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Avatar universal

Hard to ask for help, please bear with me.

I would have gone to the mental health board but honestly I am not going to pay whatever fee, for what I am about to write. I will try and make this quick. I have been dealing with these problems for a long time, but they are getting worse and worse. therapists are out of the question, but i don't know what else to do.

Since I can remember i have been a very lonely girl, i have been neglected, abused, and sexually abused as a child so yeah I am messed up. Gosh this is hard for me to tell anyone about this. no one knows anything about my wierd problems, my husband has a hint but doesn't know the full story. let's begin with i have social phobia, people do scare me, but then again i am very lonely. I have to be around someone all the time, or i get depressed at the drop of the hat. my husband on the other hand is the opposite of me, he can't stand being around people, and I tend to annoy him. I feel lonely when I am with him, and he thinks spending an hour with me a day will help, it's not wokring. So lately i feel like I am losing my grip on reality here. i used to talk to myself to remind myself of things, i have to get done and so on. Lately i have been making up friends in my head to talk to. (this is really hard for me to admit.) I have conversations with my imaginary friends, and sometimes i really do think they are real, when deep down I know they are not. My husband has caught me talking to myself, yelling at someone, when no one is there. He has answered my questions, and commented on what i had to say. i tell him i am not talking to him, he is like okay?
24 Responses
Avatar universal
I dont understand what ur question is but you def need to talk to a professional.  Good Luck
Avatar universal
There is no one here that can help you with this issue. You should seek professional help ASAP.
93654 tn?1247502934
Why is a therapist out of the question? You could start with your MD for some meds, and ask he/she for a referral to a counselor. You can't work this out alone, but you won't be able to resolve it here, either. I think professional help is the only way you can work through everything from your past...and there is nothing wrong with that.
Avatar universal
sorry there is more, okay not only do i talk to myself, and with my imaginary friends, but at one point I thought that tv chracters and book characters were my friends also. like the show the gilmore girls, i thought loreli and rory were pat of my life, i got emtionally attached to the show, and I even had withdrawl symptoms when i had to wait 4 months to see them on tv again. i rent the DVD's. Same with books, and it's quite sad and i know what i am doing is odd, but i am craving human contact here. I am a great mother, i take care of the house, we are getting a puppy soon, I cannot wait for that. I am not schzophrenic, I don't see people who are not here, i don't hear voices in my head, i just to talk to made up friends. I have tried to make friends in the past but my problem is I get too clingly, seeing someone once a week isn't enough, i need a friend all the time. during the day i am fine, i am with my children, i teach them things, play with them, take them places, put them in activites, in which all of the mothers either snub me or probably think I am too wierd. when i go out someone has to be with me, or people will see me talking with myself ie friends. this is a sad situation but i am very lonely.

The other problem i am having is my memory is going, i can't remember things anymore, my daughter and I were talking about her ballet recital today and i don't even remember the fact that she hit her head and was crying, I just remember the happy parts, and how much in pain i was during that time, physical pain. My husband wants me to see a shrink, because he says I am losing it, and I am not normal, but he is part of my problem. He also sees a shrink, and it helps him out fine, but I am terrified of going, i don't tell everything so they are cinfused with whats wrong with me, and I am scared if I go to one they will lock me up in a psycho ward pumping medication into my veins. i don't know what to do!! HELP I am drowing here!
Avatar universal
wow quick responses okay, meds don't help me i have just weaned myself off of meds like 1 year ago, i believe they are evil, and they lead to other problems, and it's all a conspiracy, with pharmacutical companies, so meds are definately out of the question. thansk anyway!
Avatar universal
You just need to go talk to someone in that field of study.  If you know what you are doing isnt right then the next step is getting help.  If you dont it could end up hurting your marriage or other things.  No one here can give you the help you need.  Take care
93654 tn?1247502934
You might have to try different meds before you find the one or the combination that works for you. It's not a conspiracy, and the therapist won't try to institutionalize you. But you need to get some help with this before it gets out of hand.
Avatar universal
i think the response mslkapge was right........you need to seek out profesional help. I know there are quack therapist out there but there are also some that really do help people. And i think that it is even more important since you are refusing to take any medication.
Avatar universal
i am refusing medication because i have been under every antidepressant out there, and they just give me more and more problems, for instance prozac helped out my anger issues that i used to have, i lost 7lbs, but didn't help with depression, got off that. wellbutrin was the worst I was really having a hard time, yelling at everyone for no reason, gained 10 lbs in a week, and libido plumented, lexapro didn't help either, and last med i was on for antidepressants i was in so much stomach pains with that one I got off, it caused my gastritis to act up. I am only taking protonix for GERD. So there you have it, meds don't work, and if they do for some people great, just not for me.
93654 tn?1247502934
Well, there's a lot more meds that what you've named. Anyway, you don't want to try any other meds, and you don't want to go to counseling.  It doesn't sound like you're willing to tell your MD about it...so, I'm out of answers. It's jeopardizing other areas of your life, but you don't want to get professional help, so I don't know what to tell you. Some states have the authority to hospitalize someone under an emergency mental health protective order. It would be sad if your situation deteriorated to that point. I'm sure you wouldn't want your daughter to be subjected to that. Good luck.
Avatar universal
i have seen therapists my whole life it is expensive but well worth it. I admit I have been hospitalized in a mental health hospital and there are numerous people with your problem. Go to the hospital it only gets worse. You cannot fight it on your own you need help. Mental problems are not made up they are chemical imbalances. We have DSHS in Washington that paid for my trip to the hospital if you go they will help you out financially and you will be able to speak to someone. GO NOW!!!
Avatar universal
You took the first step admitting your problem...GOOD FOR YOU
NOw take the next ...you talked to us..total strangers im sure you can talk to professionals..
I think you need to feel needed/loved,responsible
You have a daughter and husband who loves you, Maybe working to get your mind off of things will help you build self esteem and self worth.
good luck
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