35 y.o. still sleeps in the same bed with his Mother

[Palaima]

I just found out that when my BF is visiting his family he sleeps in the same bed with his mother to smell and feel her. Not treally sure what doest it mean, but I am in shock.
They have a huge house about 10 bedrooms, so space is not an issue.

Hope somebody can explain me how to tell him it's not normal.

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

Thanks for the additional information.  It sounds to me like you told him very clearly that it wasn't "normal" for grown men to be sleeping in the same bed as their mother.  And while you may be correct in that it reflects some dependency issues, I wonder if you feel the impact in your relationship beyond being weirded out by the information.  I ask this because clearly he does not feel there is anything wrong with what he and his family are doing, and would need to feel there was something wrong in order to feel that he needs help with it.  

[Palaima]

Only unusual????? I think it's very weird or even sick, even in case if there is nothing sexual going on. There is definitely some kind of dependency issue, not sure is it his or mothers. Who's fault is this?


My reaction… hhmm… I found out it only by an accident. My BF, at the time, was trying to defend his brother who goes to their Mom for comfort every time he has an argument with his wife. And for a comfort he sleeps with his mother in the same bed. When I said it is sick to leave his wife to go to sleep with his Mother- my BF (now former) said that nothing wrong with his brother sleeping with their Mom. Because he himself does it on a regular basis when he is staying over at his Moms.

So my reaction: I said that this is not normal and that he has to seek a professional help.

[Jason Greenberg, Ph.D.]

Yes, that is unusual.  How did you react to him when he told you this?