Aa
Hard to ask for help, please bear with me.
I would have gone to the mental health board but honestly I am not going to pay whatever fee, for what I am about to write. I will try and make this quick. I have been dealing with these problems for a long time, but they are getting worse and worse. therapists are out of the question, but i don't know what else to do.
Since I can remember i have been a very lonely girl, i have been neglected, abused, and sexually abused as a child so yeah I am messed up. Gosh this is hard for me to tell anyone about this. no one knows anything about my wierd problems, my husband has a hint but doesn't know the full story. let's begin with i have social phobia, people do scare me, but then again i am very lonely. I have to be around someone all the time, or i get depressed at the drop of the hat. my husband on the other hand is the opposite of me, he can't stand being around people, and I tend to annoy him. I feel lonely when I am with him, and he thinks spending an hour with me a day will help, it's not wokring. So lately i feel like I am losing my grip on reality here. i used to talk to myself to remind myself of things, i have to get done and so on. Lately i have been making up friends in my head to talk to. (this is really hard for me to admit.) I have conversations with my imaginary friends, and sometimes i really do think they are real, when deep down I know they are not. My husband has caught me talking to myself, yelling at someone, when no one is there. He has answered my questions, and commented on what i had to say. i tell him i am not talking to him, he is like okay?
Since I can remember i have been a very lonely girl, i have been neglected, abused, and sexually abused as a child so yeah I am messed up. Gosh this is hard for me to tell anyone about this. no one knows anything about my wierd problems, my husband has a hint but doesn't know the full story. let's begin with i have social phobia, people do scare me, but then again i am very lonely. I have to be around someone all the time, or i get depressed at the drop of the hat. my husband on the other hand is the opposite of me, he can't stand being around people, and I tend to annoy him. I feel lonely when I am with him, and he thinks spending an hour with me a day will help, it's not wokring. So lately i feel like I am losing my grip on reality here. i used to talk to myself to remind myself of things, i have to get done and so on. Lately i have been making up friends in my head to talk to. (this is really hard for me to admit.) I have conversations with my imaginary friends, and sometimes i really do think they are real, when deep down I know they are not. My husband has caught me talking to myself, yelling at someone, when no one is there. He has answered my questions, and commented on what i had to say. i tell him i am not talking to him, he is like okay?
Yesterday I was driving to pick up my son. I was alone on the way there, and I started thinking about you. See, my house is so crazy with kids that any time alone is heaven for me. And unlike you, I long for time by myself. And where you need to be around people, I tend to keep my distance. I don't like to be seen. My family is one thing, but I don't actively seek out friendships. I think everyone is just different. How we handle our past, our present and our futures. I just wanted you to know that I was thinking about you, and am hoping that you get the help you need very soon. Please find someone close that you can talk to. And let us know that you are okay.
--J
--J
I wish there was a way we could take up a little collection to help post her question on the M.H. forum.. Any ideas?
--J
--J
what is the cost to post in the mental health forum? it seems to me that under her circumstances, it would be WELL worth it. i cant see it being more than what? $15? she gets the best of both worlds..no face to face interaction, she's alreday posted her concerns so thats done, a reccomendation on possible meds. and a possible condition. not to mention other people may post as well offering so much more. sounds worth it to me.
I agree with the other you really need to talk to someone. I also think talking and being honest with your husband will help. i know I feel better when I have been keeping things from him. (nothing like what you have been through.)
If the Dr. have ran out of questions then you need to find some else they must not know what they are doing.
If the Dr. have ran out of questions then you need to find some else they must not know what they are doing.
oh my goodness it costs $5 to post in that forum!! surely whats going on with you is worth $5!! please just post there. im sure you wont be sorry. i think you are scared to face reality and seem comfortable in you own world. be careful though.. your own world will be very lonely (even lonlier than you are now). you are making excuses and this would be a great next step.
from what it sounds like to me, you need to keep busy, talk to yourself, have friends (real or made up) in order to compensate for what you would normally be thinking about..your past. the abuse, neglect, lonliness. if its quiet you will think back. you are trying to keep your mind occupied so you dont have to "go back" to that lonely, terrible place. you dont want to be reminded of it.
