TO THE PLATE. I STILL MANAGE TO SEE AND HANG OUT WITH MY FRIENDS, I JUST BRING MY LIL DOMMY WITH ME, MY FRIENDS ARE VERY VERY SUPPORTIVE, THEY KNOW WHAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH, MOST OF THEM WANT TO BE THERE FOR ME AND MY SON.

what im saying is ITS NOT EASY! and you must have a false sence of the world if you think your are ready.
270405 tn?1293035621
You know, I can't really say that I am against teen pregnancy.  I just personally don't think it is the best time to be having a baby.  Things happen, and sometimes people get pregnant as a teen.  I know plenty of people who had their children when I we were in high school.  And for the most part, they turned out to be good parents.  I will say that I am 30, and have 2 children, and there are days when I feel like ripping my hair out.  I'm not even one of the Moms that have it hard either!  I am happily married, I'm a stay at home Mom, and my husband owns a company.  We live quite comfortably on his income.   It is so much easier having kids when you are married or in a stable relationship, and when you have enough money to own a house.  We both drive nice cars, can afford anything our children need.  I can't even begin to imagine what it would have been like having to take care of a baby when I was 17.  There is just no way I would have wanted to.  I got to get all my partying or whatever out of the way.  Now, I can completely focus on being a Mom, putting my children first.  Kids are not easy.  I have a close friend who had her first when she was 19.  She still goes through phases of wanting to go out at night, and I'm convinced its because she didn't get to do those things when she was younger, when she should have been rather then taking care of a baby.
Avatar universal
i came on here cause i honestly wanted to no peoples opinions. i live in england ive finished school and i am doin my college degrees through an independant company. nearly finished. between me n my partner after living expenses n goin out we have £2000 left a month which we have been puting into savings. in answer 2 sum peoples question my parents live in another country as far as i no. i want a child of my own not for other people to look after for me 2 look after. not all 17 year olds r the same this is what i want from life. bringing up a child is more important to me than goin out partying.
Avatar universal
i came on here cause i honestly wanted to no peoples opinions. i live in england ive finished school and i am doin my college degrees through an independant company. nearly finished. between me n my partner after living expenses n goin out we have £2000 left a month which we have been puting into savings. in answer 2 sum peoples question my parents live in another country as far as i no. i want a child of my own not for other people to look after for me 2 look after. not all 17 year olds r the same this is what i want from life. bringing up a child is more important to me than goin out partying.
145992 tn?1341345074
If you think you are ready financially and emotionally then that is up to you.  I don't think that having a baby at 17 is the right way to go but everyone is different.  No one is saying that every teenager can't handle it.  It's just not something I or other people advocate.  It's not about partying either, it's about the simple freedom.  What I mean is that you can't even go to the movies or out to dinner.  Even planning a vacation takes a ton of work.  I can just imagine my 6 month old on a plane and worry that his ears might bother him or that he will be annoyed and cry the entire flight stresses me to no end.  How annoying would that be to the people around us?  I don't know about you but listening to a crying baby on even the shortest flight can be unnerving.  In order to just go over to our family's house for a few hours, I have to pack this huge baby bag.  Do I have enough diapers, formula, change of clothes in case of accidents, toys to entertain him, wipes, a blanket.  It takes me an hour to get myself ready and another hour to get all his stuff together.  I can't even take a shower unless he's being nice to me and will sit in his chair until I'm done.  At 17 I couldn't even imagine thinking of another human being besides myself.  You do what you feel is right for you but you asked for people's opinions and these are the answers you got.  Take it or leave it, it's no one's business but your own.  Good luck.
Avatar universal
how are you gonna sit there and say youdidnt want peoples opinions when the title of this is why is evey1 so against teen pregancy
15480 tn?1302529802
I think she is saying she wanted to know other people's opinions but the spelling is hard to understand.
130384 tn?1221593027
This post cannot be real.

Provided I understand the symbols, you mean to tell us that a couple of 17 year old kids have £2000 (~$3,900 US dollars) left over each month after all living expenses are paid?  

And you get paid these high salaries but have a hard time with simple spelling?

I say Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....
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