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Guilty Feelings vs Facts on Protected Sex
I noticed that many (not all) worried wells who lose sleep over PROTECTED sex have similar situations to my own: married men who strayed with commercial sex workers. We're the ones who are usually feeling so guilty that we feel that, despite protected sex, we're gonna get hit with HIV. I've had to mull this for a month now, and I admit that in the facts vs feelings fight, facts are sinking in. Still, I've had some thoughts on the matter and here they are:
We feel guilty for cheating. Would we feel as guilty if we were uncommitted? Would we be just as afraid?
We're scared because the partners are "pros". Would we be as terrified if they were not?
Well these thought sunk in my head: condoms don't discriminate: people do. There are so many serodiscordant couples in studies and in real life (many on aidsmeds, and even Dr. Bob himself is in a serodiscordant relationship) and the condoms protect from infection.
It's sometimes hard to let that fact sink in. Guilt gets in the way. In fact, guilt may even lead us to doubt the inevitable negative test result.
Also, what are we afraid of? Divine retribution? We tend to focus so much on God's justice that we forget God's mercy. I don't know how many people here are religious, but I think that any religion or belief system emphasizes how God welcomes back the straying.
So here I was, doubting the knowledge and experience of scientists. Doubting the doctors. Doubting the statistics. Doubting the facts. Even doubting the mercy of God.
Why? Maybe it's hard to trust Dr HHH, to trust Teak, Dr. Bob, the aidsmeds people, to trust scientific studies, to trust God... because we've lost trust in ourselves.
To all those feeling guilty over protected sex with a CSW: we may not need to get tested, but we DO need to get help. Talk to someone. If you believe in prayer, pray. If not, find a counsellor. Or, find a friend to confide in. I did all of that and facts are finally sinking in.
When it comes to resolving the guilt, I recommend what my counsellor said, and I post a few quotes:
"Disillusionment with yourself is good. No more illusions. You see yourself and your weaknesses. Time to correct them."
"We expect progress, not perfection."
"Give it time."
Good luck to everyone.
We feel guilty for cheating. Would we feel as guilty if we were uncommitted? Would we be just as afraid?
We're scared because the partners are "pros". Would we be as terrified if they were not?
Well these thought sunk in my head: condoms don't discriminate: people do. There are so many serodiscordant couples in studies and in real life (many on aidsmeds, and even Dr. Bob himself is in a serodiscordant relationship) and the condoms protect from infection.
It's sometimes hard to let that fact sink in. Guilt gets in the way. In fact, guilt may even lead us to doubt the inevitable negative test result.
Also, what are we afraid of? Divine retribution? We tend to focus so much on God's justice that we forget God's mercy. I don't know how many people here are religious, but I think that any religion or belief system emphasizes how God welcomes back the straying.
So here I was, doubting the knowledge and experience of scientists. Doubting the doctors. Doubting the statistics. Doubting the facts. Even doubting the mercy of God.
Why? Maybe it's hard to trust Dr HHH, to trust Teak, Dr. Bob, the aidsmeds people, to trust scientific studies, to trust God... because we've lost trust in ourselves.
To all those feeling guilty over protected sex with a CSW: we may not need to get tested, but we DO need to get help. Talk to someone. If you believe in prayer, pray. If not, find a counsellor. Or, find a friend to confide in. I did all of that and facts are finally sinking in.
When it comes to resolving the guilt, I recommend what my counsellor said, and I post a few quotes:
"Disillusionment with yourself is good. No more illusions. You see yourself and your weaknesses. Time to correct them."
"We expect progress, not perfection."
"Give it time."
Good luck to everyone.
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* Continuing to post regarding the negative result / no risk situation will result in a 3 day suspension
* Continuing to post upon your return will result in a permanent ban.
Thanks for the quotes. I am going through an exact issue. L had 3 tests over 3 months that have come back positive. Every time my wife compalins any pain or had dihorrea l tend to worry . Right now l have all these unexplained pains and according to the doctors l am negative and l cant buy into that.
Confused
Tallas
Confused
Tallas
"Maybe it's hard to trust Dr HHH, to trust Teak, Dr. Bob, the aidsmeds people, to trust scientific studies, to trust God... because we've lost trust in ourselves."
Holding true here.
Holding true here.
I have guilt just knowing that I slept with a real who#e. Who knows how many people she's had sex with. I hate myself. I'm a dumbass.
CSW - commercial sex worker. Euphemism for prostitute.
And yes, those are my feelings too - "I could deal with having hiv, but if I gave it ot my wife I'd die."
Also, we worried wells should be more sensitive - first to those with REAL risks,and for those who already have to live with HIV. We're spineless wimps compared to guys like Teak and the people at aidsmeds.
And yes, those are my feelings too - "I could deal with having hiv, but if I gave it ot my wife I'd die."
Also, we worried wells should be more sensitive - first to those with REAL risks,and for those who already have to live with HIV. We're spineless wimps compared to guys like Teak and the people at aidsmeds.
good post,what a csw? i could deal with having hiv,but if i gave it to my wife i'd die.i had sex with her 3 days after my exposure(wasnt even thinking about hiv at the time) now she has a sore throat 10 dats later i'm sure we both have it and i might end it all
Actually you posted very nice comments , I think that wat all the protected sex suffered from . ALL should learn that lesson anddonot do things like this again . Doyou beleive dear I tested may lady and she is negative and still scared to have hiv , some times think may be the needle in the lab brought it to me .
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