i do see how you may not be able to keep a friend because that NEED you are experiencing can be overwhelming to someone. i had a friend back in college who sounded exactly like you down to the emotional, sexual abuse and neglect she experienced growing up. she didnt have friends (lived with a guy she didnt even love but he was safe) and FEEDED off of me. she wore me out, drained me and was there everytime i turned around. she wanted to study w. me, go for coffee, talk on the phone for hours, came to my work, wanted to meet for lunch. i had to cut the ties. i felt for her but she took all my time. i didnt need that kind of friend. i needed a friend that matched my personality. she was overwhelming.
i know what you mean about taking meds. i dont like it either and i dont like to take asprin even. however, i had enough anxiety/worry in my life and finally made the call to my obgyn (she knows me best) and filled her in on my symptoms. she prescribed me something, it didnt work so i called her back. she gave me something different that seems to work now. you do just have to try a couple different things until something works. you do have tons of past issues that most likely need to be addressed. no one is going to send you to a psych ward just like that. notice how things are slowly progressing for you? you started off talking about your daily schedule out loud then carrying on conversations with "someone" then started to have imaginary friends..its getting deeper. i can sort of relate to being a little like that with characters on tv. you do "fall in love" w. them. sometimes you think of them as real. you wish they were your friend or someone in your life. you may respect them, want to aspire to be like them, but to carry on conversations as if they were there is out of reality. this is all coming from your past and it is great you are coming here to talk about it. i seriously think you should post over in the mental health forum..definitly. nothing wrong w. that. the $ would be used wisely and the dr. over there can at least pinpoint what you may have and reccomend a medication to get this under control. you sense there is a problem, your husband notices and kids are very in tune with things like this. you dont want it affecting her. i dont know how old she is (or how old you are) but she'll pick up on it.
its ok to want to keep your mind busy with things but they need to be logical, constructive things, like work, a hobby, kids..dont let your past get a hold of you and take you down. you are in control. if you talk w. someone he/she can provide you with strategies to carry on w. life so you dont have to feel this way.
i do see how you may not be able to keep a friend because that NEED you are experiencing can be overwhelming to someone. i had a friend back in college who sounded exactly like you down to the emotional, sexual abuse and neglect she experienced growing up. she didnt have friends (lived with a guy she didnt even love but he was safe) and FEEDED off of me. she wore me out, drained me and was there everytime i turned around. she wanted to study w. me, go for coffee, talk on the phone for hours, came to my work, wanted to meet for lunch. i had to cut the ties. i felt for her but she took all my time. i didnt need that kind of friend. i needed a friend that matched my personality. she was overwhelming.
i know what you mean about taking meds. i dont like it either and i dont like to take asprin even. however, i had enough anxiety/worry in my life and finally made the call to my obgyn (she knows me best) and filled her in on my symptoms. she prescribed me something, it didnt work so i called her back. she gave me something different that seems to work now. you do just have to try a couple different things until something works. you do have tons of past issues that most likely need to be addressed. no one is going to send you to a psych ward just like that. notice how things are slowly progressing for you? you started off talking about your daily schedule out loud then carrying on conversations with "someone" then started to have imaginary friends..its getting deeper. i can sort of relate to being a little like that with characters on tv. you do "fall in love" w. them. sometimes you think of them as real. you wish they were your friend or someone in your life. you may respect them, want to aspire to be like them, but to carry on conversations as if they were there is out of reality. this is all coming from your past and it is great you are coming here to talk about it. i seriously think you should post over in the mental health forum..definitly. nothing wrong w. that. the $ would be used wisely and the dr. over there can at least pinpoint what you may have and reccomend a medication to get this under control. you sense there is a problem, your husband notices and kids are very in tune with things like this. you dont want it affecting her. i dont know how old she is (or how old you are) but she'll pick up on it.
its ok to want to keep your mind busy with things but they need to be logical, constructive things, like work, a hobby, kids..dont let your past get a hold of you and take you down. you are in control. if you talk w. someone he/she can provide you with strategies to carry on w. life so you dont have to feel this way.
Pharmacutical companines are not out to hurt you. They work together with doctors and the doctors try to prescribe the right medications for you. Sometimes the doctors dont know what will work for you because everyone is different, most likely why you have tried several meds, but there are more meds out there that you have not tried and one of them might be right for you. Dont go one living like this, you need to seek medical help and dont be afraid of medications they will help you.
Mysticalzoe,
You may not listen because I am only 16 years old. I do not know too much but I will tell you what I do know. Please listen.
I have a boyfriend and his mother is like exactly the same way. I go over to his house a lot so I see it a lot. Now the only thing about her and her cases she is on medication. And I respect that you do not want to go on medication. I totally understand. I want to ask you a question, what makes you happy? or close to happy? What makes me happy is spending time with my boyfriend. He understands that. And by the sounds of what I am reading..spending time with your husband makes you happy or anyone that you are with. What my suggestion would be even if you are going to take this seriously because I am only 16, it would be try talking to your husband, try talking to someone close that you love and that loves you.Please take my advise.:)
It would be nice to have a response back:)
PS: If talking to an imaginary friend helps you then DO IT!!! Dont let no one tell you that you are crazy lol:)
You may not listen because I am only 16 years old. I do not know too much but I will tell you what I do know. Please listen.
I have a boyfriend and his mother is like exactly the same way. I go over to his house a lot so I see it a lot. Now the only thing about her and her cases she is on medication. And I respect that you do not want to go on medication. I totally understand. I want to ask you a question, what makes you happy? or close to happy? What makes me happy is spending time with my boyfriend. He understands that. And by the sounds of what I am reading..spending time with your husband makes you happy or anyone that you are with. What my suggestion would be even if you are going to take this seriously because I am only 16, it would be try talking to your husband, try talking to someone close that you love and that loves you.Please take my advise.:)
It would be nice to have a response back:)
PS: If talking to an imaginary friend helps you then DO IT!!! Dont let no one tell you that you are crazy lol:)
From what I've read, you are refusing therapy because you don't feel that you would give the therapist the full story and therefore leave him/her hanging and confused and unable to properly treat you? You have never given anyone the complete story, not even your husband, and I can only assume that there is more? More that you left out with us?
And that's okay. Babysteps right? You are taking steps and that is what's important. Nothing against you DH but he soesn't sound very supportive, but maybe he is just afraid and feels helpless. Is there anyone else you could turn to? Your mom and dad? A sister or cousin? It does sound like a lot of your problems are stemmed from life experiences such as the abuse, but perhaps there are also genetic/phsical reasons such as the aformentioned chemical imbalance or maybe even a mental disorder that has yet to be diagnosed. My father (adopted) was always a strong man. A reliable man. An independent man. An ex Police Officer/Detective, Viatnam helicopter pilot. And one day I got a phone call.. He had been found running down the street naked, away from his house which was on fire. He had fought Police and fireman trying to help him, claiming it was a conspiracy. After treating him for the burns he was placed in a Psych ward where he was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder. I was aloud to speak to him on the phone but he kept telling me the phones were bugged and he hadn't even given them his REAL name. The fire was listed as arson. He had set the fire himself. He lost everything. After a month in the hospital's psych ward, they finally got his meds just right and he was allowed to travel to my home where I cared for him for over a year. Now, on medication, he is fine. Lives on his own and works making a good living. But during the tests, they found that he had scar tissue on his brain from WAY back during the Viatnam War. He has been having small seizures for my whole life and we didn't know it.
The point of my story is that it can happen to ANYONE!! You are NOT alone. And even though therapy doesn't seem reasonable to you at this time, it really is the best course of action. Print what you told us and then just hand it to the therapist. That is a start to telling your story, and over time you will be able to open up more and more. You won't be judged and as long as you are not a danger to yourself or others, then you won't be committed or anything scary like that. You NEED to reach out to someone that you can trust and someone that you can touch. We are real people, but incapable of really helpping you. It sounds like it has become harder for you to distinguish what is real and what is in your head. Please get help sooner rather than later, while you are still able to distinguish between the two.
Please let us know how you are doing!
--J
And that's okay. Babysteps right? You are taking steps and that is what's important. Nothing against you DH but he soesn't sound very supportive, but maybe he is just afraid and feels helpless. Is there anyone else you could turn to? Your mom and dad? A sister or cousin? It does sound like a lot of your problems are stemmed from life experiences such as the abuse, but perhaps there are also genetic/phsical reasons such as the aformentioned chemical imbalance or maybe even a mental disorder that has yet to be diagnosed. My father (adopted) was always a strong man. A reliable man. An independent man. An ex Police Officer/Detective, Viatnam helicopter pilot. And one day I got a phone call.. He had been found running down the street naked, away from his house which was on fire. He had fought Police and fireman trying to help him, claiming it was a conspiracy. After treating him for the burns he was placed in a Psych ward where he was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder. I was aloud to speak to him on the phone but he kept telling me the phones were bugged and he hadn't even given them his REAL name. The fire was listed as arson. He had set the fire himself. He lost everything. After a month in the hospital's psych ward, they finally got his meds just right and he was allowed to travel to my home where I cared for him for over a year. Now, on medication, he is fine. Lives on his own and works making a good living. But during the tests, they found that he had scar tissue on his brain from WAY back during the Viatnam War. He has been having small seizures for my whole life and we didn't know it.
The point of my story is that it can happen to ANYONE!! You are NOT alone. And even though therapy doesn't seem reasonable to you at this time, it really is the best course of action. Print what you told us and then just hand it to the therapist. That is a start to telling your story, and over time you will be able to open up more and more. You won't be judged and as long as you are not a danger to yourself or others, then you won't be committed or anything scary like that. You NEED to reach out to someone that you can trust and someone that you can touch. We are real people, but incapable of really helpping you. It sounds like it has become harder for you to distinguish what is real and what is in your head. Please get help sooner rather than later, while you are still able to distinguish between the two.
Please let us know how you are doing!
--J
I'm in no way a professional in this field but i can truly understand parts of what you are dealing with. I was also molested as a child by a family member and I'm currently going on my 2 yr anniversary as a sexual assault victim as well. It was hard for me to admit my issues and to deal with them as well. I did try counseling for a while and quit when i was told all men were "grooming" me to rape me all over again. Personally my support system of family, friends, and now my bf have helped me more than anything else. However you have to be willing to face your demons from the past and face the reality of your life in every way. That was the hardest parts for me, i wanted to forget the past and just avoid everyone around me in the real world. I would gladly be willing to talk to you more if you would like and see if i can help in anyway. If you want to tallk send me your email and i'll contact you that way.
i have seen therapists my whole life it is expensive but well worth it. I admit I have been hospitalized in a mental health hospital and there are numerous people with your problem. Go to the hospital it only gets worse. You cannot fight it on your own you need help. Mental problems are not made up they are chemical imbalances. We have DSHS in Washington that paid for my trip to the hospital if you go they will help you out financially and you will be able to speak to someone. GO NOW!!!
You took the first step admitting your problem...GOOD FOR YOU
NOw take the next ...you talked to us..total strangers im sure you can talk to professionals..
I think you need to feel needed/loved,responsible
You have a daughter and husband who loves you, Maybe working to get your mind off of things will help you build self esteem and self worth.
good luck
NOw take the next ...you talked to us..total strangers im sure you can talk to professionals..
I think you need to feel needed/loved,responsible
You have a daughter and husband who loves you, Maybe working to get your mind off of things will help you build self esteem and self worth.
good luck
Well, there's a lot more meds that what you've named. Anyway, you don't want to try any other meds, and you don't want to go to counseling. It doesn't sound like you're willing to tell your MD about it...so, I'm out of answers. It's jeopardizing other areas of your life, but you don't want to get professional help, so I don't know what to tell you. Some states have the authority to hospitalize someone under an emergency mental health protective order. It would be sad if your situation deteriorated to that point. I'm sure you wouldn't want your daughter to be subjected to that. Good luck.
I'm glad you have decided to share your story here. I have suffered from extreme lonliness too for most of my life. I can't ever seem to shake the feeling that I'm a complete and total misfit, misunderstood, etc. There are so many things that I've experienced in my life and it only makes sense to me that I would struggle with this. However, the difference is I don't think these feelings consume my life. I am still able to function "normally" (hate that word) even though some days are bad. I understand your fear of medication, I'm against it too, BUT, I do not understand why you say therapy is out of the question. I resisted therapy for a long time b/c I've always thought of myself as someone who is really strong and can pull it together. I still think of myself that way, but have realized that it is ok to get some help along the way. I really urge you to reconsider that situation b/c it sounds like you badly need it. Therapy is not a quick fix. It takes a lot of time, work and dedication. It can be hard to find a therapist that you have a good rapport with too. (It took me 3!) It is very worth it though. Please see what is available to you b/c these feelings aren't likely to disappear on their own. Please do not feel ashamed for the feelings you have. Feelings are just feelings and we can't always help how we feel. Be proud that you acknowledge there is a problem and then you can start to do something about it. I wish you the best of luck. Please come back here if you need more support.
i have seen you post things before here (and respond) but nothing quite like this. i will try to get to respond you tomorrow ok? i dont want to leave you hanging but im glad that some posters towards the end had something constructive to say. you are going through a terrible/rough time and it NEEDS to be addressed!! so i will come back ok??? please just post your age??
i am refusing medication because i have been under every antidepressant out there, and they just give me more and more problems, for instance prozac helped out my anger issues that i used to have, i lost 7lbs, but didn't help with depression, got off that. wellbutrin was the worst I was really having a hard time, yelling at everyone for no reason, gained 10 lbs in a week, and libido plumented, lexapro didn't help either, and last med i was on for antidepressants i was in so much stomach pains with that one I got off, it caused my gastritis to act up. I am only taking protonix for GERD. So there you have it, meds don't work, and if they do for some people great, just not for me.
i think the response mslkapge was right........you need to seek out profesional help. I know there are quack therapist out there but there are also some that really do help people. And i think that it is even more important since you are refusing to take any medication.
You might have to try different meds before you find the one or the combination that works for you. It's not a conspiracy, and the therapist won't try to institutionalize you. But you need to get some help with this before it gets out of hand.
You just need to go talk to someone in that field of study. If you know what you are doing isnt right then the next step is getting help. If you dont it could end up hurting your marriage or other things. No one here can give you the help you need. Take care
wow quick responses okay, meds don't help me i have just weaned myself off of meds like 1 year ago, i believe they are evil, and they lead to other problems, and it's all a conspiracy, with pharmacutical companies, so meds are definately out of the question. thansk anyway!
sorry there is more, okay not only do i talk to myself, and with my imaginary friends, but at one point I thought that tv chracters and book characters were my friends also. like the show the gilmore girls, i thought loreli and rory were pat of my life, i got emtionally attached to the show, and I even had withdrawl symptoms when i had to wait 4 months to see them on tv again. i rent the DVD's. Same with books, and it's quite sad and i know what i am doing is odd, but i am craving human contact here. I am a great mother, i take care of the house, we are getting a puppy soon, I cannot wait for that. I am not schzophrenic, I don't see people who are not here, i don't hear voices in my head, i just to talk to made up friends. I have tried to make friends in the past but my problem is I get too clingly, seeing someone once a week isn't enough, i need a friend all the time. during the day i am fine, i am with my children, i teach them things, play with them, take them places, put them in activites, in which all of the mothers either snub me or probably think I am too wierd. when i go out someone has to be with me, or people will see me talking with myself ie friends. this is a sad situation but i am very lonely.
The other problem i am having is my memory is going, i can't remember things anymore, my daughter and I were talking about her ballet recital today and i don't even remember the fact that she hit her head and was crying, I just remember the happy parts, and how much in pain i was during that time, physical pain. My husband wants me to see a shrink, because he says I am losing it, and I am not normal, but he is part of my problem. He also sees a shrink, and it helps him out fine, but I am terrified of going, i don't tell everything so they are cinfused with whats wrong with me, and I am scared if I go to one they will lock me up in a psycho ward pumping medication into my veins. i don't know what to do!! HELP I am drowing here!
The other problem i am having is my memory is going, i can't remember things anymore, my daughter and I were talking about her ballet recital today and i don't even remember the fact that she hit her head and was crying, I just remember the happy parts, and how much in pain i was during that time, physical pain. My husband wants me to see a shrink, because he says I am losing it, and I am not normal, but he is part of my problem. He also sees a shrink, and it helps him out fine, but I am terrified of going, i don't tell everything so they are cinfused with whats wrong with me, and I am scared if I go to one they will lock me up in a psycho ward pumping medication into my veins. i don't know what to do!! HELP I am drowing here!
Why is a therapist out of the question? You could start with your MD for some meds, and ask he/she for a referral to a counselor. You can't work this out alone, but you won't be able to resolve it here, either. I think professional help is the only way you can work through everything from your past...and there is nothing wrong with that.
There is no one here that can help you with this issue. You should seek professional help ASAP.
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